Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Cerv]

Well, that was a Kinder Surprise.

Pair caught with ketamine-filled Kinder eggs in their bums at Creamfields

"They had multiple opportunities to re-think what they were doing."

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk

She [PC Green] said: "Maddock and Hewitson were well aware of the law, and they have had multiple opportunities to re-think what they were doing. Amnesty bins were in place at entrance points of the site for prohibited items, but despite this, they continued in their efforts to smuggle in harmful and illegal drugs.

I do wonder though - if someone did drop trousers and squat by the amnesty bin to get their kinder surprise out, would that not cause a bit of a scene? Would security really not ask them to leave?

 

[existentialist]

And, the 'International Bonehead of the Day' award goes to -

Disqualified Darlington driver caught driving home from court

Steven Luck, from Darlington, says he did not know the ban started straight away.

www.bbc.co.uk

What a twat!

There's a lot of people out there who seem to operate on the basis that the normal rules don't apply to them...or that they'll never get caught. And are then shocked and surprised when they are.

I'd imagine it's probably a part of normal police procedure to keep an eye on who's driving home after a court date.

 

[pseudonarcissus]

this is a nice story. Askam Pier has been saved for the nation!



as a kid, a walk out on the pier was the highlight of a visit to Aunt Mona.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

"More than 100 raccoons swarm house of woman who’d been feeding them and trap her inside"

More than 100 raccoons swarm house of woman who’d been feeding them and trap her inside

The woman, who has not been named, near Poulsbo, Washington, called the county sheriff, who sent deputies

www.theguardian.com

 

[Indeliblelink]

Shopper's horror finding 'urine' in plastic pot on shelves at Poundland

A shopper has told of his horror at finding a plastic pot with what he thinks was urine in it on the shelves of a discount store.

www.theargus.co.uk

 

[Bus Honeygun]

Good pointing.

Police called to old people's home after row about vase of flowers

Officers were called in after residents fell out over the decoration

www.devonlive.com

 

[two sheds]

artificial flowers in communal area "were a fire risk"

 

[Septimus Rufiji]

some proper remembrancing going on from Thomas there

 

[Bus Honeygun]

some proper remembrancing going on from Thomas there

Yeah, probably not his first row about artificial flowers of some kind.

 

[T & P]

Speeding Cookie Monster caught on camera as police seek Sesame Street fan

A driver in Dortmund, Germany, was snapped by a traffic camera speeding down a highway while wearing a Cookie Monster costume. The police are now on the hunt for the Sesame Street lover

www.dailystar.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[krtek a houby]

View attachment 446449

Vat's entertainment

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[existentialist]

It's the BBC, but the headline has a distinctly local newspaper feel to it.

St Clears service station named best forecourt in the UK

A garage in Carmarthenshire has won the Forecourt Trader of the Year Award 2024.

www.bbc.co.uk

It also happens to be my nearest petrol station, at a mere 4 miles away.

 

[Rebecca Riot]

It's the BBC, but the headline has a distinctly local newspaper feel to it.

St Clears service station named best forecourt in the UK

A garage in Carmarthenshire has won the Forecourt Trader of the Year Award 2024.

www.bbc.co.uk

It also happens to be my nearest petrol station, at a mere 4 miles away.

It will probably be front page news in the Carmarthen Journal on Wednesday!

 

[existentialist]

It will probably be front page news in the Carmarthen Journal on Wednesday!

If you ever get to SEE the front page behind all the popups offering dating for seniors, fat-burning supplements and dropshipping outfits!

 

[cupid_stunt]

One just down the road from me...

One man's campaign against his 'anti-fun' city

He wants to make residents smile and laugh against the city's "overregulation and lack of fun".

www.bbc.co.uk

One man has launched a campaign in a bid to change what he calls the "fun deficit" in his city.

Calling himself the Chichester Anti-Recreation Partnership (Carp), he has put up spoof signs around central Chichester to make people laugh, but also highlight issues impacting the community.

