planetgeli
There's no future in England's dreaming
He's not far off. May no way. Too mild. High turnout suits Labour. Make it cold. Hang on for as long as possible but not right to the end coz that just looks desperate.
October.
The 2024 UK General Election - news, speculation and updates
- Thread starter chilango
- Start date
He's not far off. May no way. Too mild. High turnout suits Labour. Make it cold. Hang on for as long as possible but not right to the end coz that just looks desperate.
October.
brogdale
Coming to terms with late onset Anarchism
Agree with all you say, but accepting that means I'd have to contemplate that Osborne isn't lying.
Jeremiah18.17
Well-Known Member
A Plain English Translation of Sir Keir Starmer’s Letter to the Nation
People around the country have recently received an unsolicited letter from the leader of the Labour Party. Here it is, with translation into plain English in italics…
(Graphic – super-patriotic angled Union Flag)
Dear x, x and x,
This year Britain will once again go to the polls in a general election. The power to shape the future of our country will be in your hands. It is a chance to turn the page on a difficult period for Britain. An opportunity to renew our country so government once again serves you.
(Translation: Dear potential voters, the Tories have knackered the country, please don’t blame our mealy mouthed and subdued opposition and “me too, but not as nastily” responses to most of their reactionary nonsense. We are passing the book to you now, and who knows, we might not be quite as bad and will try to give the appearance of listening to you rather than, well, you know, The Daily Mail and Sun.)
Everything I have done as Labour Party leader has been driven by this purpose – a determination to return the Labour Party to the service of working people. This is not how Britain has been governed by the Tories for the past fourteen years. Their chaos has a cost – for your family, for your community, for our country.
(Translation: I mugged off Labour Party members by pretending to share their views rather than just being a self-interested shill for the same City of London mobsters that have been backing most of the Tories. That nutjob Truss scared them and I have almost convinced them I am a safe pair of hands for their interests. Hopefully those of you that are working will keep your jobs if we don’t annoy the real powers in Britain too much like Liz did. Johnson and Sunak have also been crap)
Your vote has the power to change the country. So, when you think about the year ahead, I ask you to hold three thoughts about Labour:
(Translation: Our FPTP voting system is crap and only gives a choice of two potential governments most of the time, so suck it up, mugs. Big Biz and their media pals have decided we can be trusted again, now I knifed Corbyn and pals, so please pay attention to these messages, sponsored by our masters)
One: the Labour Party presented to you in 2019 has been consigned to history. On prioritising economic stability, on national security, on securing our borders, on the value of business and entrepreneurship – we now see the country through your eyes again.
(Translation: I shafted the Corbynistas that our new friends in the non-dom controlled media had convinced some of you were demons incarnate, I shafted them well and good. As I said above we will stick to the agenda of the City and the bankers, we will probably send some of you to die in America’s imperial adventures, and we will not contradict Murdoch and pals when they tell you all your problems are not down to bankers, capitalists and hucksters, but powerless immigrants and desperate refugees. We will even be cruel to them more efficiently, pound for pound, than the Tories. WE will not change anything that might upset big business and we will suck up to megalomaniac tech billionaires, media barons and asset strippers just like old Tony did. So, if you believe any old bullshit they spout in the Mail, Sun and Express and on GB News and Talk TV, we’re the lads and lasses for you now.)
Two: that we have a clear plan to change the country. We will offer you fully-funded proposals to end the cost of living crisis; take back our streets, get the NHS back on its feet; deliver cheaper bills to your home; and more opportunities for children and young people.
(Translation: we have a plan to not alter the country too much, but to stabilise it for profit making as my main concern is keeping big business sweet. We will give you a fantasy figure for how much stuff is going to cost so that we can say ‘sorry we can’t afford to help you now’ when things get really bad due to the climate crisis, Trumpism, wars etc. We will build and fill more prisons because real action to solve the social problems that are the main causes of crime would need us to tax or borrow and our mates in the City won’t allow that. My pal Wes Streeting has a clever plan to use the knackeredness of the NHS to move even more of it into the hands of his US Private healthcare buddies. Don’t worry, it might get better, for a bit, honest, until they start to squeeze it. Prices might go down if we are extra, extra, extra nice to our friends in the fossil fuel industry. But remember, if they don’t, its all Putin’s fault. Of course, you might remember our great success in turning education into brain-dead wage-slave factories last time we were in power (Love to Tone!) The Tories have slacked off on that ‘cos all their kids are in private ed, but we promise to get right back to making your kids miserable and suicidal with endless testing, initiatives and Ofstedding. The ones that survive will be just the sort of emotionally crippled and broken people a competitive modern economy needs!)
Three – that I am determined to do to Westminster what I have done to the Labour Party and drag government back into the service of working people. Because I know that restoring trust to politics is an essential part of serving your values.
