PM Boris Johnson - monster thread for a monster twat

[two sheds]

I dunno - at least while they're reading letters* they're not passing crap laws





*not that they actually read them of course

 

[cupid_stunt]

Adrian Chiles gonna be mad. Johnson’s nicked his schtick.

Funny you should say that.

 

[spitfire]

Hah! I'd not seen those.

 

[2hats]

What's surprising to me, is that it doesn't seem to include a single lie, my conclusion is he probably had someone else write it for him, and the lie is he wrote it himself.

Outsourced it to someone who in turn fed the task to ChatGPT, polished the resultant turd and then handed it back.

 

[PR1Berske]

"One former minister described Mr Johnson as being like “the last drunk standing, throwing random punches at anyone who comes near him”.

12ft |

12ft.io

 

[kenny g]

Outsourced it to someone who in turn fed the task to ChatGPT, polished the resultant turd and then handed it back.

To chat gpt:
Write a 600 word daily mail comment article in the style of Boris Johnson about unsuccessful use of a weight loss medication after seeing it have positive effects on cabinet colleagues

Chatgpt:
Title: The Bumpy Road to Weight Loss: My Unsuccessful Encounter with the Fickle Pill
As a man who has navigated the treacherous waters of politics and faced numerous challenges, it is with great candor that I recount my recent, albeit unsuccessful, journey with a weight loss medication that had shown promising results among my esteemed cabinet colleagues. Yes, dear readers, even we public servants have our battles with the bulge.
It was during a cabinet meeting, where the weighty matters of state were being diligently discussed, that I first caught wind of this miraculous pill. As a connoisseur of all things transformative, my curiosity was piqued. Cabinet members regaled me with tales of pounds melting away effortlessly, revealing chiseled physiques beneath their tailored suits. The allure of such a prospect was simply irresistible.
Determined to shed a few extra pounds that had taken refuge around my midsection, I embarked upon a journey to obtain this coveted weight loss medication. I consulted with the finest experts, medical advisors, and even some rather enthusiastic fitness enthusiasts. Armed with their recommendations, I was ready to take on the world, or rather, take on my waistline.
However, as fate would have it, my experience with this pill proved to be a rather humbling one. Perhaps it was a twist of irony, a gentle reminder that not everything that works for some would work for all. Alas, the weight loss gods seemed to have a different plan in store for me.
For weeks, I dutifully adhered to the prescribed regimen, popping the magic pill with the fervor of a child unwrapping a long-awaited Christmas gift. Oh, the anticipation! Alas, my optimism was short-lived. Despite my best efforts, the pounds clung to me like tenacious political opponents during a heated debate.
Now, some might argue that my hectic schedule, the relentless demands of public office, and the occasional indulgence in classic British cuisine could have undermined the pill's efficacy. But let me assure you, dear readers, that I approached this endeavor with unwavering determination and a fervent belief in the transformative power of science.
Yet, as I glanced at my reflection in the mirror each morning, the image staring back at me remained stubbornly unaltered. The weight loss fairy, it seemed, had forgotten to grace me with her wand.
But let me be clear – this is not a tale of woe or self-pity. Far from it! For in life, there are battles we win, and there are battles we lose. And though my tryst with the weight loss medication may have ended in disappointment, it has taught me a valuable lesson: that the path to wellness is not paved solely by a single pill, but by a holistic approach to health and well-being.
So, dear readers, let us not lose hope in our quest for a healthier and more fulfilling life. Let us not be deterred by the occasional setback, but rather find solace in the knowledge that we are not alone in our struggles. Together, we shall conquer the demons of excess weight and embrace the joys of vitality.
As I pen down these words, I do so with a renewed sense of purpose. My personal journey may not have yielded the desired results, but my resolve to promote a healthier nation remains unwavering. For it is in the face of adversity that true leadership is forged, and it is through our collective efforts that we shall triumph.
So, my friends, let us continue to strive for a healthier future, armed with knowledge, perseverance, and the unwavering belief that success may be elusive at times, but it is always within our reach. Onwards we march, with our heads held high, for the quest for wellness is a noble one, and

I reckon the chat GPT Johnson is better!

 

[cupid_stunt]

Can't argue with this.

 

[quiet guy]

No, once he put in his official resignation letter he took the 'Chiltern Hundreds', which disqualifies him sitting as a MP, he's an ex-MP, and his constituency is unrepresented in the Commons until after the by-election.

Read this and immediately thought of the Norwegian Blue parrot skit from Monty Python

 

[Magnus McGinty]

Off the back of (another) seismic week in British politics, did he really think what would capture the reader's interest is his waistline

He’s probably got shares in the company.

 

[quiet guy]

Or he was paid to take them and review. Shock horror that he does anything without it being remunerated

 

[contadino]

PM of G7 economy to mystery shopper in three easy cock-ups.

 

[Serge Forward]

The Adrian Chiles act is just another Johnson ploy. It won't be long before he moves onto piccaninies and letter boxes again, then ramping it up to why everyone but him is a liar and why he, and he alone, deserves to be PM, etc.

