Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Nine Bob Note]

Farmer says 'all hell will break loose' if he's offered milk alternative in Ulverston Costa

Mr Dickinson said: "Our vet went into Costa in Ulverston this week and was asked if he wanted a dairy-free alternative. "I'm going to go into a few Costas next weekend and if they try offering me the same all hell will break loose."

 

[ice-is-forming]

Woman dies during Australia Day lamington-eating competition

I actually won this competition two years running at this same pub. My method was to dunk the lamingtons in my beer...

Woman dies during Australia Day lamington-eating competition - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

mobile.abc.net.au

 

[Orang Utan]

Woman dies during Australia Day lamington-eating competition

I actually won this competition two years running at this same pub. My method was to dunk the lamingtons in my beer...

Woman dies during Australia Day lamington-eating competition - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

mobile.abc.net.au

had to google Lamingtons and we got the same type of cake for pudding at school dinners in the 80s

 

[cupid_stunt]

A mystery white powder reported by council officers in 63 locations on Worthing seafront.

Adur and Worthing Councils released a tweet on Tuesday (January 21) announcing that it had identified a number of piles of white powder.

It said foreshore inspectors removed 63 of the small piles which were found by Worthing Pier and along the promenade and dog wardens were alerted to the find.

This caused some alarm on social media as Worthing residents reported finding similar white powder.

What could it be?

A running group has now confirmed the white powder was flour, which it used to mark out a trail.

 

[two sheds]

That's them added to the Prevent terrorist list then.

 

[MrSki]

Police called out over fears a 'gorilla was on the loose' in Barrow

Police called out over fears a 'gorilla was on the loose' in Barrow

CHAOS was caused in Barrow after a member of the public called the police after spotting what he thought was a gorilla was on the loose.

www.nwemail.co.uk

 

[kabbes]

Police called out over fears a 'gorilla was on the loose' in Barrow

CHAOS was caused in Barrow after a member of the public called the police after spotting what he thought was a gorilla was on the loose.

www.nwemail.co.uk

Spoiler:

“The police arrived in Iron Works Road to find it was actually a man dressed as a gorilla to promote a bingo night which is due to take place next month.”

 

[pseudonarcissus]

Spoiler:

“The police arrived in Iron Works Road to find it was actually a man dressed as a gorilla to promote a bingo night which is due to take place next month.”

bigger spoiler:

"The police said armed police did not attend the incident. "

Thank god this isn't from the Sunderland Echo

 

[cupid_stunt]

Oh, FFS, this is now three times since Christmas.

And, now they are roping in members of the public to point at things, unbelievable.

View attachment 195692

Worthing potholes a ‘fatality waiting to happen’

Potholes in West Worthing are a ‘fatality waiting to happen’ according to one local resident.

www.worthingherald.co.uk

Not that our LibDems councillors are desperate for publicity.

I bumped into Councillor & Chief Pothole Pointer, Bob Smytherman, earlier, and said, 'Hi Bob, where are going, to point at more potholes?', and laughed, he didn't realise I was taking the piss!

He asked me if I had seen him on last Sunday's BBC Politics South show, and then started asking if I had seen various different potholes around town, I made my excuses & escaped.

I've just checked it out on the iPlayer, I assumed he had been interviewed, but no, he was the subject of the 'funny item' at the end of the show, a homemade video he had tweeted to them, of him holding a cake, pointing at a pothole, and singing happy birthday to it.

 

[petee]

Woman Who Requested Meeting at CIA With 'Agent Penis' Arrested Again | News Radio 1190 KEX

The woman was ordered to be held by a federal judge for violating her conditions of pretrial release.

1190kex.iheart.com

 

[Indeliblelink]

'Escaped leopard from Belfast Zoo' was really woman's leopard print dressing gown

'Escaped leopard from Belfast Zoo' was really woman's leopard print dressing gown

One Northern Ireland motorist breathed a sigh of relief this week when the leopard they thought they had driven over turned out to be a lady's leopard print dressing gown.

www.newsletter.co.uk

 

[seeformiles]

I bumped into Councillor & Chief Pothole Pointer, Bob Smytherman, earlier, and said, 'Hi Bob, where are going, to point at more potholes?', and laughed, he didn't realise I was taking the piss!

He asked me if I had seen him on last Sunday's BBC Politics South show, and then started asking if I had seen various different potholes around town, I made my excuses & escaped.

I've just checked it out on the iPlayer, I assumed he had been interviewed, but no, he was the subject of the 'funny item' at the end of the show, a homemade video he had tweeted to them, of him holding a cake, pointing at a pothole, and singing happy birthday to it.

That is some exceptional pointing going on in that article - especially love the woman on the left bringing her foot into play. Really gives it some gravitas.

