Are you utterly self-absorbed? Has your humdrum priviliged upper-middle-class upbringing prevented you from developing any meaningful sense of identity beyond commodities? Is pretending to be working class not working out for you? Do you have a really shit or non-existant personality and need to compensate? Then worry not, all your problems can be solved, with a twat hat:
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For just £500 (or 10% of whatever's left in your trust fund) you too can be the talk of the scene, and hide the fact you're a shallow empty vapid husk of middle-class ennui and narcissism! Make cheques out to "Delroy Booth" - the first 50 orders get the book "how to grow a beard" (retail £75) by esteemed hipster beardologist Delroy Booth for free!