Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Wilf]

That headline is so grammatically incorrect it is hurting my brain.

... actually, the rest of the story ain't that hot either. They seem to have declared war on the apostrophe.

 

[Siouxsie]

((( , )))

 

[Wilf]

The poor old ' - rejected by headline writers, kidnapped by grocers ... sorry, grocer's.

 

[Siouxsie]

We need to march!

 

[Benjamin F]

Naan bread shortage at Scunthorpe pub


Naan bread shortage at Scunthorpe pub

The horror! The horror.


Or Maybe Scunthorpe's intrepid newshound Nick Cole just wants to be listed here.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Or Maybe Scunthorpe's intrepid newshound Nick Cole just wants to be listed here.

It seems that Nick Cole is not some wet-behind-the-ears new intern, but actually a local reporter of some vintage - when the Telegraph went from daily to weekly in 2011 he was Father of the NUJ Chapel, which indicates some seniority. He's currently reaching out to former Telegraph employees in preparation for the title's 80th anniversary.

Scunthorpe Telegraph to hold 80th anniversary reunion - Journalism News from HoldtheFrontPage

 

[DaveCinzano]

Gardai hunting Dublin Bus w**ker after vile incident

(Actual incident significantly less amusing than headline)

 

[Orang Utan]

Canadian fisherman survives sexual assault by dozens of seals

 

[Wilf]

Dark turn for the thread. Much preferred it in the innocent days of

Dog walker tells of shock at 67 screws discovery


http://www.burtonmail.co.uk/News/Dog-walker-tells-of-shock-at-67-screws-discovery-06102011.htm

 

[Siouxsie]

I find the seals are far more attractive than the fisherman.

 

[Wilf]

I find the seals are far more attractive than the fisherman.

Look, I hadn't brushed my hair when they took that picture!

 

[Siouxsie]

Look, I hadn't brushed my hair when they took that picture!

I thought I spotted crusty eyes....poor seals, used for perverted sex acts

I didn't like to say but I thought it was Stanley

 

[Siouxsie]

If you are so "polite" just how on earth would you end up in a postion where someone would pee on your face

Lying face up on the bathroom floor

 

[neonwilderness]

Trout with cigarette in its mouth posted through shop's letterbox (yes, you read that correctly)

 

[hash tag]

Can you smoke trout?

 

[Casual Observer]

 

[Wilf]

So, if you shout out 'Roald' and you get the reply 'Dahl', the person is innocent - but if they holler back 'Amundson', you've got a wrong 'un?

 

[T & P]

Trout with cigarette in its mouth posted through shop's letterbox (yes, you read that correctly)

Is that some kind of British variation on the horse's-head-in-your-bed mafia warning?

 

[petee]

Is that some kind of British variation on the horse's-head-in-your-bed mafia warning?

the postie's gonna sleep with the fishes

 

[Wilf]

Is that some kind of British variation on the horse's-head-in-your-bed mafia warning?

More a case of when we are freed from the tyranny of Brussels, all animals will be allowed to smoke.

 

[neonwilderness]

the postie's gonna smoke with the fishes

FTFY

 

[Casual Observer]

So, if you shout out 'Roald' and you get the reply 'Dahl', the person is innocent - but if they holler back 'Amundson', you've got a wrong 'un?

'Marco Polo' is/was a game people used to play when they were of primary school age. One player closes their eyes while the other players hide. The closed eye player then locates one of the other players by shouting 'Marco' to which they have to reply 'Polo'. The closed eye player then locates one of the other players by tracing where the sound came from.

In this instance, had the policeman shouted 'Roald', the perpetrator would have kept quiet and increased his chances of a successful escape.

 

[Opera Buffa]

 

[Corax]

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[JuanTwoThree]

So the knicker nicking was rash. But stealing the bacon was rasher.

In my day any hack worth their salt could have done something with this.

 

[neonwilderness]

Priests asked to leave Cardiff pub because staff thought they were a stag do

 

[Badgers]

 

[Wilf]

I'm assuming this was someone in the public gallery as Mark Naylor would have otherwise said 'lawyer/witness/judge breaking wind cuts through sombre silence in Grimsby courtroom'. If so, how did he know it was a woman? Was it an all female public gallery? Even if the intrepid reporter was sat next to the lady who let rip, surely the strictures of court reporting meant it should have been phrased as 'woman allegedly breaking wind cuts through sombre silence...' ((((Broken Britain)))

 

[Wilf]

Anyway, if it had been someone in the court itself, I'd have gone with 'GRIMSBY COURT FARTER: do the billowing robes of the usher tell a tale?'