The 2024 UK General Election - news, speculation and updates

[Karl Masks]

View attachment 431813

Gods, imagine. It's easy if you try

 

[The39thStep]

Not my first rodeo.

Rough in the saddle

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Village over the hill from here has had petrol in the tap water for years as a result of a leaky petrol station + Thames Water. For the past month it has got so bad that there's been a 'do not drink' notice on it, you can't wash in it either, can't do anything, basically a month with no water. As of yesterday that order was lifted, our MP thinks that might give his chances a boost, ffs...






"Enjoy the tap water" - That's it, that's what Hunt's got to offer, tap water that you can drink and use for washing.

 

[PR1Berske]

General Election 2024

Week One: The Farce of Rishi Sunak
Week Two: Labour vs Labour
Week Three: The Rise (... again) of Nigel Farage
Week Four: D-Day Crash Landings
Week Five: Supermajorities, tax and spend black holes, Contracts with Nigel Farage, We're All Seat Projection Websites Now, and Ed Davey Having A Lovely Time.
Week Six: Inflation Falls ("The Plan is Working!"); I for one welcome our opinion poll overlords; JK Rowling supports the Communist Party; Nigel Farage speaks for Russia (today); Labour doesn't talk about council tax; Reform takes on the Daily Mail; Tories don't know how to play (bet)fair; Greens learn how leaflets backfire; Someone please stop the Telegraph from hatewanking itself into oblivion.
Week Seven: Joe Biden shits himself on live television. Labour chases own candidate out of Clacton. Nigel Farage boycotts the BBC. OFCOM wafts Nigel Farage away. JK Rowling thinks TERF is the new punk. David Tennant is the true Equalities Minister. France's general election is a warning from history. Felicity Mercer vs a roundabout. Ed Davey bungee jumps. Boris! Is! Back! Are MRPs OTT? Jeremy Corbyn prepares for decision day.

 

[Wilf]

I'll start with BBC One for the 10pm exit poll. Clive Myrie is palatable, Laura Kuenssberg less so, but I do like Chris Mason so I'll stick around for him for a bit.

Sky News looks like it'll have a slick operation so I'll definitely have this on the side. They've booked out the Sky Sports Monday Night Football studio and have some sort of floor based UK constituency map they're calling the dancefloor. So I expect they'll be worth tuning in for.

ITV doesn't look massively appealing, but I'll take a look. I don't mind Tom Bradby, but do I really want to see George Osborne and Ed Balls cosying up for their take on things? Not particularly. I think ITV will get the least of my time. Channel 4 have Krishnan Guru-Murthy and Emily Maitlis along with Alastair Campbell and Rory Stewart - I feel like I'm a bit over them in particular as they seem to be everywhere. They do have Hannah Fry though doing the data and results, who I love, so I may tune in just for her.

I may occasionally look at CNN if they've got anyone interesting, and probably have 5 Live on the go too. And urban. Obvs.

I find those programmes unwatchable, almost entirely because of the party creatures putting their spin on it. Pointless really as the votes are all in anyway. Only bits I'm interested in are the results and the psychologists * take on things. And even the Portillo moments will be tempered this time round, knowing well be getting more neoliberal scum running the shop.

Edit: pissing autocorrect on phone... psephologists.

 

[quimcunx]

Having passed him at the polling station I am speculating on who Chris Morris voted for. Bell ribeiro addy is a rare breed left Labour mp. There was one socialist and the green party so maybe one of them. I'm assuming not tory, LD or reform. Maybe spunking cock.

 

[Wilf]

Village over the hill from here has had petrol in the tap water for years as a result of a leaky petrol station + Thames Water. For the past month it has got so bad that there's been a 'do not drink' notice on it, you can't wash in it either, can't do anything, basically a month with no water. As of yesterday that order was lifted, our MP thinks that might give his chances a boost, ffs...

View attachment 431835




"Enjoy the tap water" - That's it, that's what Hunt's got to offer, tap water that you can drink and use for washing.

Aww, c'mon, there's sliced bread as well.

 

[Elpenor]

General Election 2024

Week One: The Farce of Rishi Sunak
Week Two: Labour vs Labour
Week Three: The Rise (... again) of Nigel Farage
Week Four: D-Day Crash Landings
Week Five: Supermajorities, tax and spend black holes, Contracts with Nigel Farage, We're All Seat Projection Websites Now, and Ed Davey Having A Lovely Time.
Week Six: Inflation Falls ("The Plan is Working!"); I for one welcome our opinion poll overlords; JK Rowling supports the Communist Party; Nigel Farage speaks for Russia (today); Labour doesn't talk about council tax; Reform takes on the Daily Mail; Tories don't know how to play (bet)fair; Greens learn how leaflets backfire; Someone please stop the Telegraph from hatewanking itself into oblivion.
Week Seven: Joe Biden shits himself on live television. Labour chases own candidate out of Clacton. Nigel Farage boycotts the BBC. OFCOM wafts Nigel Farage away. JK Rowling thinks TERF is the new punk. David Tennant is the true Equalities Minister. France's general election is a warning from history. Felicity Mercer vs a roundabout. Ed Davey bungee jumps. Boris! Is! Back! Are MRPs OTT? Jeremy Corbyn prepares for decision day.

What constituency is Joe Biden standing in?

 

[Wilf]

I find those programmes unwatchable, almost entirely because of the party creatures putting their spin on it. Pointless really as the votes are all in anyway. Only bits I'm interested in are the results and the psychologists take on things. And even the Portillo moments will be tempered this time round, knowing well be getting more neoliberal scum running the shop.

... and having said all that, I'll still be there watching at 3 am...