(Translation: I am keen to shaft all of you through Parliament, just like I did to most Labour members who thought I was the moderate compromise candidate between the Corbynistas and the Blairites. (LOL) I will claim legitimacy for all my reactionary and neo-liberal shit by reference to the views of standard white working class red wall reactionary man, a useful stereotype to justify any old ruling class robbery and nastiness. Yes, I do try to imagine most of you proles as Lee Anderson clones! Trust me, like you trusted Tone, please, pretty please! I know he knackered everything up a bit, what with the millions of dead in wars and most of the country broken and mortgaged to dodgy finance via PFI schemes et al, but c’mon, it’ll be better this time. I’m DEFINITELY NOT GASLIGHTING YOU)
This is my politics: I have changed my party, and I am ready to change our country.
And with your support, together we can get Britain’s future back.
(Translation: These are my political views this week, and if you don’t like them, you are probably a Commie. Remember, I beat up that Beelzebub, that evil Machiavelli in the shape of a jam making grandad. I’m hard, me. Let us have a go. Go on. WE might even change things back to, oh, maybe even the Cameron years, with a fair wind and the nod from the Square Mile. The future is probably a fascist nightmare after I balls up, so might as well enjoy the least worst option available under our lovely DeMoCrAcY for the next few years.)
Yours Sincerely
(Yours completely and utterly duplicitously)
Keir Starmer MP
Leader of the Labour Party
People around the country have recently received an unsolicited letter from the leader of the Labour Party. Here it is, with translation into plain English in italics…
(Graphic – super-patriotic angled Union Flag)
Dear x, x and x,
This year Britain will once again go to the polls in a general election. The power to shape the future of our country will be in your hands. It is a chance to turn the page on a difficult period for Britain. An opportunity to renew our country so government once again serves you.
(Translation: Dear potential voters, the Tories have knackered the country, please don’t blame our mealy mouthed and subdued opposition and “me too, but not as nastily” responses to most of their reactionary nonsense. We are passing the book to you now, and who knows, we might not be quite as bad and will try to give the appearance of listening to you rather than, well, you know, The Daily Mail and Sun.)
Everything I have done as Labour Party leader has been driven by this purpose – a determination to return the Labour Party to the service of working people. This is not how Britain has been governed by the Tories for the past fourteen years. Their chaos has a cost – for your family, for your community, for our country.
(Translation: I mugged off Labour Party members by pretending to share their views rather than just being a self-interested shill for the same City of London mobsters that have been backing most of the Tories. That nutjob Truss scared them and I have almost convinced them I am a safe pair of hands for their interests. Hopefully those of you that are working will keep your jobs if we don’t annoy the real powers in Britain too much like Liz did. Johnson and Sunak have also been crap)
Your vote has the power to change the country. So, when you think about the year ahead, I ask you to hold three thoughts about Labour:
(Translation: Our FPTP voting system is crap and only gives a choice of two potential governments most of the time, so suck it up, mugs. Big Biz and their media pals have decided we can be trusted again, now I knifed Corbyn and pals, so please pay attention to these messages, sponsored by our masters)
One: the Labour Party presented to you in 2019 has been consigned to history. On prioritising economic stability, on national security, on securing our borders, on the value of business and entrepreneurship – we now see the country through your eyes again.
(Translation: I shafted the Corbynistas that our new friends in the non-dom controlled media had convinced some of you were demons incarnate, I shafted them well and good. As I said above we will stick to the agenda of the City and the bankers, we will probably send some of you to die in America’s imperial adventures, and we will not contradict Murdoch and pals when they tell you all your problems are not down to bankers, capitalists and hucksters, but powerless immigrants and desperate refugees. We will even be cruel to them more efficiently, pound for pound, than the Tories. WE will not change anything that might upset big business and we will suck up to megalomaniac tech billionaires, media barons and asset strippers just like old Tony did. So, if you believe any old bullshit they spout in the Mail, Sun and Express and on GB News and Talk TV, we’re the lads and lasses for you now.)
Two: that we have a clear plan to change the country. We will offer you fully-funded proposals to end the cost of living crisis; take back our streets, get the NHS back on its feet; deliver cheaper bills to your home; and more opportunities for children and young people.
(Translation: we have a plan to not alter the country too much, but to stabilise it for profit making as my main concern is keeping big business sweet. We will give you a fantasy figure for how much stuff is going to cost so that we can say ‘sorry we can’t afford to help you now’ when things get really bad due to the climate crisis, Trumpism, wars etc. We will build and fill more prisons because real action to solve the social problems that are the main causes of crime would need us to tax or borrow and our mates in the City won’t allow that. My pal Wes Streeting has a clever plan to use the knackeredness of the NHS to move even more of it into the hands of his US Private healthcare buddies. Don’t worry, it might get better, for a bit, honest, until they start to squeeze it. Prices might go down if we are extra, extra, extra nice to our friends in the fossil fuel industry. But remember, if they don’t, its all Putin’s fault. Of course, you might remember our great success in turning education into brain-dead wage-slave factories last time we were in power (Love to Tone!) The Tories have slacked off on that ‘cos all their kids are in private ed, but we promise to get right back to making your kids miserable and suicidal with endless testing, initiatives and Ofstedding. The ones that survive will be just the sort of emotionally crippled and broken people a competitive modern economy needs!)
