Local Newspaper Headlines!

[petee]

" he didn’t have his “booger picker on the bang switch,” "

ohhhhh yeeeaaahhhhhhh

Mauston police sergeant charged after shooting person while off-duty and drunk

MAUSTON, Wis. (WKBT) — A Mauston Police Department sergeant was charged with a felony Monday in Monroe County Circuit Court after he was accused of shooting another person in August while off-duty and drunk. Michael P. Sturek, 39, Mauston, faces charges of second-degree recklessly endangering...

www.news8000.com

 

[cupid_stunt]

Shoreham autumn show features fabulous ugly vegetable

Shoreham Horticultural & Allotment Society’s third virtual show of the year, the autumn show on Saturday, October 10, was well supported, with photos of autumn tints in the flower classes, long-awaited vegetables ready to grace the dinner table and fruit classes featuring apples and pears.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

Spoiler: Jo Lambert, winner of the ugly vegetable class

 

[andysays]

Shoreham autumn show features fabulous ugly vegetable

Shoreham Horticultural & Allotment Society’s third virtual show of the year, the autumn show on Saturday, October 10, was well supported, with photos of autumn tints in the flower classes, long-awaited vegetables ready to grace the dinner table and fruit classes featuring apples and pears.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

Spoiler: Jo Lambert, winner of the ugly vegetable class

View attachment 234386

I once won the 'strangest shaped vegetable' category in a local horticultural show, but my carrot shaped like two legs and a protruding penis wasn't anywhere near as weird as that potato.

 

[Calamity1971]

Drinking establishment takes swipe at tier three restrictions by renaming pub

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Woman orders 'professional' cake for brother's 30th, is delivered 'monstrosity'

Sue Faulkner's daughter was left shocked by the cake she received

www.getreading.co.uk

 

[DaveCinzano]

Shoreham autumn show features fabulous ugly vegetable

Shoreham Horticultural & Allotment Society’s third virtual show of the year, the autumn show on Saturday, October 10, was well supported, with photos of autumn tints in the flower classes, long-awaited vegetables ready to grace the dinner table and fruit classes featuring apples and pears.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

Spoiler: Jo Lambert, winner of the ugly vegetable class

View attachment 234386

Looks like an Hieronymous Bosch painting of an orgy, if the orgy was a clusterfuck of spuds

 

[quiet guy]

Woman orders 'professional' cake for brother's 30th, is delivered 'monstrosity'

Sue Faulkner's daughter was left shocked by the cake she received

www.getreading.co.uk

That's priceless, it'd so bad it must be joke.

 

[Roadkill]

Cat floods Hull home after learning to turn on tap and plug the sink

 

[Marty1]

Not a local headline but a local story to me with a local sounding headline.

Police find burglar sleeping at crime scene next to half-eaten cheesecake

Officers called to a restaurant break-in didn't have to look too hard for their suspect.

news.sky.com

 

[cupid_stunt]

I've now got an image in my head of the Keystone Cops chasing peacocks around the village & surrounding countryside, with some of the villagers helping the peacocks to outwit the cops.

Police launch hunt for ‘illegal’ peacocks roaming Sussex village

A police hunt has been launched for five peacocks roaming round a Sussex village.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

The [police] flyer states: “Peacocks are non native species and their existence in the wild in Sussex cannot continue due to the potential impact on our native wildlife.

“Current efforts are focused on trapping then rehoming the peacocks. However we must advise that if this cannot be completed, then humane dispatch will be required.”

Sussex Police’s Rural Crime Team is appealing to the villagers to tell them where the birds roost or feed.

Meanwhile many residents have taken to social media to air their views. One woman said: “I’ve yet to meet someone in person who doesn’t find these magical birds bring joy to our currently very restricted lives.

“We need something to come together and smile about. Killing innocent birds is not the way to do that.”

And another posted: “This is so sad. We loved having them up here and they did no damage. Such beautiful creatures. Also sad that some Henfield residents found them a nuisance.”

