Filth by name; thick by nature. A thread for banal police stupidity

[Bahnhof Strasse]

White tiger toy scare causes Hampshire police alert

A white tiger in a field in Hedge End near Southampton caused police emergency measures until identified as a life-size toy

www.theguardian.com

 

[A380]

1: Rozzers are thick, one piece of evidence adduced to support this is that they use the terms ‘offside’ and ‘near side’ to describe the sides of motor vehicles.

…they would talk about people alighting from vehicles. on the offhand side or near side…

2: Lots of posters comment to say that they themselves don’t know the difference between ‘offside’ and ‘near side’

 

[Dystopiary]

1: Rozzers are thick, one piece of evidence adduced to support this is that they use the terms ‘offside’ and ‘near side’ to describe the sides of motor vehicles.



2: Lots of posters comment to say that they themselves don’t know the difference between ‘offside’ and ‘near side’

Not knowing doesn't make you thick. Using needlessly obscure conversation in a rigid manner, then having to explain what you mean to your audience / interlocutors / interverwees when there are perfectly useable every day phrases is a bit dense though. Where else do you even hear alighting from a vehicle. Everyone just gets out of the car.

 

[Silas Loom]

White tiger toy scare causes Hampshire police alert

A white tiger in a field in Hedge End near Southampton caused police emergency measures until identified as a life-size toy

www.theguardian.com

Sounds like the response was reasonably sensible. I don’t think that life-size models of apex predators should be routinely abandoned in fields.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Sounds like the response was reasonably sensible. I don’t think that life-size models of apex predators should be routinely abandoned in fields.

Did not one notice that the fucker hadn't moved a muscle in 10 hours?

 

[Silas Loom]

Did not one notice that the fucker hadn't moved a muscle in 10 hours?

Big cats are lazy bastards. If the animal was leaping about exuberantly they’d probably have assumed it was a furry on party drugs and sent a PCSO.

 

[Santino]

Did no one read the fucking Highway Code when learning to drive?

Only once, and the instructor told me to keep my eyes on the road.

 

[Silas Loom]

Only once, and the instructor told me to keep my eyes on the road.

That’s a bit “and then I got off the bus” for your usually high standards.

 

[A380]

Not knowing doesn't make you thick. Using needlessly obscure conversation in a rigid manner, then having to explain what you mean to your audience / interlocutors / interverwees when there are perfectly useable every day phrases is a bit dense though. Where else do you even hear alighting from a vehicle. Everyone just gets out of the car.

Not that I listened to loads of interviews or anything but the PEACE model calls for both rapport building and also ensuring understanding.

Statements made by the old bill probably would refer to near side and off side, because they are the most accurate way of describing the sides of a vehicle ( drivers and passenger side being good for probably about 95% of cars, 70% of HGVs and 0% of motorbikes). Likewise most rozzers’ statements would probably start by describing all the vehicles involved in full ( a marked police van, an unmarked police car, a Vauxhall Astra hatch back car car) and then number them off as say Vehicle 1 to whatever then refer to them like that for the rest of the statement.

So in an interview the interviewer should use terms understood by the subject of the interview. You might, I imagine, hear. So the officer said she saw you get out of the ‘near side front door, that’s the front passenger door, ‘ probably.

Police statements are documents designed to be presented to a court in order to present the evidence in the most unambiguous way. They aren’t supposed to be flowing prose ( even if acts of creative writing…) like witness statements taken from anyone they are supposed to use the language and vocabulary used by the person who’s evidence they are. A cop who didn’t know the difference between off side and near side would be particularly thick.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

Big cats are lazy bastards. If the animal was leaping about exuberantly they’d probably have assumed it was a furry on party drugs and sent a PCSO.

I suppose a couple of black kids in Southampton weren't hassled with racist stop and searches that day, so there is an upside to the story.

 

[Silas Loom]

( drivers and passenger side being good for probably about 95% of cars, 70% of HGVs and 0% of motorbikes).

Good point, well made.

 

[A380]

Also, I’d wildly guess, the other reason a scutter would use the terms offside and near side is, supposedly, that during a vehicle follow ( overt or covert) or pursuit the terms ‘Left’ and ‘Right’ are only ever used to describe vehicles turning at junctions. As, apparently, you want to be absolutely sure there is no ambiguity on the radio about what the subject vehicle is doing.

So old bill would say things over the air like ‘ subject vehicle passing a primary school on the offside at seven zero miles an hour. Or ‘I have just passed the Hight Street McDonald’s on the near side’ saving ‘left’ and ‘right’ or, perhaps, ‘ left left left or ‘right right right’ for describing where the subject vehicle has gone i’e’ “Right right right onto Accacia Avenue’.

Apparently.

 

[TopCat]

Not knowing doesn't make you thick. Using needlessly obscure conversation in a rigid manner, then having to explain what you mean to your audience / interlocutors / interverwees when there are perfectly useable every day phrases is a bit dense though. Where else do you even hear alighting from a vehicle. Everyone just gets out of the car.

