Some people wear Mao shirts. Mao wears Bob Avakian shirts.
Bob Avakian is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Bob Avakian can slam a revolving door.
Bob Avakian destroyed the periodic table, because Bob Avakian only recognizes the element of surprise.
Bob Avakian can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Bob Avakian will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Bob Avakian can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Bob Avakian can divide by zero
Bob Avakian can touch MC Hammer
Bob Avakian once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Bob Avakian counted to infinity - twice.
Bob Avakian doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Bob Avakian ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Bob Avakian played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Bob Avakian knows the last digit of pi.
They once made a Bob Avakian toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Bob Avakian allows to live.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Bob Avakian.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
If you spell Bob Avakian in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Bob Avakian sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Bob Avakian can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Bob Avakian could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Google won't search for Bob Avakian because it knows you don't find Bob Avakian, he finds you.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Bob Avakian.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Bob Avakian.
It takes Bob Avakian 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Bob Avakian once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Bob Avakian has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Bob Avakian doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Bob Avakian does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Bob Avakian is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Bob Avakian.
Bob Avakian never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Bob Avakian invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of visible light.
Bob Avakian uses a night light. Not because Bob Avakian is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Bob Avakian.
Bob Avakian' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
Bob Avakian does not sleep. He waits.
Bob Avakian CAN believe it's not butter.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Bob Avakian.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Bob Avakian has allowed to live.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Bob Avakian is on.
When Bob Avakian plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Bob Avakian once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Bob Avakian played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded AK-47 and won.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Bob Avakian were cloned, then it would be possible for a Bob Avakian roundhouse kick to meet another Bob Avakian roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
What was going through the minds of all of Bob Avakian' victims before they died? His shoe.
Bob Avakian once shot down an Imperialist fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Bob Avakian.
When Bob Avakian wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Bob Avakian was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
==Updates==
When Bob Avakian wrangles with something, he epistemologicaly breaks it.
Cigarettes kills - but Bob Avakian will get you first, anyway!
Bob Avakian warns you about the Surgeon General
Bob Avakian wasn't in Europe to hide from the FBI- the FBI were in the United States to hide from Bob Avakian
When Bob Avakian flaps with his cap in Paris, he sets off a tsunami in the Caribbean.
Bob Avakian invented Pringles -- he told a bag of chips to get in the can and make room for everyone!!
Bob Avakian's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never indulged in the bourgeois sentimentality known as "crying."
God doesn't exist. He did, but Bob Avakian killed him.
Bob Avakian needs no glasses. The world adjusts to his gaze.
Bob Avakian knows how to stop the BP oil spill, but won't tell anyone until he repolarizes the Gulf Coast.
Bob Avakian holds up half the sky. the other half stays up by itself cause it doesn't wanna get Avakian pissed off.
Bob Avakian declared "Away with all gods!" and so they all went away.
After meeting Bob Avakian, The Most Interesting Man in the World changed his moniker to The Second Most Interesting Man in the World.
Further update:Bob Avakian doesn't leave quotes: he leaves footprints and the earth turns them into hymns for the world to treasure. Further Further update: Bob Avakian jokes do not get old, they make epistemological leaps to counteract entropy.
