Local Newspaper Headlines!

[farmerbarleymow]

Not a headline, but I thought this intro from the Bangor Daily News was too good not to share:


Maine woman attacked by raccoon drowns rabid animal in puddle

Hope the raccoon wasn't experiencing hydrophobia, as being drowned would be an unfortunate experience.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Another NT classic:

Faeces tosser on the loose at Darwin residential building The Kube | NT News

 

[dessiato]

Homeless man arrested for having a 'sharp pencil' in Grimsby

Homeless man arrested near Grimsby mosque for carrying a sharp pencil.

He's already been inside for 75 days and is waiting sentencing.

 

[petee]

Canada police investigate theft of mummified human toe served in drinks

just read the whole thing.

Canada police investigate theft of mummified human toe served in drinks

 

[DaveCinzano]

Canada police investigate theft of mummified human toe served in drinks

just read the whole thing.

Canada police investigate theft of mummified human toe served in drinks

A toe, served in a drink, in Canada? One wonders about the particular vessel such a beverage might be poured into. Like, what's it, a boot?

 

[The39thStep]

 

[The39thStep]

'We don't want the Irish'

Man armed himself with knives and body armour for 'war' with Muslims

 

[Casual Observer]

 

[1927]

I know there is an unpleasant story behind this, only local man fined 666 for burning a Bible

Devon man who burned Bible in row over Christmas is fined £666

How is that racially aggravated assault?

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Not a local paper, but wtf?

 

[dessiato]

Not a local paper, but wtf?

View attachment 110310

That's going to be expensive.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Uranus Opens And Closes Every Day To Let Out Planet’s Solar Wind

International Business Times





PS The bit about “two new rings, with particles the size of a fist” was a nice additional touch

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[OzT]

Who wants to smoke that shit anyway . . . . lol!!

 

[chandlerp]

They're not fake cigarettes, they are real cigarettes purporting to be another brand. therefore, they are counterfeit, not fake.

 

[MrSki]

They're not fake cigarettes, they are real cigarettes purporting to be another brand. therefore, they are counterfeit, not fake.

A cigarette is supposed to contain tobacco so the human shit bit is certainly fake.

 

[fishfinger]

A cigarette is supposed to contain tobacco so the human shit bit is certainly fake.

The shit is fake!
The mould had better be real, or I'm asking for a refund

 

[Artaxerxes]

'It's absolutely disgraceful' - Residents hit out at grass verge mess left by Sheffield Council contractors

Sheffield residents have hit out at the mess left by council contractors cutting grass verges.

Harry Marshall, his partner Ann Hartley and neighbour Gaynor Elliot said waste grass cut from verges along their Basegreen homes is spewed out across the pavement and road each year.

 

[editor]

'It's absolutely disgraceful' - Residents hit out at grass verge mess left by Sheffield Council contractors

Here's the all important pic

 

[alan_]

'It's absolutely disgraceful' - Residents hit out at grass verge mess left by Sheffield Council contractors

After I pissed myself laughing at these three pointing twats, I found it terribly depressing. That they should find a few grass clippings worthy of all this time effort and hoo ha, never mind picking it up yourself. God forbid they ever have an actual real crisis to deal with. Also I hope some minimum wage seasonal zero hour worker didn't get a bollocking because of these three dull unimaginative insipid cunts.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Some days Bristol does not let you down

Three-year-old attacked by seagull eating rat in Castle Park

 

[DaveCinzano]

Here's the all important pic

View attachment 110346

 

[alan_]

After I pissed myself laughing at these three pointing twats, I found it terribly depressing. That they should find a few grass clippings worthy of all this time effort and hoo ha, never mind picking it up yourself. God forbid they ever have an actual real crisis to deal with. Also I hope some minimum wage seasonal zero hour worker didn't get a bollocking because of these three dull unimaginative insipid cunts.

After studying the picture a bit more its come to me that if you look closely you can see that slim sue shady in the middle is pure pulling his shoulder back so that it is grinding onto her crotch. You can further tell this by the way he is awkwardly kneeling. He has an erection forming under his slacks but daren't adjust himself while the camera is present. Those two are so at it. Not sure about Miss Blue ATM

 

[petee]

nice to see the NYT being sold there in the provinces.

 

[BCBlues]

After studying the picture a bit more its come to me that if you look closely you can see that slim sue shady in the middle is pure pulling his shoulder back so that it is grinding onto her crotch. You can further tell this by the way he is awkwardly kneeling. He has an erection forming under his slacks but daren't adjust himself while the camera is present. Those two are so at it. Not sure about Miss Blue ATM

He's gonna have a green patch on the knees of his chinos now. How's he gonna explain that to his missus...
"I've been playing football"