Feminism and the silencing of women

[JudithB]

when women on these boards are frequently asked to share intimate, traumatic descriptions to explain things to men who either can't or won't understand.

Shocked / not shocked

 

[JudithB]

It makes me wonder which comes first - whether men get into those positions and become drunk on the power they have or if they deliberately seek power in order to exploit and abuse women

Interesting. Very interesting

 

[JudithB]

That’s exactly the point I made earlier which was completely ignored. [emoji1]

 

[Steel Icarus]

And therein is a whole different thread?

https://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/male-experiences-of-patriarchy.364927/
This might be of some interest if you haven't seen it before. Some candour as well as the usual nonsense.

 

[JudithB]

very intersting blog
very relevant here.

I love Jessica

 

[JudithB]

Yes but what! Feminism and the passive aggression of leaving all the brain work of the household to women, or Feminism and the lack of expectations on men and boys to grow up, or Feminism and the phenomenon of The Scold...?

The mental load?

 

[JudithB]

https://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/male-experiences-of-patriarchy.364927/
This might be of some interest if you haven't seen it before. Some candour as well as the usual nonsense.

Going in now...wish me luck

 

[polly]

The mental load?

Yes, that's what I meant by brain work. But then I also thought there was an element of The Nag implied. But then I'm feeling crabby

 

[Cloo]

Yes 'Nag' is a devastatingly effective way of shutting down women sadly... I've always said it's 'telling that the stereotype is 'Nagging woman', not 'Man who doesn't do what he said he would'. A man expects things to be done by a woman when he asks them to be done (or, very often, he hasn't even had to ask her, she does them), because his experience is of women getting things done. But women are not entitled to expect the same of men - if they have to ask more than once, they're a nag, because it's not a woman's place to expect things to get done, it's her place to do things.

 

[JudithB]

Going in now...wish me luck

I don't know if I have to time to get over the woke cookies being handed around on this thread tbh. I perhaps should read it to the end to see if they actually stop praising themselves and start thinking about outside of their self conceived praiseworthy lifestyles.

https://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/male-experiences-of-patriarchy.364927/page-2

 

[Steel Icarus]

I don't know if I have to time to get over the woke cookies being handed around on this thread tbh. I perhaps should read it to the end to see if they actually stop praising themselves and start thinking about outside of their self conceived praiseworthy lifestyles.

https://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/male-experiences-of-patriarchy.364927/page-2

I think perhaps cutting people a bit of slack would be helpful too. It's hard to get men thinking or posting on this stuff in the first place so for some it might not be coming easy.

 

[Poot]

I found it quite enlightening. We can only see it from our current position, whereas men necessarily have to see it from the other side. It's good to know what it looks like from there.

 

[JudithB]

I think perhaps cutting people a bit of slack would be helpful too. It's hard to get men thi...nking or posting on this stuff in the first place so for some it might not be coming easy.

I will persevere. It's not people I'm going to be cutting slack, it's men.

 

[Steel Icarus]

I will persevere. It's not people I'm going to be cutting slack, it's men.

No, I meant everyone. You're pretty new here so you might not know the "convention" in the Health Relationships and Sexuality forum - colloquially "Knobbing and Sobbing" - is to keep it polite, understanding and not too judgemental, different to a lot of the other forums on Urban.

 

[Poot]

I will persevere. It's not people I'm going to be cutting slack, it's men.

 

[Pickman's model]

Female nurse who helped pioneer world's first test-tube baby was snubbed from plaque | Daily Mail Online

 

[Manter]

I read this this morning (you can read it without signing up, but caution, it’s a pretty grim read) https://www.washingtonpost.com/grap...led-by-male-supremacy/?utm_term=.d9b08de3ed7b

What struck me is that for decades women had been raising red flags about this guy, and had not been heard. *Decades*. And that meant he was free to go on and kill.

 

[Poot]

I read this this morning (you can read it without signing up, but caution, it’s a pretty grim read) https://www.washingtonpost.com/grap...led-by-male-supremacy/?utm_term=.d9b08de3ed7b

What struck me is that for decades women had been raising red flags about this guy, and had not been heard. *Decades*. And that meant he was free to go on and kill.

Interesting that it generally has links with Naziism too. People who grope women aren't very nice, it turns out. If only someone had mentioned it

 

[Manter]

Interesting that it generally has links with Naziism too. People who grope women aren't very nice, it turns out. If only someone had mentioned it

Staggering number of Islamic terrorists are violent to women too, I read somewhere. Seems to me even if you don’t care about women per se, you should care about violent or predatory behaviour towards them as it is so often the harbinger of something else

 

[JudithB]

No, I meant everyone. You're pretty new here so you might not know the "convention" in the Health Relationships and Sexuality forum - colloquially "Knobbing and Sobbing" - is to keep it polite, understanding and not too judgemental, different to a lot of the other forums on Urban.

I think I will stay out of knobbing and sobbing as I do not know any of you well enough. I am also rather blunt on occasion

 

[Manter]

I think I will stay out of knobbing and sobbing as I do not know any of you well enough. I am also rather blunt on occasion

We all are. K&S just gets less.... terrifying

 

[trashpony]

I heard a professor who is an expert in violence against women in conflict the other day on Desert Island Discs saying that more omen were killed by DV in N Ireland during the Troubles than all the people killed by civil unrest.

Now there’s uneasy peace (and this goes for all conflict situations) there are more resources that can be dedicated to helping women get out of danglers dv situations and deaths have decreased.

So that’s depressing.

 

[mango5]

I was fascinated by her descriptions of how women combated silencing in order to have an effective role in official peace-building activities (rather than unseen, domestic and community level activities).

 

[Manter]

I was fascinated by her descriptions of how women combated silencing in order to have an effective role in official peace-building activities (rather than unseen, domestic and community level activities).

I wonder if that is the battle women chose to fight/combat their own silencing or the only time it was possible?

 

[mango5]

I think they identified a moment in history and their strategy (including getting women elected) worked out well enough. We rarely hear about opportunities missed or the detail of battles lost - especially on Desert Island Discs.

 

[Manter]

I think they identified a moment in history and their strategy (including getting women elected) worked out well enough. We rarely hear about opportunities missed or the detail of battles lost - especially on Desert Island Discs.

Well yeah, that’s true enough

But more widely it’s interesting to me when women can intervene and how their intervention is presented- defending their families, no more of our sons must die etc. Not we need a rebalancing if the trade deficit.... there is still an aura of what we are allowed to think or care about

 

[Poot]

One of my colleagues thoughtfully sent this poem to my team today.

Incidentally, it's not by Pam Ayres, according to Pam Ayres.

Sat nav. A new poem by Pam Ayres

I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, i've had it all my life.
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear.
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed.
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the !!!!!! off.

 

[kabbes]

Send it on to HR

 

[Poot]

Send it on to HR

I probably don't want humourless feminist on my charge sheet. These are all older men, they honestly wouldn't get it.

 

[kabbes]

I probably don't want humourless feminist on my charge sheet. These are all older men, they honestly wouldn't get it.

I have a friend in a not dissimilar position at the moment but she’s fucked off with years of turning the other cheek and actually is going to make a complaint