Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Serge Forward]

Because it’s National David Van day.

Any relation to lovely Ludwig Van?

 

[mx wcfc]

Joyous news here in Winch. The local Tory mp was one of the 21. If he stands as an Independent, it’ll split the Tory vote and the Libs are sure to get in.

Oh.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Is KFC set to open more drive-thrus in Sussex?

KFC fans were sent into a frenzy yesterday when news circulated online that the fast food giant was planning on opening a number of drive-thrus in Sussex.

A frenzy?

I think not.

 

[existentialist]

Your issue here was not the complaint about too much ice, but telling them your solution.

When my eldest daughter was 12, she and some mates wanted to go to the local Vue to see a 15. I said she'd have to lie about her age.

She returned home later.

"Did you enjoy the film?"
"I didn't get in"
"Did they not believe you about your age".
"Yes, they did. That was the problem".
"Eh? What do you mean?"
"I didn't think 15 was believable so I said 13".

Heh, just like the drunk man looking for his keys under the street lamp - "Is this where you think you dropped them?" "No, but it's the only place with enough light for me to search"

 

[machiavellian]

Mines normally another murder in da hood

 

[danny la rouge]

Heh, just like the drunk man looking for his keys under the street lamp - "Is this where you think you dropped them?" "No, but it's the only place with enough light for me to search"

She’s in her 20s now, but she’s still the weak link in any subterfuge, like surprise parties etc.

 

[neonwilderness]

OAP's fury at Asda charging 96p less for shrink-wrapped tins of baked beans

 

[JimW]

So it's the multipacks more than the wrapping? Bloody hell grandad, though good pointing.

 

[neonwilderness]

So it's the multipacks more than the wrapping? Bloody hell grandad, though good pointing.

He does have a point tbf, but it’s a great headline and photo

 

[cupid_stunt]

So it's the multipacks more than the wrapping? Bloody hell grandad, though good pointing.

He has a valued point, there's no need to wrap cans in bloody plastic, they could easily offer a multi-buy discount on individual cans.

 

[Mordi]

He has a valued point, there's no need to wrap cans in bloody plastic, they could easily offer a multi-buy discount on individual cans.

I feel that me agreeing with this is some sort of watershed moment. It is only a matter of time before I too am found pointing at something in newsprint.

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[existentialist]

OAP's fury at Asda charging 96p less for shrink-wrapped tins of baked beans

View attachment 184241

It's nice when they find a hobby, or something that can give their fading lives some meaning

 

[kabbes]

Calling beans “his breakfast staple” is also a great example of local rags unnecessarily using increasingly egregious alternative definitions

 

[extra dry]

Is KFC set to open more drive-thrus in Sussex?

A finger licking frenzy? I feel slightly ill.
I used to work in KFC. 2 yrs, I could fry a chip untimed to prefection, make 18 chicken thighs, 12 legs and 6 breast in 14 minutes.

 

[extra dry]

Calling beans “his breakfast staple” is also a great example of local rags unnecessarily using increasingly egregious alternative definitions

I wonder what his nickname was around his work place, Mr. Bean? Or old stinky?

 

[editor]

Raaaaunchy stuff. Nearly half a century ago.

Drama outside Storyhouse as protesters oppose Rocky Horror Show

 

[Wilf]

OAP's fury at Asda charging 96p less for shrink-wrapped tins of baked beans

View attachment 184241

Please change the product slightly, so I can do a 'Leaning Tower of Peas' headline.

 

[pogofish]

North-east man in court for farting during strip search

North-east man in court for farting during strip search - Evening Express

he “deliberately farted in the direction of the officer three times, stating, ‘how do you like that?’”

 

[Wilf]

North-east man in court for farting during strip search

North-east man in court for farting during strip search - Evening Express

Class War.

 

[Badgers]

FARK.com: Links by Tags (Mobile) -- links tagged 'Oddball Trevor Smith'

 

[neonwilderness]

Woman's shock as she finds a fish in tin of Asda baked beans

 

[cupid_stunt]

Woman's shock as she finds a fish in tin of Asda baked beans

That's so wrong, she's holding a tin of beans, instead of pointing at one.

 

[editor]

North-east man in court for farting during strip search

North-east man in court for farting during strip search - Evening Express

Here's the front page

 

[hash tag]

so there I was looking for news about deselecting an MP....oh shit People forced to wait in rain after poo still not cleared from bus shelter

 

[Badgers]

 

[hash tag]

Would the man with the ten inch penis please come to security
Stokie accused of shoplifting drops pants to prove suspicious bulge is his penis

 

[cupid_stunt]

Would the man with the ten inch penis please come to security
Stokie accused of shoplifting drops pants to prove suspicious bulge is his penis

Valve?

 

[hash tag]

In a similar vein This man was caught 'trying to have sex with a plastic cone'

 

[HoratioCuthbert]

Here's the front page

I like your custom title. I like your post.

/appreciation

Any relation to lovely Ludwig Van?

He’s Camper Van’s cousin as far I’m aware.