The 2019 General Election

[FridgeMagnet]

He asked me as well, the cheapskate. This is some sort of crowdsourcing con job if you ask me. Listen pal, you write the manifesto and then we'll decide whether we want to vote for it, that's how this works*, and hire proper copywriters for a fair wage.

* NB has not worked like that pretty much forever

 

[JimW]

He asked me as well, the cheapskate. This is some sort of crowdsourcing con job if you ask me. Listen pal, you write the manifesto and then we'll decide whether we want to vote for it, that's how this works*, and hire proper copywriters for a fair wage.

* NB has not worked like that pretty much forever

Just bill them for the work.

 

[Beermoth]

Here's hoping...

'He’s got a battle on his hands': could Uxbridge unseat Boris Johnson?

 

[MickiQ]

Here's hoping...

'He’s got a battle on his hands': could Uxbridge unseat Boris Johnson?

Now this would beyond funny into outright hysterical, especially if the Tories won a majority. The power struggles would be glorious to behold

 

[Proper Tidy]

I didn't get asked, rude cunt. I think I'm still classed as an affiliated member or whatever they call people in affiliated unions too

 

[mauvais]

I didn't get asked, rude cunt. I think I'm still classed as an affiliated member or whatever they call people in affiliated unions too

I'm one of those and I got asked. I have heard on the grapevine that your manifesto ideas are particularly shit though, IDK if maybe that's it?

 

[Proper Tidy]

I'm one of those and I got asked. I have heard on the grapevine that your manifesto ideas are particularly shit though, IDK if maybe that's it?

Can't argue with that really. I was just going to propose introducing more violent rhetoric

 

[mauvais]

I've told him I want (a) power at all levels of government to be devolved to local decision makers, and (b) Radio 4 to be shut down immediately.

 

[Gerry1time]

Jeremy Corbyn has written to me personally and asked me to write his manifesto for him:
***
Dear Kabbes

We could have a Labour Government by Christmas!

The General Election on 12 December gives us all a once-in-a-generation chance for real change in this country. In the coming weeks we will be publishing our election manifesto setting out our proposals.

Labour is a movement, and our strength comes from us all working together. That's why I want to hear your priorities for our manifesto.

Help write our manifesto today
How do you think we can best tackle the climate and environmental emergency, or rebuild our public services? How can we end the scourge of poverty, or create a world of peace and human rights? Share your thoughts now, and together we'll make our movement even stronger.

***

What suggestions shall I give?

They're not asking you to write the manifesto. They wouldn't anyway, but especially not with a shadow cabinet that divided. They're just asking you to send them your personal policy preferences so they can then target you with personalised follow up messages they think you'll like so you'll vote for them.

 

[brogdale]

They're not asking you to write the manifesto. They wouldn't anyway, but especially not with a shadow cabinet that divided. They're just asking you to send them your personal policy preferences so they can then target you with personalised follow up messages they think you'll like so you'll vote for them.

So, if I wrote saying I wanted free Bishop's Finger, they'd get back to me saying they'd do that?
Sound's like a winner to me.

 

[Raheem]

So, if I wrote saying I wanted free Bishop's Finger, they'd get back to me saying they'd do that?
Sound's like a winner to me.

No, they'd have an algorithm telling them that people who prioritise free Bishop's Finger also support renationalisation of the railways.

 

[brogdale]

No, they'd have an algorithm telling them that people who prioritise free Bishop's Finger also support renationalisation of the railways.

Yikes!
Just in time Raheem ...I was just about to click the "Yes, I'll join" button!

 

[Gerry1time]

So, if I wrote saying I wanted free Bishop's Finger, they'd get back to me saying they'd do that?
Sound's like a winner to me.

They’ll probably just suggest that Shepherd Neame would be better as a nationalised industry. It appears that’s pretty much the only message they’ve got for this election.

 

[brogdale]

They’ll probably just suggest that Shepherd Neame would be better as a nationalised industry. It appears that’s pretty much the only message they’ve got for this election.

Corbyn's Finger; the people's pint.

 

[Raheem]

Corbyn's Finger; the people's pint.

Half-litre. May as well be open about it.

 

[kabbes]

I support compulsory maths lessons up to age 30. What will that make them target me on?

 

[Doctor Carrot]

So, if I wrote saying I wanted free Bishop's Finger, they'd get back to me saying they'd do that?
Sound's like a winner to me.

Judging by the taste of that stuff I shudder to think where that bishop's finger has been.

 

[brogdale]

Judging by the taste of that stuff I shudder to think where that bishop's finger has been.

Er...what?
Named after (pointing) signposts on the pilgrim's way btw.

 

[marty21]

Farage has announced he'll not be standing in the election.

Shame, it would have been nice to see him lose again.

HUGE vote of no confidence in his own party

 

[Gerry1time]

Corbyn's Finger; the people's pint.

Along with the launch of a new beer that will be carefully designed for everyone to like up and down the country, or at least designed so that no-one will find it too objectionable, to the point that everyone goes off and consumes different, more distinctive, beers instead. Ones that better suit their own specific outlook on beer. I imagine the new beer will be called 'Magic Grandpa'.

 

[brogdale]

Along with the launch of a new beer that will be carefully designed for everyone to like up and down the country, or at least designed so that no-one will find it too objectionable, to the point that everyone goes off and consumes different, more distinctive, beers instead. Ones that better suit their own specific outlook on beer. I imagine the new beer will be called 'Magic Grandpa'.

Leamain Ale 4.8%
Reave Bitter 5.2%

 

[ThirtyFootSmurf]

Leamain Ale 4.8%
Reave Bitter 5.2%

Not sure it's worth breaking a near decade long lurk for this, but sadly those really are a thing:

Although they're both at 3.7%, so they missed a trick there.

 

[brogdale]

Not sure it's worth breaking a near decade long lurk for this, but sadly those really are a thing:

Although they're both at 3.7%, so they missed a trick there.

Pint of AB for me, then!

 

[tim]

Now this would beyond funny into outright hysterical, especially if the Tories won a majority. The power struggles would be glorious to behold

He'll move to a safer seat and let someone else get trounced in Uxbridge.

 

[Flavour]

Not sure it's worth breaking a near decade long lurk for this, but sadly those really are a thing:



Although they're both at 3.7%, so they missed a trick there.

thought having the "remain" beer be the "bitter" would have made more sense tbh.

 

[andysays]

He'll move to a safer seat and let someone else get trounced in Uxbridge.

I'd be very surprised if he did that, not least because it will make him look like a bottler

 

[cupid_stunt]

I'd be very surprised if he did that, not least because it will make him look like a bottler

He may consider it's better to look like a bottler than be an actual loser.

 

[brogdale]

I'd be very surprised if he did that, not least because it will make him look like a bottler

Would certainly send a message about his/their expectation of swing/blustercunt's real 'appeal'.

 

[andysays]

Would certainly send a message about his/their expectation of swing/blustercunt's real 'appeal'.

Exactly. It wouldn't just make him look like a bottler personally, it would provide all the opposition parties with a big stick to beat the Tories.

Plus, it's actually not necessary because he isn't going to lose in Uxbridge, much though I'd like to see that.

 

[Monkeygrinder's Organ]

I guess what a close-ish contest in Uxbridge might do is force him to go and do some actual campaigning there. He probably doesn't want to be doing that, especially as it might end up with him having to deal with some members of the public in an uncontrolled situation.