Local Newspaper Headlines!

[pseudonarcissus]

After dark at least, so up there from early afternoon.

..like the old joke about a couple who want to spice up their sex life. The chap suggests trying it doggy style. His goiod lady has two conditions...they do it in the dark....and on a street where nobody knows them.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Councillor, Town Crier & Chief Pothole Pointer, Bob Smytherman, has turned his hand to pointing at fly tipping sites, is there no limit to this man's talents?

Worthing councillors blame rise in fly-tipping in the town on ID checks at tip

Residents in Worthing are reporting an increase in fly-tipping around the town, according to several Liberal Democrat councillors.

www.shorehamherald.co.uk

 

[Maggot]

I love this poster explaining how to check if you're dreaming.

Mysterious poster claiming people may not 'know if they are dreaming' is a hoax, says Sheffield Council

A mysterious poster that has cropped up around Sheffield claiming to be council advice on how to check ‘if you are dreaming right now’ is a hoax, officials have said.

www.thestar.co.uk

 

[Indeliblelink]

It's party time for our favourite councillors after one of their pot holes finally gets filled in.

Pothole gets fixed after two year wait in West Sussex - cue street party

Councillors in Worthing are celebrating

www.spiritfm.net

 

[cupid_stunt]

It's party time for our favourite councillors after one of their pot holes finally gets filled in.

Pothole gets fixed after two year wait in West Sussex - cue street party

Councillors in Worthing are celebrating

www.spiritfm.net

Funny enough I drove over that yesterday, thinking that will please the twats, but certainly not expecting them to make even bigger twats of themselves with that staged photo op.

 

[two sheds]

Funny enough I drove over that yesterday, thinking that will please the twats, but certainly not expecting them to make even bigger twats of themselves with that staged photo op.

You drove over it? They spend months talking to local newspapers and pointing at it and all you can do is fucking drive over it???

 

[cybershot]

Give it a month and will have crumbled apart again in this weather anyway.

 

[dessiato]

Couldn’t they at least clean their shoes?

 

[Sweet FA]

A letter but still makes a great headline.

If pollution is a problem in Southampton, how come there are still birds in the sky?

READER LETTER: If pollution is a problem in Southampton, how come there are still birds in the sky?

In reply to green party member John Spottiswoode and Philip Griffiths of Romsey, (Echo Letters Feb 25) and their continued banging the same old drum…

www.dailyecho.co.uk

Answer me that and stay fashionable. You can't.

 

[cupid_stunt]

So, It's OK to continue to pollute until all the birds are dead.

Oh, hang on, we're dead too.

 

[cupid_stunt]

If he's sought by the people, of course, he's a wanted man, stupid headline!

Wanted Worthing man sought by police

Police are searching for a wanted 27-year-old Worthing man.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

 

[neonwilderness]

'There's a rat in my bathroom - what am I going to do?'

A YORK pensioner has been forced to move out of her rented home - after discovering a live rat in her bathroom.

www.yorkpress.co.uk

The preview headline is better than the actual one on the website

 

[Nine Bob Note]

Given that everyone under eighty left for a new bingo hall several months ago, it's too hideous to contemplate...

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

A belter...

Businessman tries to dodge driving charge with oral sex claim

Maurice Sines, of Newtonside Orchard in Old Windsor, gave a "false story" after being caught driving his Rolls Royce while disqualified and fleeing from police

www.getsurrey.co.uk

A businessman made up a story about telling his chauffeur not to stop driving his Rolls Royce during a police pursuit as a woman was giving him oral sex in the back of the car, a court has heard.

Maurice Sines, of Newtonside Orchard in Old Windsor, gave officers a "false story" after he was caught driving while disqualified in Virginia Water on May 24, 2018.

As he was returning home from a leisure club, Sines spotted a police vehicle outside his home; he then "swerved away and accelerated off", driving at speeds of up to 60mph, the court was told.

The 57-year-old overtook two vehicles in one manoeuvre and drove around a roundabout on the wrong side of the road, causing one vehicle to make an emergency stop to avoid a head-on collision.

Officers had to "abort the pursuit" as they could not keep up. He later abandoned the Rolls Royce and his wife picked him up in a white Land Rover.

Prosecutor Daniel Sawyer said: "When police stopped the car [the Land Rover], Mr Sines said that, yes, he had been in the Rolls Royce.


"It was being driven by his driver and he said that after estranging from his wife, he had a bird in the back having a suck and he told his driver not to stop because he did not want to be caught in that situation."

CCTV footage later revealed Sines was driving the vehicle. He appeared at Guildford Crown Court on Tuesday (March 10) charged with dangerous driving.





by the way, Maurice Sines is a very well known scumbag.

 

[editor]

What a night!

Chorley man convicted of 'flashing while balancing pie on head' will challenge his conviction

A man who was found guilty of flashing at a road junction after dancing around with a pie on his head is to appeal his case.

www.lep.co.uk

 

[Boris Sprinkler]

What a night!

Chorley man convicted of 'flashing while balancing pie on head' will challenge his conviction

A man who was found guilty of flashing at a road junction after dancing around with a pie on his head is to appeal his case.

www.lep.co.uk

So he was probably drunk and being a bellend. He is probably appealing the fact the cps chose to prosecute him as a sex offender. Which is fair enough. There remains no list for bellends.

 

[Voley]

Shit just got real in Mabe.

 

[Yossarian]

The situation in the Northwest seems to have deteriorated rapidly...

 

[andysays]

The situation in the Northwest seems to have deteriorated rapidly...

View attachment 202154

Toilet roll shortages getting really serious now...

 

[Chemical needs]

Meanwhile, in the Bristol area ...

 

[editor]

Are abandoned trollies making Yate look a mess?

A COUNCILLOR from Yate has expressed his concern at the ongoing issue involving abandoned trollies in the Yate area.

www.gazetteseries.co.uk

 

[editor]

Acomb street crumbling again just 5 weeks after repairs

A FATHER-OF-TWO has hit out after discovering the road outside his home was crumbling within five weeks of workmen resurfacing it.

www.yorkpress.co.uk

 

[editor]

Woman orders felt model of her dog, gets one that looks 'like it's had a stroke'

'I've had to keep Missy away from it because she doesn't like it, I've had to move it high up on the shelf because she keeps trying to attack it.'

metro.co.uk

 

[Badgers]

Stoned grandma caught riding mobility scooter with stun gun and knife

Police questioned her because she 'smelled strongly of cannabis and appeared to be intoxicated'.

metro.co.uk

 

[mx wcfc]

Are abandoned trollies making Yate look a mess?

A COUNCILLOR from Yate has expressed his concern at the ongoing issue involving abandoned trollies in the Yate area.

www.gazetteseries.co.uk

Clearly, though, the shit graffiti and litter is fine.

 

[extra dry]

Clearly, though, the shit graffiti and litter is fine.

That guys off his trolley

 

[neonwilderness]

Angry dad blockades street in Pot Noodle row with Bolton binmen

A ROW over an empty Pot Noodle tub led to a half hour street stand-off between an angry resident and a bin lorry.

www.theboltonnews.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

Angry dad blockades street in Pot Noodle row with Bolton binmen

A ROW over an empty Pot Noodle tub led to a half hour street stand-off between an angry resident and a bin lorry.

www.theboltonnews.co.uk

“I don’t actually like them, that what’s annoying as well,” he said. "

The man is a complete twat.

“Mr Watts’ burgundy bin actually contained lots of items that shouldn’t have been in there — plastic pots, tubs, trays, a pane of window glass and food waste.

The man is a complete FUCKING twat.

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]