Filth by name; thick by nature. A thread for banal police stupidity

[TopCat]

Offside sidecars or nearside sidecars?

Always and only near side

 

[Silas Loom]

Always and only near side

Unless registered before 1981. Or you are a furriner.

Right Hand Sidecars in the UK

Registration and riding of Motorcycles fitted with the sidecar to the right of the motorcycle. We often get asked if it is OK to rid...

f2mcltd.blogspot.com

 

[TopCat]

Unless registered before 1981. Or you are a furriner.

Right Hand Sidecars in the UK

Registration and riding of Motorcycles fitted with the sidecar to the right of the motorcycle. We often get asked if it is OK to rid...

f2mcltd.blogspot.com

If there is a CZ Combo with sidecar on the right just shoot it.

 

[Silas Loom]

Do sidecars have lights? If not, I agree that it would be insanely dangerous to fit them on the starboard.

 

[TopCat]

A fellow dispatcher in the 90’s got an outfit and drove it with passenger into a bike size gap in the Embankment.

 

[TopCat]

Do sidecars have lights? If not, I agree that it would be insanely dangerous to fit them on the starboard.

Red reflectors and red lights.

 

[Silas Loom]

Red reflectors and red lights.

Not ideal for oncoming traffic.

 

[Magnus McGinty]

My mam looked somewhat flummoxed when we were at a Greggs the other day and some cops walked in and I said they'd be buying doughnuts.
Then come to think of it, I only know the reference from here!

 

[A380]

My mam looked somewhat flummoxed when we were at a Greggs the other day and some cops walked in and I said they'd be buying doughnuts.
Then come to think of it, I only know the reference from here!

It’s an Americanism isn’t it? UK cops much more likely to be buying kebabs.

 

[Elpenor]

Chief Wiggum innit

 

[ouirdeaux]

I saw a copper coming out of Greggs today, and neglected to observe whether he had gone for sweet or savoury. I feel ashamed.

 

[wemakeyousoundb]

If you park on the right side of the road so the kerb is by the driver's side, which side is the nearside?

the nearside is where the kerb is nearest when you drive on the correct side of the road, you can park any side you want though.

 

[TopCat]

Not ideal for oncoming traffic.

Up the white line

 

[Epona]

If a driver does not know near side and off side they should not be driving

TBF, I don't drive and I know what nearside and offside are.
Because I grew up rural and used to ride horses. (Nearside is the side you mount from, in a right-handed world where you keep your right hand free for your sword when mounting - it's cavalry terminology).
It's kind of archaic/class-based language in a way.
(I mean not everyone who rides is posh, I certainly am not, but it smacks a bit of the hunting set)

 

[scifisam]

I suppose a couple of black kids in Southampton weren't hassled with racist stop and searches that day, so there is an upside to the story.

Is the upside at the front of the car or the back, though?

Offside and nearside being in the highway code assumes the person being questioned is a qualified driver. Doesn't apply to a lot of passengers and probably a fair few drivers. Imagine a totally innocent driver who'd been hit by another car on the way back from the football being asked if he was offside.

The cop in the OP - maybe that could be used for harsher treatment for cops who actually do terrible things. "Chief Constable, I understand that you don't want to take any action after this regrettable incident where your officer spat on a homeless person and burned all their belongings, and sent a video to their mates of it, even though it has been found that he also beat up another suspect and planted evidence, but I present you a precedent where someone in the same role got demoted for selling one pair of unlabelled police pants."

 

[emanymton]

hence the reason in regards to boats, ships and aircraft we refer to port and starboard and in the performing arts world reference is made to stage left and stage right ( or Prompt and Opposite Prompt , which is great until you get a house with Bastard Prompt)

while clinically we refer to left and right sides , dorsal / palmar or ventral and medial / lateral anchor the description of the sides of a structure regardless of the orietnation, movement and articulation of the rest of the body

Seems useful to me to have defined terms that don't depend an which way you are facing. Stage left is easier than left if you are facing the audience.

 

[Orang Utan]

i would have thought most people would say driver- and passenger-side

 

[Pickman's model]

An excellent outbreak of utterly useless pedantry. There's a couple of people I'm surprised to see have concealed their pedantry under a bushel. Until now.

 

[A380]

An excellent outbreak of utterly useless pedantry. There's a couple of people I'm surprised to see have concealed their pedantry under a bushel. Until now.

Have you written to them offering them membership of the UPA?

 

[quiet guy]

An excellent outbreak of utterly useless pedantry. There's a couple of people I'm surprised to see have concealed their pedantry under a bushel. Until now.

Just needed to find the right trigger point

 

[Pickman's model]

Have you written to them offering them membership of the UPA?

No, I'm not associated with upa

 

[A380]

No, I'm not associated with upa

Is that because they were too slapdash for you?

 

[Pickman's model]

Is that because they were too slapdash for you?

No, it's because they don't exist

 

[danny la rouge]

Did no one read the fucking Highway Code when learning to drive?

Oh, like when you learned to drive?

 

[DaveCinzano]

The greatest trick the UPA ever pulled was to convince the world it didn't exist

 

[danny la rouge]

TBF, I don't drive and I know what nearside and offside are.
Because I grew up rural and used to ride horses. (Nearside is the side you mount from, in a right-handed world where you keep your right hand free for your sword when mounting - it's cavalry terminology).
It's kind of archaic/class-based language in a way.
(I mean not everyone who rides is posh, I certainly am not, but it smacks a bit of the hunting set)

I’m trying to imagine how you get on a horse while keeping your right hand free for sword fighting, and it’s making me think you’d approach the horse’s right hand side. (Which may be wrong, I’m not at all equestrian). But that would be what someone confidently stated was the “offside” earlier in the thread, and now I’m even more confused.

 

[Serge Forward]

Oh, like when you learned to drive?

Yep, in 1980. We knew our nearsides from our offsides back then. The piano player in a band I was in gave me my first few "driving lessons" in his car before I started paying a proper driving instructor. Funnily enough, a few years later the bandmate joined the filth so I told him he no longer existed in my life. It was a bit sad really as he was always a nice lad (before joining dibble and turning up in our pit village to help break the strike). He was shit hot on the ivories as well.

 

[danny la rouge]

Yep, in 1980. We knew our nearsides from our offsides back then. The piano player in a band I was in gave me my first few "driving lessons" in his car before I started paying a proper driving instructor. Funnily enough, a few years later the bandmate joined the filth so I told him he no longer existed in my life. It was a bit sad really as he was always a nice lad (before joining dibble and turning up in our pit village to help break the strike). He was shit hot on the ivories as well.

Well I learned not much later. I think I passed my test in 1983. Nobody told me about nearsides and offsides. It sounds American.

 

[Serge Forward]

Well I learned not much later. I think I passed my test in 1983. Nobody told me about nearsides and offsides. It sounds American.

I think it's motor trade lingo. I suspect I picked it up from a car mechanic mate who was always helping me patch up my car.

 

[danny la rouge]

I think it's motor trade lingo. I suspect I picked it up from a car mechanic mate who was always helping me patch up my car.

Oh, well they make that up in order to fleece people.

I remember many years ago (30! ), when I first started visiting Staffordshire, I had a Metro that kept breaking down. A friend of my step father in law’s was a mechanic and had a look at it in the drive as a homer. He was chatting away to me and told me if he was me he’d do something or else (I forget what now) to “save the myther”. Thinking this was a term like “torque” or something, and not wanting to show ignorance, which might cost me money, I nipped inside to see if Bill or my partner’s grandad (a retired lorry driver) knew what it meant. They both laughed out loud. It means “the hassle”. Which I now know. But I never lived it down while they were both alive.