Local Newspaper Headlines!

[cupid_stunt]

Swan causing traffic delays on A590

A SWAN is causing traffic delays on the A590.

The bird is wandering close to the Shell garage at Ulverston.

End of article

We have pigs!

‘Pigs on road’ causing traffic delays on A27 in Worthing

Pigs on the road are causing slow traffic on the A27 in Worthing this afternoon (Saturday).

Traffic reports say the animals have been creating disruption on the Sompting Bypass at Lyons Farm Retail Park since about 12.30pm.

There is no further information available at this time.

 

[Badgers]

Ow

 

[cupid_stunt]

Another couple of classic 'in-depth' stories...

Car on fire in residential street

FIRE crews were called to a burning car.

Two-metre high flames leapt from the bonnet of the black estate car in Goring Road, Worthing on Sunday lunchtime.

A spokesman for West Sussex Fire and Rescuer Service said: “A call was received just after 12 to a report of a car on fire in Goring Road, Worthing.”

A fire engine from Worthing fire station attended and extinguished the flames.

Blimey a fire engine attended and extinguished the flames!

And, now to the brand-new multi-million pound swimming pool development...

Worthing Splashpoint closed ‘until further notice’

Splashpoint Leisure Centre in Worthing has been closed ‘until further notice’.

In a statement on the South Downs Leisure Facebook page, a spokesman said: “Due to issues with our water systems, Splashpoint is currently closed until further notice.

“Sorry for any inconvenience caused.”

Did someone have a poo in the pool?

 

[mx wcfc]

Not exactly a headline, but my local paper has little snippets like this every week......

 

[Badgers]

 

[The39thStep]

Mum angry after son missed school lunch because he took so long having a poo

check the eyebrows on her

 

[The39thStep]

Steampunks barred from newly reopened Steep Hill pub

 

[The39thStep]

Passenger 'sorry' after breaking wind on Derby bus

 

[cupid_stunt]

Passenger 'sorry' after breaking wind on Derby bus

“I had terrible flatulence.. And afraid one slipped out very loudly. 4 people turned round in their seats to look at me. To be fair, it felt like I was on The Voice.”

 

[neonwilderness]

Teen exits Nando's and walks into canal that looks like grass

 

[kabbes]

View attachment 186956

We’ve had that one a number of times. I think maybe even once from you. It’s not a real news story.

 

[Badgers]

We’ve had that one a number of times. I think maybe even once from you. It’s not a real news story.

Will post again in a few months

 

[seeformiles]

Perhaps “horror” is not a strong enough word for this outrage:

Leeds community reacts with horror after four beauty salons burgled in single night

 

[Steel Icarus]

Perhaps “horror” is not a strong enough word for this outrage:

Leeds community reacts with horror after four beauty salons burgled in single night

You wouldn't want them to gloss over it now would you?

 

[JimW]

You wouldn't want them to gloss over it now would you?

Yeah, however you dress it up, really doesn't look good.

 

[dessiato]

Steampunks barred from newly reopened Steep Hill pub

Sam Smiths pub.

 

[hash tag]

Steampunks barred from newly reopened Steep Hill pub

Sounds perfect for JRM

 

[hash tag]

Turns out the good folks of Derby are not so bad after all

Passenger 'sorry' after breaking wind on Derby bus

 

[neonwilderness]

Dog walker's outrage after walks 'ruined' by animals on the Ashdown Forest

 

[dessiato]

Ow

My ex's mother had a 13lb baby. Must have hurt.

 

[neonwilderness]

Fuming dad barred from Cambs Wetherspoons after buying son 'alcohol-free' cider

 

[Badgers]

Fuming dad barred from Cambs Wetherspoons after buying son 'alcohol-free' cider

marty21 ?

 

[chandlerp]

My ex's mother had a 13lb baby. Must have hurt.

My twin nieces were 8lb 1oz each

 

[hash tag]

Teenager with TWO vaginas says it took doctors eight years to spot her unusual ...

 

[neonwilderness]

Bus sailed past waiting group of 17 who had planned trip for two months

 

[chandlerp]

Tsk, buses don't sail.

 

[hash tag]

Flew?

 

[Steel Icarus]

Man smashes shop window with catapult and Mint Imperial

 

[cupid_stunt]

BREAKING NEWS - HOLD THE FRONT PAGE:

Cost of new signs outside council headquarters revealed

Cash-strapped West Sussex County Council has spent more than £600 on a couple of new signs for County Hall, Chichester.

WOW!

 

[hash tag]

Wife arrested over 'nagging' husband to clean house breaks silence