 

[josef1878 2.0]

Couple to buy a home and new knees after hitting Lotto jackpot

 

[CNT36]

I bumped into Councillor & Chief Pothole Pointer, Bob Smytherman, earlier, and said, 'Hi Bob, where are going, to point at more potholes?', and laughed, he didn't realise I was taking the piss!

He asked me if I had seen him on last Sunday's BBC Politics South show, and then started asking if I had seen various different potholes around town, I made my excuses & escaped.

I've just checked it out on the iPlayer, I assumed he had been interviewed, but no, he was the subject of the 'funny item' at the end of the show, a homemade video he had tweeted to them, of him holding a cake, pointing at a pothole, and singing happy birthday to it.

Reminded me of this from a few years ago for some reason.

Residents in Penzance, Cornwall are campaigning for an overturned car to be given World Heritage status by Unesco.
A Facebook page has been set up to campaign for the upside-down white Vauxhall Corsa to receive the award of recognition from the UN’s cultural organisation.
The criteria to be included on the World Heritage List, sites must be:

of outstanding universal value and meet at least one out of ten selection criteria.

The criteria are further defined on Unesco's website.
The Facebook page argues that because the car has remained there for a matter of weeks, it has become part of the cultural landscape and should be recognised as such, putting it under the same protections as Stonehenge or the Colosseum.

 

[Serge Forward]

Pointing at knees?

 

[Badgers]

Diners fume after being told 'free lunch' offer is printing error

Customers who received a brochure headed to Bickleigh Mill near Tiverton expecting to tuck into a meal on the house

www.devonlive.com

 

[Casual Observer]

Woman exposes underwear in vicious mass Leicester Square brawl after 'fat c***' insult

".....Kotlarz [a bystander] reported that he tried to break up the fight between the women however one of the females told him to “f**k off” and so he decided the film the incident instead."

National rather than local news it seems, but hilarious either way.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Woman exposes underwear in vicious mass Leicester Square brawl after 'fat c***' insult

".....Kotlarz [a bystander] reported that he tried to break up the fight between the women however one of the females told him to “f**k off” and so he decided the film the incident instead."

National rather than local news it seems, but hilarious either way.

 

[ska invita]

Penge woman served partially eaten Filet-O-Fish demands compensation

A furious woman who says she could have caught coronavirus when she was served a partially eaten Filet-O-Fish in a Penge McDonald's is demanding…

www.newsshopper.co.uk

sadly no photo of the filet

 

[Yossarian]

Penge woman served partially eaten Filet-O-Fish demands compensation

A furious woman who says she could have caught coronavirus when she was served a partially eaten Filet-O-Fish in a Penge McDonald's is demanding…

www.newsshopper.co.uk

sadly no photo of the filet

Maybe they should put this cop on the case.

 

[editor]

Diners fume after being told 'free lunch' offer is printing error

Customers who received a brochure headed to Bickleigh Mill near Tiverton expecting to tuck into a meal on the house

www.devonlive.com

View attachment 197935

But just LOOK at the accompanying graphic!

 

[T & P]

This made me laugh this morning: A real-life Hot Fuzz town

Villagers 'not reporting drug crimes' through fear of lowering house prices

Villagers 'not reporting drug crimes' through fear of lowering house prices

Police say their concerns are unfounded

www.derbytelegraph.co.uk

Quote below from The Daily Telegraph:

People living in the town, which hosts one of Britain's top arts and crafts festivals each September, said they believed homeowners had avoided reporting crimes to the police for several years. [...] Others jokingly compared the situation to Hot Fuzz, the 2007 black comedy starring Nick Pegg and Simon Frost, in which members of a Neighbourhood Watch Association kill off undesirable residents in order to win a Village of the Year competition.

 

[editor]

View attachment 198164

[photo] Finally the fight ends but not before the woman’s underwear is once again exposed

Stay classy, Daily Mirror.

 

[1927]

Panic as staff think they accidentally sold window dresser's coat

B@titude in Leatherhead urgently appealed to the unknown customer to return the item

www.google.co.uk

 

[danny la rouge]

Man walking woman in 'dog gimp suit' on leash stopped by Glasgow police

A man has been spotted being questioned by police after walking a woman in a "dog gimp suit" on a leash along a busy Glasgow street.

www.glasgowtimes.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

And, in the middle of the fucking morning.

 

[andysays]

Man walking woman in 'dog gimp suit' on leash stopped by Glasgow police

A man has been spotted being questioned by police after walking a woman in a "dog gimp suit" on a leash along a busy Glasgow street.

www.glasgowtimes.co.uk

Didn't you and Mrs la rouge move to Glasgow recently, danny?

 

[danny la rouge]

Didn't you and Mrs la rouge move to Glasgow recently, danny?

Yes. But we’re up north. Had no idea it was all going on in the Southside.

 

[danny la rouge]

And, in the middle of the fucking morning.

What time of day would you recommend?

 

[cupid_stunt]

What time of day would you recommend?

After dark at least, so up there from early afternoon.