PM Boris Johnson - monster thread for a monster twat

[ViolentPanda]

His russian friend can join him for skiing in South Georgia

I say skiing but what I really mean is being thrown off a mountain

Have the pair of them build a tower on the peak, on the pretence that they're going to be allowed to live there, then defenestrate the pair of dick-drips.

 

[ViolentPanda]

Well we all know what a ballshitter Boris is. I can well see him saying "I'm having my end away" and no other detail. Bet he's just sorting out some other income to bolster his pm salary.

Fixed that for you.

 

[ViolentPanda]

perhaps he's had enough and is trying to emigrate

Come Jan 1st, he'll have made that more difficult for himself, the fuckwit.

 

[ViolentPanda]

It's really hard for me to be even slightly objective about this cunt. It's visceral with me. He encapsulates every pig-headed, rugger bugger public school bluffer that plagued my schooldays. I get particularly triggered by his obvious nostalgia for empire, that empty self-confidence of racial and national superiority.

Wanker. Cunty-cunt wanker shit-headed Latin-quipping arsehole.

He has also perpetrated the biggest pile of self-serving bullshit on the British people of any politician I can think of, and that's against some exemplary competition from both parties.

Can't we do a deal and swap him for Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe? Evin prison would be a doddle for him, I'm sure.

(sorry, shit work day, thought this might be therapeutic. Don't think it has been)

Probably less sodomy in an Iranian prison, than at Eton.

 

[ViolentPanda]

Christ, we're fucked, aren't we?

Like a new boy at Eton.

 

[ViolentPanda]

Or drying out.

It was the old "off to a Swiss clinic to have some liver stem cells injected" treatment.

 

[dessiato]

I was reading elsewhere that his girlfriend has left him, because he's shagging a female violinist. I can't find a reliable source to back this up.

What say you?

 

[Artaxerxes]

I was reading elsewhere that his girlfriend has left him, because he's shagging a female violinist. I can't find a reliable source to back this up.

What say you?

The rumours are numerous and varied but currently unofficial due to various injunctions I believe.

 

[Streathamite]

I was reading elsewhere that his girlfriend has left him, because he's shagging a female violinist. I can't find a reliable source to back this up.

What say you?

Unlikely. She'll be a single mum, without any other notable source of income, trying to screw alimony out of someone with massively shitty previous in that regard, and the entire Tory establishment gunning for her.
Tories tend to know which side their bread's buttered

 

[editor]

Over 200 complaints

Matt Lucas’s Boris Johnson impression on Bake Off draws more than 200 complaints

Sketch saw Lucas wear a blond wig and bumbling his way through a baking-themed press conference

www.independent.co.uk

 

[two sheds]

woke culture snowflakes

 

[Streathamite]

Over 200 complaints

Matt Lucas’s Boris Johnson impression on Bake Off draws more than 200 complaints

Sketch saw Lucas wear a blond wig and bumbling his way through a baking-themed press conference

www.independent.co.uk

oh ffs

 

[dessiato]

 

[ruffneck23]

 

[two sheds]

Over 200 complaints

Matt Lucas’s Boris Johnson impression on Bake Off draws more than 200 complaints

Sketch saw Lucas wear a blond wig and bumbling his way through a baking-themed press conference

www.independent.co.uk

I liked "Stay alert, protect cake, save loaves” was written on the podium."

 

[dessiato]

How accurate the first part is the second remains true

 

[two sheds]

looked and figures range from 7000 to 16000 but they're from daily mirror/mail/sun so i'm not looking at the actual articles. I can well believe it though. Home fit for heroes.

 

[MrSki]

Unlikely. She'll be a single mum, without any other notable source of income, trying to screw alimony out of someone with massively shitty previous in that regard, and the entire Tory establishment gunning for her.
Tories tend to know which side their bread's buttered

She is on holiday at a £600 a night hotel in lake Como with Wilfred & a few mates.

ETA

Deleted tweet with link to mail.

 

[two sheds]

but but but ... where's the money for the nanny we heard he couldn't afford?

 

[Pickman's model]

Unlikely. She'll be a single mum, without any other notable source of income, trying to screw alimony out of someone with massively shitty previous in that regard, and the entire Tory establishment gunning for her.
Tories tend to know which side their bread's buttered

Alimony for divorced women in the us
If cs wants money from bj for child maintenance all she has to do is approach the child maintenance service & if needs be the money can be deducted from his salary

 

[Streathamite]

Alimony for divorced women in the us
If cs wants money from bj for child maintenance all she has to do is approach the child maintenance service & if needs be the money can be deducted from his salary

I would seriously love to see that one played out, especially in the courts.

 

[Streathamite]

I would seriously love to see that one played out, especially in the courts.

e2a: I don't know what the situation is now, but my parents divorced when I was 2, and they had the mother and father of all legal battles in the courts over maintenance as well as custody

 

[Pickman's model]

I would seriously love to see that one played out, especially in the courts.

As he's a high earner it may yet end there, tho doubtless behind a superinjunction like the one preventing us knowing he has eleven children by a range of unfortunate women

 

[Streathamite]

She is on holiday at a £600 a night hotel in lake Como with Wilfred & a few mates.

ETA

Deleted tweet with link to mail.

No surprise there.All the more reason she'll stay firmly on the gravy train

 

[Mogden]

Popbitch today tells quite the tale of his Italian visits. I don't think that's been as successfully swept under the carpet as he hoped!

 

[killer b]

Popbitch today tells quite the tale of his Italian visits. I don't think that's been as successfully swept under the carpet as he hoped!

what's the point in this kind of coyness? What do they say?

 

[two sheds]

I would seriously love to see that one played out, especially in the courts.

Do they form queues when there are over half a dozen kids to support?

 

[belboid]

what's the point in this kind of coyness? What do they say?

A history with Perugia

It’s been fun watching No.10 try to convince the British public that Boris Johnson couldn’t possibly have taken a mini-break to Perugia last weekend as he was, supposedly, in church. But the strangest bit to us is the suggestion that staff at Perugia airport would fail to correctly identify Boris Johnson. It’s not as if he hasn’t made spectacle of himself there before.
As was widely reported last year, Boris tried to take a discreet trip to Perugia back in 2018, slipping loose from his security in order to attend one of Evgeny Lebedev’s parties. We might never have known the details had Boris not caught the eye of fellow passengers by turning up to the airport absolutely hanging out of his arse, looking like he’d slept in his clothes and unable to walk in a straight line to the plane.
But his appearances there stretch back further. We first wrote in October 2015 about a Popbitch reader who found himself waiting to board a flight from Perugia to Stansted with Boris. In characteristically disheveled fashion, Boris seemed flustered by the parade of people wanting to take selfies with him there. But whether that’s because he was hungover, or because they were interrupting the farewell he’d been trying to give a young Italian woman, it’s impossible to know.

 

[killer b]

nothing much then

 

[MrSki]

More from Bristol.