Oh, almost forgot to say, he's a cunt.

 

[stavros]

I reckon the chat GPT Johnson is better!

In that you can unplug it.

 

[JimW]

In that you can unplug it.

They could have tried it with him that first COVID bout.

 

[gosub]

Off the back of (another) seismic week in British politics, did he really think what would capture the reader's interest is his waistline

Probably wrote 2 columns and Mail decided it couldn't use the other one

 

[moochedit]

The Adrian Chiles act is just another Johnson ploy. It won't be long before he moves onto piccaninies and letter boxes again, then ramping it up to why everyone but him is a liar and why he, and he alone, deserves to be PM, etc.

Oh, almost forgot to say, he's a cunt.

Yep hopefully he will write next weeks article pissed and get a tory civel war going! * gets deckchair ready *

 

[cupid_stunt]

Yep hopefully he will write next weeks article pissed and get a tory civel war going! * gets deckchair ready *

Just make sure you stock-up on popcorn early, according to the Irish Times stocks have already run out in Ireland.

Popcorn stocks sell out once more as Boris Johnson goes noisily

Eight months on from the classic Waterford Whispers headline “Ireland Completely Sells Out of Popcorn”, published by the satirical website in the wake of Liz Truss’s resignation as UK prime minister, popcorn remains the snack of the day in Westminster, with Private Eye opting for a string of “ha ha has” on the cover of its Boris Johnson resignation special.

 

[Storm Fox]

The Johnson Coloumn reminded me of the "Henry's Diary" episode of Drop The Dead Donkey, where Henry gets Dave to write his column who in turn gets Joy to write it for a fraction of the money Henry gets.

 

[gosub]

The Adrian Chiles act is just another Johnson ploy. It won't be long before he moves onto piccaninies and letter boxes again, then ramping it up to why everyone but him is a liar and why he, and he alone, deserves to be PM, etc.

Oh, almost forgot to say, he's a cunt.

Don't think piccanines will get past the subs at the Mail.....too many syllables

 

[Dogsauce]

Thing is, all the other papers including Tory ones will now have an open season on his legacy because a) he signed up to a rival paper and they’ll want to diminish his public reputation to undermine the Mail, and b) to protect the Tory mothership they need to weaken him so his attacks on Sunak etc come from someone with less stature/authority. So I predict a few fun stories and bloodletting in the next few months.

 

[equationgirl]

The Daily Mail's first return on the 'six figure salary' they are reportedly paying Boris:

Archived version

Hmmm, what could this 'wonder drug' be ?? Suggestions on a postcard....

My bet is Ozempic/Wegovy - it's been all across the press for the last twelve months. Howe er the makers are diverting so much to the weight loss market it's becoming harder for actual diabetics like myself to get the medication we need. Go corporate greed.

ETA. Ibraved the article, I am correct , he's talking about semaglutide although he says Ozempic, which is the version for diabetics. The weightloss version is Wegovy.

 

[sealion]

Apols if this has already been posted. I do like this geezer, tells it how it is

 

[brogdale]

The Mirror has the first video of the cunts partying whilst people died. Looks like Shaun Bailey's party with the twat in the jumper coloured like the plates of food.

Tories drink, dance and laugh at Covid rules in first ever Partygate video

The Conservatives face the threat of a new police probe as an exclusive video shows officials joking about their rule-bending Christmas bash at the party's headquarters in London during lockdown

www.mirror.co.uk

 

[Wilf]

He’s probably got shares in the company.

It would be appropriate if he was invested in something that produced oily shits.

 

[Ming]

Find this whole emailing your MP thing really weird to be honest. What's the point and what do you think it'll achieve? (And why are people surprised when they get some bollocks answer?)

It's like doing an angry Google review. Gets filed in the bin. Our vote is the only thing we've got. It's worth trying to swing fence sitters in the righteous direction though. I tend to use rational self interest as a motivator as the rational tories are a very small minority and usually already well off.

 

[brogdale]

More pressure on Rat-boy to say something/anything about those "honours"

 

[SpookyFrank]

The Mirror has the first video of the cunts partying whilst people died. Looks like Shaun Bailey's party with the twat in the jumper coloured like the plates of food.

Tories drink, dance and laugh at Covid rules in first ever Partygate video

The Conservatives face the threat of a new police probe as an exclusive video shows officials joking about their rule-bending Christmas bash at the party's headquarters in London during lockdown

www.mirror.co.uk

That's Lord Bailey to you peasant

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

ftr, Johnson got £245,000 of our money to fund his defence to the charges that he lied. He knew he was telling lies to the committee yet still took your money to fund his defence knowing that he had none. During a cost of living crisis. Cunt.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

A cover is a good way of judging a book.



Cunt looks a total cunt.

 

[brogdale]

That's Lord Bailey to you peasant

Indeed; for services to social cohesion, I believe?