Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Voley]

Reminds me of this

BBC NEWS | England | Merseyside | Tributes left for a dead chicken

One of the cards read: "RIP Little Baby. Safe in the arms of Jesus. From someone who is a loving mother xxxx."

Merseyside Police told the community on Monday to "stop grieving, it's only a chicken".

 

[Indeliblelink]

Bizarre moment horse spotted 'getting on a bus' in London

 

[dessiato]

Reminds me of this

BBC NEWS | England | Merseyside | Tributes left for a dead chicken

I like the last paragraph.

 

[chemn]

Helmsley is gripped by the mystery of the unclaimed false teeth

 

[DaveCinzano]

Helmsley is gripped by the mystery of the unclaimed false teeth

Incisive reporting

 

[oryx]

Reminds me of this

BBC NEWS | England | Merseyside | Tributes left for a dead chicken

I've been laughing about that all day! Especially the bits Voley quoted.

 

[Ground Elder]

Great-grandma accidentally prays to Lord of the Rings figurine for years

...don’t worry, the Gabriela’s daughter’s great-grandmother is no longer praying to a member of LOTR collective

 

[Siouxsie]

Whatever gives you comfort!

 

[hash tag]

Sorry, not a headline, but amusing all the same. Ease congestion. Ease congestion? Anything but as broken-down lorry branded with flu medicine blocks major Sutton road

 

[rekil]

'Let Donald Trump build a wall around Meath - and make Louth pay for it!'

The issue of the boundary extension with Drogheda was brought up with Brian Hanratty remarking that the rates on the big industrial units in the area were huge for the council - But, he remarked 'we don't even have a public park.'

Laytown man Jimmy Gilna, a long time campaigner, said he pays rates on his premises, but the council won't even cut the grass on the green across the road.

He then came up with the line of the night 'get Donald Trump to build a wall around County Meath - and get Louth to pay for it!'

 

[hash tag]

(not a headline, but amusing all the same)

 

[neonwilderness]

We didn’t want our drive dug up! Wolverhampton nurse comes home to muddy patch of land and £2.5k bill - with VIDEO « Express & Star

 

[DaveCinzano]

We didn’t want our drive dug up! Wolverhampton nurse comes home to muddy patch of land and £2.5k bill - with VIDEO « Express & Star

LIES, TARMACADAM LIES &
HIGH PRESSURE SALES TRICKS

 

[neonwilderness]

LIES, TARMACADAM LIES &
HIGH PRESSURE SALES TRICKS

It was just a misunderstanding. I thought I had permission to carry out the work, that’s why we did it.

 

[Siouxsie]

It came days after she had turned down work on the drive from a man with a broad Irish accent who had knocked on the door.

 

[petee]

St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Missouri, December 5, 1908

 

[Ground Elder]

Stolen from Angry People In Local Newspapers -

 

[DaveCinzano]

View attachment 98884

Presumably he would like to see the eastward expansion of the car park

 

[farmerbarleymow]

From the breaking news page in the Manchester Evening News:

 

[Reiabuzz]

This one's from a national. But still not bad.

Boozed-up mum stormed into wrong house and battered innocent young woman - then peed herself after falling downstairs

Boozed-up mum stormed into wrong house at 2am and battered teenage girl

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

'Mystery dildo bandit:' St. John's sex shop searches for alleged robber

 

[petee]

Man with mop on head seeks egg

Man with mop on head seeks egg in Port St. Lucie

 

[hash tag]

Jilted lady bobbitises lover for planning to marry another "bobbitises"

Jilted lady bobbitises lover for planning to marry another OUCH

 

[petee]

A huge mouth and no anus

A huge mouth and no anus – this could be our earliest known ancestor

 

[DaveCinzano]

Not local, but...

Long neck of wanted man mercilessly mocked after police share his mugshot

...anyone seen Firky lately?

 

[trabuquera]

A huge mouth and no anus

A huge mouth and no anus – this could be our earliest known ancestor

Typical media sensationalism and lies - it DID have an anus, it was just the SAME ORIFICE as the "huge mouth". without any mechanism for excretion this little critter would never have survived, thus no humans and urban75 would never have been invented.

 

[DaveCinzano]

Typical media sensationalism and lies - it DID have an anus, it was just the SAME ORIFICE as the "huge mouth".

Just another way of saying it talked out of its arse

 

[farmerbarleymow]

If it was steroid rage there wouldn't be much to wave around I guess.

Police called to reports of angry naked man 'waving his bits around' at hotel gym

 

[DaveCinzano]

Good old reliable NT News

Check out the picture caption as well:

Peter Rogers has been using double pluggers as mud flaps and he bloody loves them

 

[JimW]

Apparently this 2001 classic is well known but it was new to me, well played subbie:
Four kestrels manoeuvre in the dark...