Three – that I am determined to do to Westminster what I have done to the Labour Party and drag government back into the service of working people. Because I know that restoring trust to politics is an essential part of serving your values.
(Translation: I am keen to shaft all of you through Parliament, just like I did to most Labour members who thought I was the moderate compromise candidate between the Corbynistas and the Blairites. (LOL) I will claim legitimacy for all my reactionary and neo-liberal shit by reference to the views of standard white working class red wall reactionary man, a useful stereotype to justify any old ruling class robbery and nastiness. Yes, I do try to imagine most of you proles as Lee Anderson clones! Trust me, like you trusted Tone, please, pretty please! I know he knackered everything up a bit, what with the millions of dead in wars and most of the country broken and mortgaged to dodgy finance via PFI schemes et al, but c’mon, it’ll be better this time. I’m DEFINITELY NOT GASLIGHTING YOU)
This is my politics: I have changed my party, and I am ready to change our country.
And with your support, together we can get Britain’s future back.
(Translation: These are my political views this week, and if you don’t like them, you are probably a Commie. Remember, I beat up that Beelzebub, that evil Machiavelli in the shape of a jam making grandad. I’m hard, me. Let us have a go. Go on. WE might even change things back to, oh, maybe even the Cameron years, with a fair wind and the nod from the Square Mile. The future is probably a fascist nightmare after I balls up, so might as well enjoy the least worst option available under our lovely DeMoCrAcY for the next few years.)
Yours Sincerely
(Yours completely and utterly duplicitously)
Keir Starmer MP
Leader of the Labour Party
PTK
Paul Kegan
It must be confusing to live in Germany, where there is a party called (in German) "The Left".
Dom Traynor
Tino Pai
I don't agree with Lord Maurice Glassman on much but I always liked his response to progressive politics by pointing out that his mum died of a progressive illness.
ska invita
back on the other side
I was in llford yesterday, there's numerous Palestinian flags flying from lamposts on the main roads....
ska invita
back on the other side
I just googled to see if I can find a photo and instead
Supposedly Wes has a majority of 5000 at present..... Not a lot
Supposedly Wes has a majority of 5000 at present..... Not a lot
Last edited:
Monkeygrinder's Organ
Dodgy geezer swilling vapid lager
Yeah, not going to get my hopes up but it would be great to see him get chucked out. Even allowing that it would mean a Tory instead tbh). Rather another Tory backbencher than that twat in power.
skyscraper101
0891 50 50 50
Streeting would be a disaster for Labour.
TBH right now the only viable alternative to Starmer who I can see maintaining their current polling numbers is Yvette Cooper. That's not an endorsement btw, it's just how I judge the UK electorate.
TBH right now the only viable alternative to Starmer who I can see maintaining their current polling numbers is Yvette Cooper. That's not an endorsement btw, it's just how I judge the UK electorate.
Dom Traynor
Tino Pai
Wes will never lead the Labour Party, he is not popular enough among the MPs. Politics aren't enough you actually have to be liked by your colleagues. I mean some like him but many don't.
Puddy_Tat
naturally fluffy
have they changed the rules? i seem to remember a certain labour party leader not that long ago who wasn't very popular with the MPs - although he did have support of a fair chunk of the membership, which might let WS out, assuming there's any members
Plumdaff
joy in people
Does anyone genuinely like Starmer?
Serge Forward
Just enjoyin' my coffee.
His mam maybe?
BusLanes
Pedestrian
He's one of those people who I keep meeting people who said they knew him at uni or the NUS and thought he was a bastard
Dom Traynor
Tino Pai
Even other right wingers don't like him. My ex (who is pretty left) is actually friendly with him having known him for years, but even she would laugh at the idea of him being suitable leader material.
steeplejack
trapped lbw for a duck
Imagine spending your life wanting to be Alun Milburn when you grow up....
(will laugh very hard if "the next Health Secretary" loses).
That's the kind of tough love the NHS can expect from me....
Did you hear she was a nurse?
He never mentions it.
PTK
Paul Kegan
Are you telling me that Starmer's mother was a nurse?
planetgeli
There's no future in England's dreaming
PTK
Paul Kegan
When do people in the USA celebrate the Fourth of July? Is it in April?
tim
EXPLODED TIM! (Help me!!!)
Yes, as had often been said, the Labour party sadly chose the wrong brother to be their leader
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