Local Newspaper Headlines!

[DaveCinzano]

It might be Christmas, but by Jove those sneaky bureaucrats are not going to outmanoeuvre the fourth estate in downtown Surrey:

Is your street on the list of worst roads in Woking?

 

[petee]

Gardaí to crack down on cars with tinted windows and loud exhausts

good

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[two sheds]

In the West Briton's best-of-the-year: This is what would happen if North Korea dropped a hydrogen bomb on Penzance.

Did Penzance say something

 

[Ground Elder]

Penzance Town Council has been testing they warheads up Madron Carn - very provocative

 

[DaveCinzano]

Did Penzance say something

KIM JONG-UN IF
YOU THINK YOU'RE
HARD ENOUGH

 

[farmerbarleymow]

"It is also alleged that he offered to supply the boys with cocaine, ecstasy and cannabis"

Blimey, the most exotic stuff our chippy does are chop suey rolls and Spam fritters!

We used to have a chippy van that sold bags of glue on the side when I was at the comp. Well known among us pupils, less so amongst the adults who freaked out when they found out and got it closed down. It resulted in a sticky situation in the 'glue sniffers corner' at the school.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

When I worked for the council I would sometimes have to deal with enquiries like this. Sadly, ''Look, why don't you just fuck off?'' wasn't considered an appropriate response.

I no longer work for the council funnily enough.

Yes, but what is the purpose of the yellow box?

You know the truth - why aren't you telling us?

 

[DaveCinzano]

Another tale of sexton, drugs & rock'n'roll

 

[DaveCinzano]

Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the buggy

 

[farmerbarleymow]

All part of a normal night out in Manchester.


Topless man seen running around asking about lemon meringue pie

 

[quiet guy]

All part of a normal night out in Manchester.

View attachment 98064
Topless man seen running around asking about lemon meringue pie

Liked the other comment in the report;
"Earlier on, at about 10pm, officers were called to reports a man with no pants on was being massaged by a female in Piccadilly.

Insp Phil Spurgeon said: “Officers attended and found the man fully clothed with a pair of chinos on, which we think were light or skin coloured, making the caller think he had no pants on. There was no sexual activity taking place.”

 

[DaveCinzano]

Not funny ha-ha

Police appeal for Croydon man 'who must not be approached'

 

[dessiato]

Diners' horror as Aylesbury Nando's runs out of chicken

 

[petee]

Not funny ha-ha

Police appeal for Croydon man 'who must not be approached'

"It is not yet known why Mr Witczak should not be approached"

 

[Orang Utan]

"It is not yet known why Mr Witczak should not be approached"

Perhaps he has Ebola

 

[DaveCinzano]

Diners' horror as Aylesbury Nando's runs out of chicken

Fowl play is not suspected

 

[DaveCinzano]

Picture: A girl tried to bring her dog with her into an Irish nightclub on New Year's Eve - Independent.ie

 

[neonwilderness]

Plan to make Hartlepool the Hollywood of the North with biggest UK film studio outside London

 

[Siouxsie]

I wonder if the emblem will be a hanging monkey!

 

[neonwilderness]

Man with poodle throws bike at horse rider

 

[Maggot]

Pop star Rhianna visits Cradley Heath school to spread online safety message

I can imagine the disappointment on the kids faces when they found out it was this Rhianna:

 

[Siouxsie]

Man with poodle throws bike at horse rider

@ comments .....
HonestBob
3:41 AM on 06/01/2017 I know the culprit. It's all down to an old beef they had in the 1980's. It's Bob Carolgees. That jack Russell is always being mistaken for a poodle. He saw Dobbin from Rent a Ghost a fulfilled 30 year pledge to 'do him in' after he stole their prized 4.30pm CBBC time slot right before Grange Hill. Chorlton and The Wheelies were on their way to rumble also but got stuck in city centre congestion after the Fraggles were involved in a nasty accident crossing Princes Street opposite Jenners on a red man. A local nosey beak calling himself Apollo 21Pilot told the EEN that the whole sorry affair was the fault of the cyclists. He then rambled on about a cyclist nearly hitting him on the footpath last week which came very close to knocking the big chip off his shoulder. The Royal Edinburgh confirmed this to be untrue and are currently reviewing his medicine dosage.

 

[oryx]

Police rushing to help collapsed person make unexpected discovery

 

[DaveCinzano]

Police rushing to help collapsed person make unexpected discovery

Just lucky it wasn't another planned operation

 

[chandlerp]

Reminds me of this

BBC NEWS | England | Merseyside | Tributes left for a dead chicken