Local Newspaper Headlines!

[josef1878 2.0]

Another of those headlines I really want to hear Chris Morris reading out:

First look at new bakery set to open in Essex (and it is just for dogs!)

A bakery just for dogs is set to open at an Essex shopping centre.

www.thurrockgazette.co.uk

There is an ice cream parlour for dogs near me. Never seen a dog in there, has to be money laundering or the worst business idea ever.

 

[BoatieBird]

Northampton woman, 78, slams council over 'nightmare' grass waste outside home

"Get your bloomin' fingers out and do something about it. Give us something for our money."

www.northamptonchron.co.uk

Quality pointing Anne

 

[hitmouse]

Fair play to Anne, she's definitely leading by example when it comes to getting your fingers out.

 

[two sheds]

Tbf if she hadn't pointed I wouldn't have realized what the fuck she was complaining about. Not sure I do even though she is pointing.

 

[prunus]

Tbf if she hadn't pointed I wouldn't have realized what the fuck she was complaining about. Not sure I do even though she is pointing.

I had to read it.
She doesn’t like the grass cuttings being left to mulch down into the lawn and wants them collected.

 

[two sheds]

I'd sue

 

[JimW]

Mulch ado about something.

 

[MrSki]

 

[JimW]

Pointer sisters?

 

[MrSki]

 

[petee]

https://kfor.com/news/national/k9-bites-cow-sc-deputy-tases-k9-cow-kicks-deputy/

K9 bites cow, deputy Tases K9, cow kicks deputy

 

[cupid_stunt]

Headline -

My Policeman: Builder's bum seen amid Harry Styles filming

Cracking news! Police box spotted in the city amid Harry Styles filming

A POLICE box has been spotted in the city amid Harry Styles filming for a new movie.

www.theargus.co.uk

Spoiler: Builder's bum photo...

 

[hitmouse]

https://kfor.com/news/national/k9-bites-cow-sc-deputy-tases-k9-cow-kicks-deputy/

K9 bites cow, deputy Tases K9, cow kicks deputy

Not my joke, but as others pointed out elsewhere: the new version of rock, paper, scissors sounds great.

 

[Indeliblelink]

 

[hitmouse]

Crow steals Booker prize nominated author's wallet and takes it to top of tree

A BOOKER prize nominated author found himself out of pocket after a crow stole his wallet from his trousers and flew up with it into a tree while he…

www.falmouthpacket.co.uk

Sadly no picture of Wyl Menmuir pointing at a crow or even his wallet.

 

[hitmouse]

Thinking about it, that crow story could probably qualify for the folk horror thread as well.

 

[Voley]

Ed Church at Cornwall Live is the fucking master.

'Truro Wetherspoon opens for first time in months but no one seems to care.'

Truro Spoons opens for first time in months but no one seems to care

The pub company's only Truro boozer swung open its doors this morning, but it wasn't exactly met with a stampede

www.cornwalllive.com

 

[editor]

Man with box on head spotted on Somerset road yet again

He was seen waving at locals as they drove past

www.somersetlive.co.uk

 

[editor]

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Bromley mum orders white engagement cake, instead receives 'inflamed, red boil'

A Bromley mum’s celebration of her son’s engagement took an unexpected turn when the surprise cake arrived looking like an “inflamed, pussy…

www.newsshopper.co.uk

 

[Orang Utan]

View attachment 269073

Man with box on head spotted on Somerset road yet again

He was seen waving at locals as they drove past

www.somersetlive.co.uk

perhaps he's a rug dealer

 

[Yossarian]

Box man could be another candidate for the folk horror thread.

 

[hitmouse]

Still, as men with things on their heads in local newspapers go, he's no man walking down Bristol street with musical shed on his head that blasts fire out of the chimney.

 

[hitmouse]

Wait, is Bristol the same place as Somerset nowdays? Sounds like there could be some kind of a trend going on down there:

A man was pictured with a bag on his head on the A37 back in 2020, and locals said then they had enjoyed a chuckle.

 

[josef1878 2.0]

Still, as men with things on their heads in local newspapers go, he's no man walking down Bristol street with musical shed on his head that blasts fire out of the chimney.

Doesn't everybody do that?

 

[PTK]

Crow steals Booker prize nominated author's wallet and takes it to top of tree

A BOOKER prize nominated author found himself out of pocket after a crow stole his wallet from his trousers and flew up with it into a tree while he…

www.falmouthpacket.co.uk

Sadly no picture of Wyl Menmuir pointing at a crow or even his wallet.

"Did you spend all your money in the betting shop again?"
"You won't believe this, but a crow stole my wallet."

 

[petee]

"The winning names were Bin Diesel, Truck Norris, Recyclosaurus Rex, Bruce Springclean, Trash Gordon, Chitty Chitty Bin Bin, and Trucky McTruckface"

Trucky McTruckface - Lower Hutt names new trucks

When you ask Lower Hutt to think of the trashiest names ever, they don't disappoint.

www.nzherald.co.nz

 

[Maggot]

Creepy Martin Bashir did my ironing to lure me into interview

Karen Roche-Pearson claims Martin Bashir is a 'nasty piece of work' who 'totally lied' to her

www.hulldailymail.co.uk

 

[mx wcfc]

Creepy Martin Bashir did my ironing to lure me into interview

Karen Roche-Pearson claims Martin Bashir is a 'nasty piece of work' who 'totally lied' to her

www.hulldailymail.co.uk

I assumed that was a spoof account, till I got all the Reach pop ups.

 

[MrSki]