 

[two sheds]

I find those programmes unwatchable, almost entirely because of the party creatures putting their spin on it. Pointless really as the votes are all in anyway. Only bits I'm interested in are the results and the psychologists take on things. And even the Portillo moments will be tempered this time round, knowing well be getting more neoliberal scum running the shop.

I'd listen to radio coverage but I want to see faces as results are announced

 

[Artaxerxes]

I find those programmes unwatchable, almost entirely because of the party creatures putting their spin on it. Pointless really as the votes are all in anyway. Only bits I'm interested in are the results and the psychologists take on things. And even the Portillo moments will be tempered this time round, knowing well be getting more neoliberal scum running the shop.

I’ll give a cheer (hopefully) when the exit poll comes out then head to bed at the usual time about half ten or eleven

There’s no point staying up for these things, you can wake up and enjoy the misery fresh

 

[moochedit]

I find those programmes unwatchable, almost entirely because of the party creatures putting their spin on it. Pointless really as the votes are all in anyway. Only bits I'm interested in are the results and the psychologists take on things. And even the Portillo moments will be tempered this time round, knowing well be getting more neoliberal scum running the shop.

Yep thats why it is best to skip the bit between the exit poll and about 2am when actual results start arriving.

 

[cupid_stunt]

I've been in training, I've had 10 hours sleep a night for the last four days, so after checking out the exit poll, I should be fine to get up at 2am and cope with being glued mainly to Sky, occasionally dipping in on the BBC, and on here, of course.

 

[maomao]

I will have my alarm set for threeish but will have to try hard not to sneak a peak when I have my 1-2am wee.

 

[moochedit]

I've been in training, I've had 10 hours sleep a night for the last four days, so after checking out the exit poll, I should be fine to get up at 2am and cope with being glued mainly to Sky, occasionally dipping in on the BBC, and on here, of course.

If the results are "interesting" then i think that'll keep me awake anyway

 

[PR1Berske]

What constituency is Joe Biden standing in?

I thought the importance was enough for inclusion.

 

[Silas Loom]

I will have my alarm set for threeish but will have to try hard not to sneak a peak when I have my 1-2am wee.

A full hour? Goodness, I thought my prostate was bad.

 

[skyscraper101]

I've been in training, I've had 10 hours sleep a night for the last four days, so after checking out the exit poll, I should be fine to get up at 2am and cope with being glued mainly to Sky, occasionally dipping in on the BBC, and on here, of course.

I've been jetlaged since getting back from the US, and I've purposely kept to US hours this week so I can last through the night tonight. I'll have a nap around 8pm for an hour as well which usually helps me stay awake.

 

[kebabking]

Sky, Urbz, local LP WhatsApp group, WhatsApp with sprog 1.

I think I'm going to stay up all night. Yeah, sure, apart from a few results pretty much everything between 10 and 2 is fluff, but I want to watch Tories have some kind of emotional collapse live on TV.

One of the podcasts I listen to said that the losing side are most honest, and most entertaining, in the 10-3 slot, and that once they go past that they become a bot more corporate, a bit more looking-to-the-future, and I want to be watching when Grant Shapps says, red-eyed and bewildered, 'Rishi is a useless cunt'...

Some thing you've just got to pay for.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Been wondering what they do with all the ballot boxes between elections, as there must be many thousands of them in the UK. Maybe they live in a warehouse somewhere and are dispatched around the country at election time, or used at village fetes for tombolas and stuff.

 

[tommers]

LOL

 

[cupid_stunt]

Been wondering what they do with all the ballot boxes between elections, as there must be many thousands of them in the UK. Maybe they live in a warehouse somewhere and are dispatched around the country at election time, or used at village fetes for tombolas and stuff.

Down here they are used to trap seagulls.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Just catching up on last night's Peston show, and James Cleverly is trying to convince people that the Tories can still win!

Last man standing?

 

[moochedit]

Just catching up on last night's Peston show, and James Cleverly is trying to convince people that the Tories can still win!

Last man standing?

Maybe he'll go "off message" after 10pm! looking forward to the meltdowns

 

[Dogsauce]

Been wondering what they do with all the ballot boxes between elections, as there must be many thousands of them in the UK. Maybe they live in a warehouse somewhere and are dispatched around the country at election time, or used at village fetes for tombolas and stuff.

In my last house there was one of the old black-painted metal ones in the small front yard, which was there when I moved in. I used it as a stand for a potted plant, never even bothered looking inside in the 18 years I owned the place, it was quite heavy so something was in there, probably all the uncounted Tory votes from Leeds West.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Aww, c'mon, there's sliced bread as well.

Can't eat it though because it's got broken glass and dog shit in it.

 

[cupid_stunt]

In my last house there was one of the old black-painted metal ones in the small front yard, which was there when I moved in. I used it as a stand for a potted plant, never even bothered looking inside in the 18 years I owned the place, it was quite heavy so something was in there, probably all the uncounted Tory votes from Leeds West.

It was probably a decapitated head, planted by that monster, farmerbarleymow.

 

[kebabking]

#dogsatpollingstations.

Turn out 'quite good, actually'.

 

[cupid_stunt]

I've just had a door knocker from Labour call to see if I've voted yet.

I said not yet, but pointed to my voting card that I've left on the floor by the door, and said, 'don't worry, I will be going later this afternoon, followed by a couple of pints in the pub to celebrate.'

Also mentioned I intend to wind-up any Tory tellers down there, which made him laugh, a very happy door knocker went on his way.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Not too many leaflets - two libscum, two labour, two SDP (whoever the fuck they are) and one from fuckwit farage.

Interestingly no vermin leaflet - they are standing but clearly didn't think it worth spending the money on printing them. They actually came second in the last election, but unfortunately for them lost by 29,000 votes.