Another stated: “They are no trouble and shouldn’t be destroyed.”

 

[JuanTwoThree]

I've now got an image in my head of the Keystone Cops chasing peacocks around the village & surrounding countryside, with some of the villagers helping the peacocks to outwit the cops.

Police launch hunt for ‘illegal’ peacocks roaming Sussex village

A police hunt has been launched for five peacocks roaming round a Sussex village.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

In Henfield.

As it should be.

 

[pogofish]

Bag of leeks confused with machete after police called to Aberdeen community to track down person in bunny mask


The mind boggles..!

Home

2209434

www.eveningexpress.co.uk

 

[a_chap]

Is it very different from a table leg being confused with a shotgun?

 

[seeformiles]

Is it very different from a table leg being confused with a shotgun?

Specifically saying it looked like a machete takes a bit more imagination I reckon

 

[hash tag]

Posted for quotes, inc. it's going to be expensive to fix!

Two multimillion-pound homes collapse in Chelsea amid building work

Dozens of residents have to be evacuated from their homes in south west London after two multimillion-pound properties collapsed amid renovation work.

www.standard.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

Posted for quotes, inc. it's going to be expensive to fix!

Two multimillion-pound homes collapse in Chelsea amid building work

Dozens of residents have to be evacuated from their homes in south west London after two multimillion-pound properties collapsed amid renovation work.

www.standard.co.uk

Oops!

 

[hash tag]

Chelsea for you innit note at least one good person called the fail.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Defibrillators installed at Adur and Worthing cemeteries

Four more defibrillators have been installed in Adur and Worthing, focusing on the cemeteries and crematorium this time.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

Surely it's a bit late at that stage?

 

[chandlerp]

A shocking waste of money

 

[pseudonarcissus]

The latest in the Westmorland Gazette

 

[petee]

crook arrested

Fairfield Police arrest NJ man twice in the same day

Lawrence Crook, a 37-year-old New Jersey man, faces a number of charges after being...

www.fairfieldcitizenonline.com

 

[ruffneck23]

 

[ddraig]

'They're so easily-triggered', according to those who've encountered them

These three-legged Armadillo robots are shouting at people in Leicester's Aylestone Meadows

3-legged Armadillo robots shouting at people using park

'They're so easily-triggered', according to those who've encountered them

www.leicestermercury.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

These three-legged Armadillo robots are shouting at people in Leicester's Aylestone Meadows

3-legged Armadillo robots shouting at people using park

'They're so easily-triggered', according to those who've encountered them

www.leicestermercury.co.uk

I am surprised no one has nicked them.

 

[seeformiles]

These three-legged Armadillo robots are shouting at people in Leicester's Aylestone Meadows

3-legged Armadillo robots shouting at people using park

'They're so easily-triggered', according to those who've encountered them

www.leicestermercury.co.uk

I’m keen to hear one in action

 

[Orang Utan]

Brawl breaks out in Tesco eggs aisle during two-minutes silence

Eggs were said to be smashed on the supermarket floor as a fight erupted in the big store

www.gazettelive.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

Brawl breaks out in Tesco eggs aisle during two-minutes silence

Eggs were said to be smashed on the supermarket floor as a fight erupted in the big store

www.gazettelive.co.uk

"There were smashed eggs all over the floor.

“It was definitely not something you see every day.

“I only went in for a chicken.”

 

[existentialist]

Before I even clicked the link, I knew this was going to be about some piouser-than-thou remembrancer kicking off because someone wasn't showing Due Respect.

 

[brogdale]

Before I even clicked the link, I knew this was going to be about some piouser-than-thou remembrancer kicking off because someone wasn't showing Due Respect.

So respectful and pious that she went to buy eggs in Tesco to remember her mother (?) at the very moment of remembrance.

 

[moochedit]

Funnily enough, I’ve never taken a shit someone’s garden before

Do you use their wheely bin?