Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Ground Elder]

Former PM David Cameron could have been bodyboarding in raw sewage at Polzeath beach

This cheered me up no end

There's a huge risk David Cameron would have been exposed to anything from a small health risk such as skin, eye, ear, or throat infections to much more serious conditions such as E coli or hepatitis which can be present within raw sewage.

edited to add: There really hasn't been planning granted for a giant seagull over St Ives Badgers

 

[farmerbarleymow]

If true, this is a bit unfortunate. From Twitter so I don't have a link.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

This cheered me up no end

A shit, wallowing in shit.

 

[cupid_stunt]

If true, this is a bit unfortunate. From Twitter so I don't have a link.

View attachment 113306

Google search suggests it's true, but from 2012:
woman accidentally joins search party looking for herself snopes - Google Search

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Google search suggests it's true, but from 2012:
woman accidentally joins search party looking for herself snopes - Google Search

The question is whether the poor sods are still on that mountain, forlornly going round in circles trying to find the woman.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Well, I wasn't expecting that when I clicked on my local newspaper's website this evening...


Man sent to prison after having sex with a Labrador

 

[hash tag]

This was from BOGnor, where they have little all else to talk about. I guess it was about toilets as opposed to over them

 

[Casual Observer]

If true, this is a bit unfortunate. From Twitter so I don't have a link.

View attachment 113306

Reminds me of a John Peel Story. He was on a coach trip as a schoolboy and shat his pants. His classmates could smell the shit but couldn't work out where it came from. The boys then searched the coach looking for the source. Peel, not wanting to give the game away, keenly took part in the search.

 

[chemn]

'Super' fleas with giant penises set to invade Bristol homes as soggy August creates ideal conditions

 

[farmerbarleymow]

'Super' fleas with giant penises set to invade Bristol homes as soggy August creates ideal conditions

They are also 'sex-crazed' according to my local rag.

 

[DaveCinzano]

The one at the bottom's pretty good:

 

[Siouxsie]

They are also 'sex-crazed' according to my local rag.

Wilf better get the flea powder ready!

 

[Wilf]

Wilf better get the flea powder ready!

Look, when it comes to the sex people, I am but John the Baptist to Casually Red's very naughty boy.

 

[Wilf]

Well, I wasn't expecting that when I clicked on my local newspaper's website this evening...

View attachment 113339
Man sent to prison after having sex with a Labrador

Hook lived at his parent’s house following the collapses of a long term relationship. He rarely socialised, instead preferring to spend his time alone in his room where he snorted the drug Mephedrone, drank and shared vile images with an online community of paedophiles.... Hook had a friend film him being penetrated by the Labrador on a farm in Somerset.

THINGS SAID IN COURT THAT DON'T QUITE RING TRUE:

Robert Duval, defending, said Hook was of previous good character

 

[DaveCinzano]

THINGS SAID IN COURT THAT DON'T QUITE RING TRUE:

I totally believe everything Tom Hagen tells me

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

Radio caller suggests Carhenge too 'pagan' for Ricketts' eclipse viewing

 

[rekil]

Too big for the locals. Solidarity with this hero.

Engineer sacked after waking from nap and giving boss ‘the finger’

 

[neonwilderness]

Sweet-toothed porn thief sought by police

 

[Siouxsie]

Sweet-toothed porn thief sought by police

This comment made me laugh!
"He stands more chance of a conviction by the fashion police. Quite a catch if you have zero taste, no teeth and a penchant for Razzle"

 

[Casual Observer]

 

[JuanTwoThree]

"Hook had a friend film him being penetrated by the Labrador on a farm in Somerset"

I don't know much about bestiality (Sam Cook?) but for some reason in my mind's eye I'd imagine it the other way.

Please nobody explain the practicalities of this. First and foremost because I simply don't want to know. But also because it would raise questions about the proclivities of the poster who could explain how it's done, or at least about their fertile imagination.

 

[JuanTwoThree]

I've just seen my custom title!

 

[cupid_stunt]

"Hook had a friend film him being penetrated by the Labrador on a farm in Somerset"

I don't know much about bestiality (Sam Cook?) but for some reason in my mind's eye I'd imagine it the other way.

Please nobody explain the practicalities of this. First and foremost because I simply don't want to know. But also because it would raise questions about the proclivities of the poster who could explain how it's done, or at least about their fertile imagination.

Spoiler: Well, it's like this...

You had to click, didn't you?

 

[JuanTwoThree]

Oh, I clicked!

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Please nobody explain the practicalities of this. First and foremost because I simply don't want to know. But also because it would raise questions about the proclivities of the poster who could explain how it's done, or at least about their fertile imagination.

You could always google it as clearly you want to know.

 

[hash tag]

Sweet-toothed porn thief sought by police

Clearly wants to get his teeth into something

 

[Wilf]

"Hook had a friend film him being penetrated by the Labrador on a farm in Somerset"

I don't know much about bestiality (Sam Cook?) but for some reason in my mind's eye I'd imagine it the other way.

Please nobody explain the practicalities of this. First and foremost because I simply don't want to know. But also because it would raise questions about the proclivities of the poster who could explain how it's done, or at least about their fertile imagination.

"Well, in my experience..."

 

[Wilf]

"Hook had a friend film him being penetrated by the Labrador on a farm in Somerset"

I don't know much about bestiality (Sam Cook?) but for some reason in my mind's eye I'd imagine it the other way.

Please nobody explain the practicalities of this. First and foremost because I simply don't want to know. But also because it would raise questions about the proclivities of the poster who could explain how it's done, or at least about their fertile imagination.

Always love how they trot out the 'of previously good character' line in court. He was a dog shagging nonce, so I for one am not entirely convinced he led a blameless life up until that point.

 

[hash tag]

Got a problem? Need help? Your local off licence is here to help you. From the Sutton Guardian.

 

[Badgers]