Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Libertad]

Mister Loverman.

 

[1927]

Lembit Opik to be dad at 52 with much younger girlfriend - despite impaling accident

I didn't mean it, it was an accident

Lembit Opik to become a dad despite fears impaling accident left him sterile

On the basis he has got 2 previous women pregnant how could he think he might be sterile?

 

[DaveCinzano]

Good bit of local rolling news:

Bristol Live: Reports of armed robbery at Greggs

(That Greggs is next door to the Wetherspoons made moderately famous in 2013 by an EDL punch up)

 

[rekil]

Good bit of local rolling news:

Bristol Live: Reports of armed robbery at Greggs

(That Greggs is next door to the Wetherspoons made moderately famous in 2013 by an EDL punch up)

 

[DaveCinzano]

View attachment 105901

I've heard that the police are fitting up a blameless bystander for this - yet another innocent pasty taking the fall.

 

[Santino]

I've heard that the police are fitting up a blameless bystander for this - yet another innocent pasty taking the blame.

Apparently had some previous beef with the police.

 

[Opera Buffa]

Lattice not make light of this serious situation

 

[DotCommunist]

I bet they were drawing lots to see who gets to attend that one. All the steak slices you can eat officer.

 

[DaveCinzano]

I bet they were drawing lots to see who gets to attend that one. All the steak slices you can eat officer.

Manager: Thanks for responding so quickly officer, but do you really need to take all 148 yum-yums back to the station?
Copper: I'm sorry sir, those two yum-yums are evidence and need to be dusted for prints.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Heard the bloke really layered into him.

Made proper mincemeat of him

 

[MrSki]

Hot cross bun with explicit message found at Sheerness Tesco in Bridge Road

 

[DaveCinzano]

Hot cross bun with explicit message found at Sheerness Tesco in Bridge Road

One of our colleagues was a little too creative in the bakery on their last day in store.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

A proper knee-trembler.

Man told police he thought illegal stun gun was a 'sex toy'

 

[Maggot]

 

[rekil]

'Grass is so long we can't open our car doors', say angry Hull residents



Me in 20 years time, struggling to find new ways to fill the void until the sweet release of nuclear apocalypse.

 

[dessiato]

'Grass is so long we can't open our car doors', say angry Hull residents

View attachment 106090

Me in 20 years time, struggling to find new ways to fill the void until the sweet release of nuclear apocalypse.

I liked this ""We have got a situation where it is warm and it has been moist, and the grass will grow for fun."

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[DaveCinzano]

 

[DaveCinzano]

Makes a change - normally it's the Vandals that get all the bad press

 

[DaveCinzano]

Hopefully they wrapped it all up with a party

 

[Enviro]

Brexit fears unfounded as 1,000 richest get richer

 

[kabbes]

Brexit fears unfounded as 1,000 richest get richer

Certainly, my fear about Brexit was that the 1000 richest might not get richer. Such a relief to find it isn't the case.

 

[DaveCinzano]

View attachment 106005
A proper knee-trembler.

Man told police he thought illegal stun gun was a 'sex toy'

AssPounder 4000?

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]