I know darlingit's so incredibly draggy and tiresome. But responding to it just gives them our attention, which is really what they're after. And it just really effectively derails the thread.
YES polly. Fucking killing it. And I’m so sorry to hear you were set on fire for not accepting a man’s advances. JFCIt was ok - I was furious af, put the fire out quickly and chased him and his friends out of the club, shrieking like a banshee, followed by some bouncersBut even though it was a bit of a shock, it just seemed to be pretty standard behaviour. Which is the point really - on the whole I've been very lucky in my transactions with men: never been raped, rarely been sexually assaulted, got a good partner, turned invisible before dick pics and online sexual harassment became a thing. But I'd largely forgotten about being set alight because it was just one nasty event among so, so many.
It really boils my piss to see men equating this constant state of vigilance towards men's feelings, especially as very young women or even girls (actually roughly 12-16 is when you get the most unwanted male attention ime), with the negotiating that we all do (some to a greater extent than others, granted) in our relationships. It's not just the added risk of physical harm. It's that it is fucking constant, from everywhere, all the time, from the outwardly benign to the obviously threatening. It's even the fact that men feel entitled to your time when you're trying to get somewhere - when I was good mates with someone blonde and big breasted who liked to dress skimpily, it would take us forever to get from A to B, because we'd have to give numerous men the fucking time of day. And we would have to 'man whisper', because a straight up 'go away' would lead to such drama that it would take up even more of your time.
Tbh all these feminism threads just make me too angry and depressed to deal, and I take my hat off to all you women and men making brilliant and eloquent posts in the face of whataboutery, distraction techniques and just crap from posters who should know - and do - better.
. My fucking god tho the lessons you learn to appease men who you turn down. Men in bars or clubs, men on dates, even in the online dating world. How quickly shit turns on a dime from compliments and looks, to sneering, insults or even threats if you turn them down. Fuck those men. Fuck their power.
)
And at the same time the expectation that women shouldn't expect safety late at night, that women shouldn't expect their boundaries and wishes to be respected. It's women's responsibility not to go out at night, it's women's responsibility to learn how to 'manage' unwelcome men.
Most men don’t deny shit, they just don’t understand it, think it doesn’t apply to them, or secretly think it’s unfair. The evidence is on this thread.
To be fair..this is just a lot of winded way of saying 'not all men' isn't it? Yes we know. You needed to make sure though, because you doubt us.
BAME people talking about their experiences of racism make some White people feel uncomfortable, exactly the same thing is happening here. Some men are feeling uncomfortable with this conversation. 
if that is an old adage, it's one I havent heard before. It has a ring of truth about it, and I thought it worth repeating.
That is shocking. More shocking that it was just one event 'amongst so many'.It was ok - I was furious af, put the fire out quickly and chased him and his friends out of the club, shrieking like a banshee, followed by some bouncers
It really boils my piss to see men equating this constant state of vigilance towards men's feelings, especially as very young women or even girls (actually roughly 12-16 is when you get the most unwanted male attention ime), with the negotiating that we all do (some to a greater extent than others, granted) in our relationships. It's not just the added risk of physical harm. It's that it is fucking constant, from everywhere, all the time, from the outwardly benign to the obviously threatening. It's even the fact that men feel entitled to your time when you're trying to get somewhere - when I was good mates with someone blonde and big breasted who liked to dress skimpily, it would take us forever to get from A to B, because we'd have to give numerous men the fucking time of day. And we would have to 'man whisper', because a straight up 'go away' would lead to such drama that it would take up even more of your time.
Tbh all these feminism threads just make me too angry and depressed to deal, and I take my hat off to all you women and men making brilliant and eloquent posts in the face of whataboutery, distraction techniques and just crap from posters who should know - and do - better.
Istr it’s an observation by Margaret Atwood.
Yes! I couldn't remember where I'd heard it. And I misquoted
Sorry Margaret Attwood. You deserve better.
IME when this happens (as it does), it isn't because people don't believe you. They generally know he's a creep, so it's already priced in. It's because it's easier to exclude the person making the fuss, than to get involved in the fuss yourself.
