Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Chz]

I know the Grauniad doesn't count as "local", but there's a lot of disappointment in this article. The byline states

Actor Brian Blessed dropped the f-bomb after tripping during a charity church service.

and the reality unfortunately doesn't quite measure up to that.
The strife of Brian: is it unchristian to use the f-word?

 

[hash tag]

Maybe, maybe not but suspect the vicar may have had a sneaky chuckle

 

[Chz]

I just pictured him sitting in a pew, staring at the stained glass and bellowing "Fuck me, I can see through time!"

 

[cupid_stunt]

This was published 9.30 am yesterday.

Iconic Christmas red ribbon is back on Worthing town centre jewellers’ store





By 1.30 pm...

Worthing Christmas red ribbon ripped in high winds





11. 00 am today...

Worthing’s iconic Christmas red ribbon ‘talk of the town’

Work to repair Worthing’s iconic Christmas red ribbon has been completed

Stay tuned for regular exciting updates over the coming days.

 

[Badgers]

 

[JimW]

regular exciting updates

Ribbon developments, as the geographers say.

 

[hash tag]

By 1.30 pm...

Worthing Christmas red ribbon ripped in high winds


Stay tuned for regular exciting updates over the coming days.

Cue Bob Dylan

 

[a_chap]

No doubt they're proud of how much they saved when they made the proof-reader redundant.

 

[hash tag]

"Teens armed with mental rods"
Quality reporting from the rag.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Brings back memories of working on local rags...

1 - The job ad for 'Shift Workers Required', the 'F' went missing, one pissed-off advertiser.

2 - After an election, second headline on the page, 'Count at the Town Hall', and a 'O' went missing, absolute classic.

 

[MrCurry]

Brings back memories of working on local rags...

1 - The job ad for 'Shift Workers Required', the 'F' went missing, one pissed-off advertiser.

2 - After an election, second headline on the page, 'Count at the Town Hall', and a 'O' went missing, absolute classic.

You’ve got to wonder how many of these things are truly accidental.

 

[cupid_stunt]

You’ve got to wonder how many of these things are truly accidental.

I can't say on the second example I quoted, because I was very new to the industry, but the first example I had to investigate as a manager, and it was a genuine error. It was a small independent newspaper group, the proof-reader was on holiday, as was a couple of others in the production studio, they were under real pressure to get the paper 'off stone'.

It was the most experienced & senior typesetter that had made the mistake - just one keystroke out - she was gutted about the fall-out, I just reassured her as best as I could, then had to go & make things up with the pissed-up of advertiser, with I did with about £600 worth of free advertising (early 80's prices).

One caught just before being taken off the paste-up boards & boxed-up to be driven to the printers, was a massive front page headline on both the Taunton Star & the Bridgwater Star, about 60,000 combined distribution.

It was about an illegal rave up on the Quantock Hills, between the two towns, ironically an 'E' had gone missing from... 'These hooligans should not come up her(e) and cause this damage!'.

Fucking good job that didn't go to press.

ETA rubbershoes may like that one.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Just to add, the job ad was in the Mid-Devon Star, only delivered Fri. evening/Sat. morning, and was for a hotel with a bar open to the locals, who took the piss out of him Fri. evening and all over the weekend, before he could call us & explode down the phone on Mon. morning.

I was the poor sod that took the call, having been alerted to the problem by the receptionist transferring the call to me, I put up with him shouting abuse down the phone, 'you fucking cunts, you did on purpose, you fucking bastards' sort of thing.

I kept the phone's handset at a distance from my ear & allowed him to vent his anger, whilst struggling not to burst out laughing, which would not have gone down well.

 

[petee]

https://nypost.com/2019/12/09/arizona-man-registers-swarm-of-bees-as-emotional-support-animals/

Prescott Valley, Ariz., resident David Keller thinks the application process to register an emotional support animal is too easy — so he tried registering a swarm of bees as his service pet.

It worked.

 

[dessiato]

Prison Officer Who Was Best Man At Wedding Beats Up The Bride And Drags Her Down Flight Of Stairs Found Guilty - Euro Weekly News Spain

 

[cupid_stunt]

Prison Officer Who Was Best Man At Wedding Beats Up The Bride And Drags Her Down Flight Of Stairs Found Guilty - Euro Weekly News Spain

What a cunt.

 

[dessiato]

What a cunt.

I’m, excuse the pun, gobsmacked. Whatever would possess someone to do this?

 

[cupid_stunt]

I’m, excuse the pun, gobsmacked. Whatever would possess someone to do this?

It's strange what can come out at weddings, after the drink has been flowing.

My oldest niece kicked-off at my younger niece's wedding earlier this year, no violence, but mega-drama, made a complete twat of herself.

There's been no contact between her & the rest of the family since, we all think she needs to apologise, she clearly doesn't. *shrugs*

 

[two sheds]

Mate in rough area of Wolverhampton years ago went to a wedding that got double booked with a funeral and a fight broke out

 

[Fez909]

Psychic taxi driver denies stalking after teen says he knew too much

 

[petee]

Cops Bust Costumed Characters In Rock Center: 'The Minions Were Hauling Ass'

"Lower East Side resident Kat Sullivan tells Gothamist she witnessed "a group of Minions hauling ass" "

 

[Poi E]

A paranormal psychic is fined after hosting online sessions while driving

He didn't see that coming.

 

[MrSki]

What is it about hiding in white goods?

Woman, 39, wanted by police in Stoke-on-Trent found hiding inside washing machine

From here

 

[wiskey]

Not local exactly but a contender for the Darwin Awards

BBC News - Driver 'blows up' car with 'excessive' use of air freshener
Smoking driver 'blows up' car with air freshener

 

[cupid_stunt]

Not local exactly but a contender for the Darwin Awards

BBC News - Driver 'blows up' car with 'excessive' use of air freshener
Smoking driver 'blows up' car with air freshener

He used "excessive" amounts of the aerosol scent before sparking up, according to firefighters.

Gas from the spray ignited, blew out the windscreen and windows and buckled the doors but the man escaped with only minor injuries.

It was so powerful it caused damage to windows at nearby businesses.

Fucking hell!

 

[dessiato]

Reminds me of something that almost happened to me years ago.

I had about 7,5 litres of a highly flammable solvent behind the drivers seat of my car. I threw a lit cigarette out the window. It came back in and landed among the bottles of solvent.

It's amazing how fast you can get out of a car, and empty it, when you need to.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Reminds me of something that almost happened to me years ago.

I had about 7,5 litres of a highly flammable solvent behind the drivers seat of my car. I threw a little cigarette out the window. It came back in and landed among the bottles of solvent.

It's amazing how fast you can get out of a car, and empty it, when you need to.

How the hell are you still alive?

 

[quiet guy]

Channel 5 would have a field day with your near escapes/ not so near escapes. You need to get yourself an agent

 

[two sheds]

or a full-time risk assessor.

 

[petee]

local

Queens man impeached — Queens Daily Eagle

"Former Jamaica Estates resident Donald Trump was impeached Wednesday by the U.S. House of Representatives. He is the third president to be impeached in United States history — and the first from Queens."