Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Orang Utan]

Great choice of pic:

Brian May taken to hospital after tearing buttock muscles while gardening

Queen guitarist says ‘I won’t be able to walk for a while’ after injury during lockdown and lambasts Boris Johnson over coronavirus

www.theguardian.com

 

[19force8]

Silly, but the point is it's better to "rescue" logs than risk ignoring people in peril.

Lyme Lifeboat ‘rescues’ two logs

Lyme Regis lifeboat answered two calls yesterday (Friday, May 8) following reports of a kayak in difficulty and an unspecified object...

www.midweekherald.co.uk

 

[seeformiles]

A mate sent me this beauty

 

[cupid_stunt]

With all the shit going down, here's a good news story.

Crews rally to save dog trapped under bus in West Sussex

Emergency crews rallied to save a dog trapped under a bus in West Sussex.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

The poor Labrador, named Daisy, was found stuck underneath the single decker bus at East Wittering on Sunday evening (May 10).

West Sussex Fire & Rescue Service said: “Daisy the Labrador had a very lucky escape after she ran out in front of a bus, leaving her trapped and needing the emergency assistance of West Sussex firefighters."

“We were very surprised to see that she was still alive after her ordeal,” said Steve, adding: “But it meant we had to work quickly to get her out and ensure she received the medical attention that she needed."

Poor dogo was hit by the bus & end-up trapped under it, however...

Fire crews raised the bus off the ground using high pressure air bags and were able to bring Daisy to safety. Steve said: “She had a few nasty cuts and scratches and was clearly feeling rather battered after her ordeal.

“She had a blue light escort to the emergency vets thanks to our colleagues at Sussex Police who ensured she was well looked after.

“We later heard this morning that she is recovering well."

 

[chandlerp]

Great choice of pic:

Brian May taken to hospital after tearing buttock muscles while gardening

Queen guitarist says ‘I won’t be able to walk for a while’ after injury during lockdown and lambasts Boris Johnson over coronavirus

www.theguardian.com

View attachment 211427

Weeds Will, Weeds Will Wreck You

 

[Nine Bob Note]

We're not short of trees and bushes around here FFS!

 

[petee]

 

[UrbaneFox]

Great choice of pic:

Brian May taken to hospital after tearing buttock muscles while gardening

Queen guitarist says ‘I won’t be able to walk for a while’ after injury during lockdown and lambasts Boris Johnson over coronavirus

www.theguardian.com

View attachment 211427

Margaret Atwood has really let herself go.

 

[Indeliblelink]

Old so probably posted already but a search turned up nothing.

Woman rode motorbike naked, got fingered in the street and punched a blind man

A judge told Natasha Claus 'your life is a mess' as he banned her from Woking town centre.

metro.co.uk

 

[kabbes]

It’s quite the headline but when you click through, there’s nothing funny about the story. It’s a story about a woman who has serious problems herself and, to deal with these, is described as “taking advantage of vulnerable men”. It made me pretty sad to read it.

 

[maomao]

This is the Mirror so not a local but the pictures of his girlfriend holding first a ruler then a tape measure to his trousers while looking stony faced and offended to camera are brilliant.

Pictured: The man who took out 10-inch penis in shop to prove he wasn't stealing

Steve Whitehurst was forced to drop his trousers to confirm his innocence after being accused of theft in Stoke-on-Trent

www.mirror.co.uk

 

[Badgers]

 

[seeformiles]

That periodical is a rich seam of bizarre headlines:

Elderly couple accidentally burns house down during sex game involving WW2 flamethrower

Sand Springs, Oklahoma | A couple's sexual game turned horribly wrong this morning, as they accidentally burned their house to the ground with a 75-year old flamethrower. Firefighters were called on the site around 11:15 this morning after receiving an unusual phone call but could do nothing to sav

worldnewsdailyreport.com

 

[Orang Utan]

 

[Chz]

I want to say "Who the fuck puts tomatoes in a shepherd's (or cottage) pie?". But I'm afraid of getting petrol bombed, so I'll say "to each their own".

 

[quiet guy]

Nowt so strange as Blackburn folk.

 

[petee]

Bolivian orchestra stranded at ‘haunted’ German castle surrounded by wolves

The group arrived in Germany on March 10 expecting to perform at the MaerzMusik festival — the same day Germany announced its ban on large gatherings, swiftly followed by a full country lockdown.

nypost.com

headline better than article

 

[petee]

That periodical is a rich seam of bizarre headlines:

Elderly couple accidentally burns house down during sex game involving WW2 flamethrower

Sand Springs, Oklahoma | A couple's sexual game turned horribly wrong this morning, as they accidentally burned their house to the ground with a 75-year old flamethrower. Firefighters were called on the site around 11:15 this morning after receiving an unusual phone call but could do nothing to sav

worldnewsdailyreport.com

holy fuck you're right

Texas man admits kidnapping 79 people to anally probe them while disguised as an alien

El Paso, Texas | A man who was arrested by the FBI Yesterday has confessed to kidnapping and sexually assaulting several dozen people while using costumes, drugs, and special effects to have his victims believe they had been abducted by aliens. 73-year old Arnold White was arrested after a joint in

worldnewsdailyreport.com

why am i the littlest bit dubious ...

 

[hash tag]

Bolivian orchestra stranded at ‘haunted’ German castle surrounded by wolves

The group arrived in Germany on March 10 expecting to perform at the MaerzMusik festival — the same day Germany announced its ban on large gatherings, swiftly followed by a full country lockdown.

nypost.com

headline better than article

I heard that on the news last night; over 20 members of an orchestra who were supposed to be in Germany for 2 or 3 days have been stuck there for over a month and can't get home

 

[hash tag]

Not sure how or why this has only just come to light. Anyone fancy being rubbed down by a broom?

A man hired two guys to ‘break into’ his home and play out a fantasy involving a broom. He forgot to tell them he’d moved

A man hired two sex workers in Australia to come into his home and stroke him with a broom, but there was one problem – he gave them the wrong address.

www.pinknews.co.uk

 

[platinumsage]

Not a headline but a printing error:

 

[Badgers]

 

[fishfinger]

View attachment 215689

It's an April fool from 2011

 

[hash tag]

"Sharon Bromance". Really.

 

[kabbes]

It's an April fool from 2011

... as it also has been the last eleventy times it has been posted on this thread!

 

[Indeliblelink]

Police can't burst into your bedroom and fine you for having sex, No10 confirms

The law has changed from today outlawing two people from a different household from being inside together unless it is for the person visiting -and who is spending the majority of their time in the garden - to use the toilet

www.mirror.co.uk

 

[hash tag]

Nude Sunbather was Not a stiff
BBC News - Nude sunbather mistaken for dead body near railway line in Essex

Nude sunbather mistaken for dead body near railway line in Essex

Rail workers spotted a pair of feet "but no signs of life" within the railway boundary in Essex.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[hash tag]

Sadly, Just ouch

'Curious' young boy inserted 20 magnetic balls up his penis

The boy inserted the magnet toys up his penis, which caused painful symptoms, but he didn't tell his parents for a week because he was scared, according to a doctor

www.mirror.co.uk

 

[two sheds]

Sadly, Just ouch

'Curious' young boy inserted 20 magnetic balls up his penis

The boy inserted the magnet toys up his penis, which caused painful symptoms, but he didn't tell his parents for a week because he was scared, according to a doctor

www.mirror.co.uk

scared or scarred ?

 

[Steel Icarus]

On the plus side he could open the fridge while carrying a dinner tray