If a driver does not know near side and off side they should not be driving

 

[Elpenor]

What about motorbikes with sidecars?

 

[Silas Loom]

What about motorbikes with sidecars?

Offside sidecars or nearside sidecars?

 

[Santino]

If you park on the right side of the road so the kerb is by the driver's side, which side is the nearside?

 

[A380]

What about motorbikes with sidecars?

Having a motorcycle with sidecar not properly attached, supposedly, appears as one of the offences police can give a non-endorseable fixed penalty notice for.

Apparently some coppers had a career aspiration to give one out, but retired with that unfulfilled .

 

[A380]

If you park on the right side of the road so the kerb is by the driver's side, which side is the nearside?

That’s the where the right side is the wrong side . But the nearside is still the port side.

 

[Pickman's model]

That’s the where the right side is the wrong side . But the nearside is still the port side.

as it's always passed to the left i suppose

 

[A380]

as it's always passed to the left i suppose

Only if it’s red

 

[tim]

Not knowing doesn't make you thick. Using needlessly obscure conversation in a rigid manner, then having to explain what you mean to your audience / interlocutors / interverwees when there are perfectly useable every day phrases is a bit dense though. Where else do you even hear alighting from a vehicle. Everyone just gets out of the car.

One alights from the tube and the DLR.

 

[Elpenor]

One alights from the tube and the DLR.

Yes it’s the term used to describe pax movements isn’t it.

 

[WouldBe]

Statements made by the old bill probably would refer to near side and off side, because they are the most accurate way of describing the sides of a vehicle ( drivers and passenger side being good for probably about 95% of cars, 70% of HGVs and 0% of motorbikes).

Kerb side and road side would be a sensible option.

 

[xenon]

Not that I listened to loads of interviews or anything but the PEACE model calls for both rapport building and also ensuring understanding.

Statements made by the old bill probably would refer to near side and off side, because they are the most accurate way of describing the sides of a vehicle ( drivers and passenger side being good for probably about 95% of cars, 70% of HGVs and 0% of motorbikes). Likewise most rozzers’ statements would probably start by describing all the vehicles involved in full ( a marked police van, an unmarked police car, a Vauxhall Astra hatch back car car) and then number them off as say Vehicle 1 to whatever then refer to them like that for the rest of the statement.

So in an interview the interviewer should use terms understood by the subject of the interview. You might, I imagine, hear. So the officer said she saw you get out of the ‘near side front door, that’s the front passenger door, ‘ probably.

Police statements are documents designed to be presented to a court in order to present the evidence in the most unambiguous way. They aren’t supposed to be flowing prose ( even if acts of creative writing…) like witness statements taken from anyone they are supposed to use the language and vocabulary used by the person who’s evidence they are. A cop who didn’t know the difference between off side and near side would be particularly thick.

I got out the rear passenger door and went into Tesco.
Vs
I alighted from the vehicle on the rear near hand side and proceeded to enter the supermarket premise.
Also when the car is in a car park or facing oncoming traffic, what then for your offside, nearside Paradine.

 

[danny la rouge]

(drivers and passenger side being good for probably about 95% of cars, 70% of HGVs and 0% of motorbikes).

Just proves motorbikes are ridiculous.

 

[InArduisFouette]

I feel like 'left' and 'right' serves the exact same purpose without the need for ambiguous specialist terminology.

hence the reason in regards to boats, ships and aircraft we refer to port and starboard and in the performing arts world reference is made to stage left and stage right ( or Prompt and Opposite Prompt , which is great until you get a house with Bastard Prompt)

while clinically we refer to left and right sides , dorsal / palmar or ventral and medial / lateral anchor the description of the sides of a structure regardless of the orietnation, movement and articulation of the rest of the body

 

[Silas Loom]

hence the reason in regards to boats, ships and aircraft we refer to port and starboard and in the performing arts world reference is made to stage left and stage right ( or Prompt and Opposite Prompt , which is great until you get a house with Bastard Prompt)

while clinically we refer to left and right sides , dorsal / palmar or ventral and medial / lateral anchpor the description of the sides of a structure regardless of the orietnation, movement and articulation of the rest of the body

If cops talked about the sinister side of a vehicle we would be more inclined to indulge them.

 

[belboid]

hence the reason in regards to boats, ships and aircraft we refer to port and starboard and in the performing arts world reference is made to stage left and stage right ( or Prompt and Opposite Prompt , which is great until you get a house with Bastard Prompt)

while clinically we refer to left and right sides , dorsal / palmar or ventral and medial / lateral anchpor the description of the sides of a structure regardless of the orietnation, movement and articulation of the rest of the body

bastard prompt is usually just opposite prompt, isn't it?

 

[belboid]

If cops talked about the sinister side of a vehicle we would be more inclined to indulge them.

they say that to refer to which side the black dude is sitting

 

[InArduisFouette]

bastard prompt is usually just opposite prompt, isn't it?

bastard prompt is where the sides of the backstage arrangement are swapped , as it's where the DSM's desk is and when cans were wired where the DSM's cans were connected into the system

Prompt corner - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org