Local Newspaper Headlines!

[cupid_stunt]

View attachment 113846

That is classic, in Royal Fucking Tunbridge Wells.

Residents of Tunbridge Wells – known for writing outraged letters to the editor – really do have something to be upset about this weekend: a sex festival.

Hundreds of people are expected to attend Flamefest, billed as a “kinky rave festival” that promises an outdoor S&M dungeon and “adult play area” staffed by dominatrices.

The event, being held in Brokes Wood on the outskirts of the Kent town, will also feature DJs, live music and entertainment, with tickets costing as much as £600.

The festival website says Flamefest was created to bring together “the purest, most hedonistic elements of the party scene, from kinksters to ravers”.

Outrage in Tunbridge Wells over sex festival in the woods

 

[hash tag]

The story that the nation is concerned about more than any other

Silencing Big Ben's bongs 'may threaten John Bercow's love life'

 

[DotCommunist]

The story that the nation is concerned about more than any other

Silencing Big Ben's bongs 'may threaten John Bercow's love life'

does he time his thrusts with the bongs or something, is that the only way the supercilious smug prick can get over the line these days?

 

[hash tag]

I doubt it, have you not seen Sally b?

It could be a Pavlov's dog type thing.

 

[Wilf]

The story that the nation is concerned about more than any other

Silencing Big Ben's bongs 'may threaten John Bercow's love life'

In my pursuit of this important story I have discovered that:

Big Ben will fall silent on Monday, with some "traditionalist" MPs vowing to stand in solemn vigil with their heads bowed as it chimes for the last time at noon.


Many have been critical of the decision and demanded a rethink after the decision was taken that the bongs would be too loud for construction workers renovating the historic building.

The Commons commission, which is chaired by Mr Bercow, last week said it would look again at the decision.

Fucking wankers, don't seem to give a fuck for the people actually doing the work. 'Traditionalists', FFS!

 

[Siouxsie]

It didn't do Quasimodo any harm!

What was that? speak up I can't hear you!

 

[Casual Observer]

From a few years back but...

 

[hash tag]

potentially very impressive

 

[cupid_stunt]

I got a big one, but I don't tend to use it as weapon.

 

[Casual Observer]

 

[cupid_stunt]

The penis didn't make eye contact?

 

[scifisam]

From a few years back but...

They missed a trick by not saying he beat them off

 

[petee]

GET.
OUT.

 

[T & P]

potentially very impressive

 

[Siouxsie]

Sorry to be a kill joy......
it's been shopped

A woman in Scottsdale, Arizona, has been arrested after she cut off her partner’s penis in a fit of fury. Shania Jones, 34, told detectives that she was sick of the man – who has been named locally as Bruce Fox – refusing to make eye contact with her during sex. Fox is currently in intensive care at Scottsdale Liberty Hospital, where he is expected to make a recovery.

The attack took place in Fox’s home last Thursday. According to the man, the pair were having sex, when all of a sudden, Jones got up, grabbed a kitchen knife, and sliced the tip of his penis off. Jones fled the scene as the man lay on the bed, bleeding profusely. Emergency services were called to the scene, and luckily for Fox they were able to stem the flow of blood before he lost consciousness.

 

[Badgers]

 

[Pickman's model]

Cromer Carnival apologise for Rolf Harris stunt

 

[Wilf]

View attachment 114230
Cromer Carnival apologise for Rolf Harris stunt

Cromer, so much to answer for.

 

[Siouxsie]

I blame the crabs.

 

[petee]

Sorry to be a kill joy......
it's been shopped

A woman in Scottsdale, Arizona, has been arrested after she cut off her partner’s penis in a fit of fury. Shania Jones, 34, told detectives that she was sick of the man – who has been named locally as Bruce Fox – refusing to make eye contact with her during sex. Fox is currently in intensive care at Scottsdale Liberty Hospital, where he is expected to make a recovery.

The attack took place in Fox’s home last Thursday. According to the man, the pair were having sex, when all of a sudden, Jones got up, grabbed a kitchen knife, and sliced the tip of his penis off. Jones fled the scene as the man lay on the bed, bleeding profusely. Emergency services were called to the scene, and luckily for Fox they were able to stem the flow of blood before he lost consciousness.

not even that, says snopes:
FALSE: Crazed Woman Cuts Off Man’s Penis for Not Making Eye Contact During Sex

 

[Mumbles274]

This lovely one from a year ago... Do i get bonus points for it being my mother!!!

 

[Corax]

Shock as nails protrude from crumbling bench in children's play area

Shocked I tell you - SHOCKED!!!

 

[neonwilderness]

It shouldn't do that! Margate grandma demands Tesco repaint her home after prune juice explosion

 

[Badgers]

 

[Libertad]

View attachment 114613

Peel lives!

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

Not the local paper, but seen in a local shop:

 

[Casual Observer]

 

[Artaxerxes]

I knew it would end badly.

 

[Ground Elder]

 

[petee]

First Amendment Protects Cinema's Right to Show Unicorn Masturbation Scene While Serving Alcohol, Says Judge

not local etc.