Carp, who lives and works locally and does not want to be identified, told the BBC he wanted to satirise the city's "overregulation and lack of fun" after he noticed that warning or prohibited signs were "everywhere".

Carp said he also wanted to "raise awareness "about wider problems affecting the community, such as "the sewage crisis, poor state of roads and uneven pavements".

"Humour has this unique ability to disarm people - it lowers their defences and allows them to consider issues from a fresh perspective," he said.

"It reframes problems in a way that’s more approachable and less confrontational, which makes it easier to get your message across and spark discussions."

I bet people find them amusing, well except the council, of course.

Carp said his message was "gaining momentum quickly" - with some images going viral on TikTok - though he added the council was quick to take the signs down.

 

[cupid_stunt]

^ That story was featured on my BBC regional news tonight.

 

[cupid_stunt]

^ That story was featured on my BBC regional news tonight.

I am only just now watching the report, other signs that amused me -

Over looking the railway, 'CAUNTION TRAINS, Trainspotting Discouraged,'

Over looking a dried-up stream, 'Water Removed For Dry Cleaning - brought to you by Southern Water.'

And, this corker -

At a park, 'Grass not for Recreational Use. Medicinal Use Only.'

 

[Wookey]

The rather chilling story of the octogenarian steel conker cheat of Northamptonshire has gone national.



Cheating alleged after men’s world conker champion found with steel chestnut

It's actually quite sweet, the guy's been competing without winning since 1977, and this year he decides to nobble the competition by being chief stringer for the other contestants (yes, chief stringer, who even knew?) and also use a steel fucking conker. Allegedly.

This is in the cheese-rolling-leg-break, horse fair drowning, largest-ever-Morris-dance category of local news, it's actually bigger than local. It has national ramifications.

Thank God the Guardian have spotted it, before it spreads.

 

[Orang Utan]

For a second, I genuinely thought that was existentialist dressed for one of his gigs or plays.

 

[Orang Utan]

We’ve had both marbles and conkers mentioned on here in one day. What next to revive? Tiddlywinks?

 

[Wookey]

We’ve had both marbles and conkers mentioned on here in one day. What next to revive? Tiddlywinks?

Cereal box domino rally in the Bury Times. What else?

WATCH: Cheers on school playground for huge cereal box 'domino rally'

School pupils and staff have been getting into the spirit of things ahead of the Easter break in aid of Ramsbottom Pantry.

www.burytimes.co.uk

 

[seeformiles]

The rather chilling story of the octogenarian steel conker cheat of Northamptonshire has gone national.

View attachment 447010

Cheating alleged after men’s world conker champion found with steel chestnut

It's actually quite sweet, the guy's been competing without winning since 1977, and this year he decides to nobble the competition by being chief stringer for the other contestants (yes, chief stringer, who even knew?) and also use a steel fucking conker. Allegedly.

This is in the cheese-rolling-leg-break, horse fair drowning, largest-ever-Morris-dance category of local news, it's actually bigger than local. It has national ramifications.

Thank God the Guardian have spotted it, before it spreads.

Anyone who confers a royal title upon themselves is to be regarded with suspicion for starters. Add to that his alleged string marking of larger conkers his possible steel conker shenanigans and love of real ale and the case for the prosecution looks pretty solid. Innocent until proven guilty of course but just saying…

 

[hash tag]

Good pointing.

Police called to old people's home after row about vase of flowers

Officers were called in after residents fell out over the decoration

www.devonlive.com

Where are they now...Ian Hunter ex Mott The Hoople.

 

[Serge Forward]

Where are they now...Ian Hunter ex Mott The Hoople.

Nah, no sunglasses.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

If he’s in two towns I guess it’s already too late for the poor sod.

 

[Puddy_Tat]

not local, but

Blaze destroys multimillion-euro German fire station that had no alarms

A state-of-the-art fire station in western Germany that was completed last year at a cost of tens of millions of euros has burned to the ground because it had not been equipped with a fire alarm.

what's the german for 'oops' ?

 

[cupid_stunt]

what's the german for 'oops' ?

Hoppla.