Local Newspaper Headlines!

[DaveCinzano]

Sensitive headline from the Bristol Post in light of recent events:

Christmas carnage expected tonight as festive celebrations begin

 

[skyscraper101]

Sensitive headline from the Bristol Post in light of recent events:

Christmas carnage expected tonight as festive celebrations begin

Featuring the most overused binge drinking stock image EVERRR...

 

[DaveCinzano]

Featuring the most overused binge drinking stock image EVERRR...

ALL DAY DRINKING JIHAD

 

[DotCommunist]

ALL DAY DRINKING JIHAD

10 pound all you can drink at the Alahu ack Bar

 

[rekil]

Dundalk Spirit

Masked robbers didn't stop bingo

The operators of the Dundalk bingo club targeted in a robbery last week were open for business within hours of the incident, in which four masked men stole a small sum of money in a crime that lasted just two minutes.

But operations manager, David Bell and his staff were determined not to allow the raiders, at least one of whom was wearing a Hallowe'en mask, 'to disrupt our pleasures in life' following Wednesday night's heist and had the popular Racecourse Road destination open once more to punters by 2pm on Thursday.

Related.

Dundalk people are more optimistic than the national average, in spite of the economy, according to new research carried out on behalf of Dundalk Credit Union.

 

[DaveCinzano]

10 pound all you can drink at the Alahu ack Bar

 

[Siouxsie]

Featuring the most overused binge drinking stock image EVERRR...

They can use it as much as they like, the royalties bought me my new car!......I never did get the sick off those boots

 

[killer b]

This is gold. Make sure to watch the video.

‘I’M SORRY’: Joker’s apology after obscene Christmas lights spark outrage

 

[Orang Utan]

This is gold. Make sure to watch the video.

‘I’M SORRY’: Joker’s apology after obscene Christmas lights spark outrage

'your penis is still offensive'

 

[rekil]

A female police officer can then be heard saying: “Why don’t you put some clothes on?”, to which he replied: “What for?”

.

 

[DotCommunist]

I applaud the male coppers attempts to reason with him on semiotic grounds vis-a-vis the festive bell next to the word end.

 

[Orang Utan]

The end bit where he said he's dyslexic made me guffaw loudly

 

[DaveCinzano]

The end bit where he said he's dyslexic made me guffaw loudly

FREE THE LABCOKPOL ENO

 

[Voley]

''It's not a mushroom, it's a penis.''
''Well I'm dyslexic so I can't really tell.''

 

[Sasaferrato]

This is gold. Make sure to watch the video.

‘I’M SORRY’: Joker’s apology after obscene Christmas lights spark outrage

That female copper needs a sense of humour transplant.

 

[two sheds]

That female copper needs a sense of humour transplant.

I dunno, "Why can't you just put Merry Christmas up like everybody else?" was a top line.

 

[DotCommunist]

also: your penis is offensive. How many times do you get to say that in a days work eh

 

[killer b]

That female copper needs a sense of humour transplant.

I disagree. The humour of the piece is almost entirely dependent on the coppers attempting to play it straight.

 

[Orang Utan]

That female copper needs a sense of humour transplant.

No she doesn't. She's clearly wetting herself internally, just as the other cop clearly is. This is a bit of fun for them, in between the domestic violence, drunken misbehaviour and other grim cruelties they'll be getting calls about

 

[pesh]

‘I’M SORRY’: Joker’s apology after obscene Christmas lights spark outrage

"its not a mushroom, it's a penis"

 

[ItWillNeverWork]

‘I’M SORRY’: Joker’s apology after obscene Christmas lights spark outrage

"its not a mushroom, it's a penis"

Your penis is still offensive

 

[DaveCinzano]

I'm just disappointed that our northern free speech warrior didn't pick up on the copper's misuse of ‘inferring’

 

[existentialist]

Western Telegraph - the gift that just keeps on giving.

Chip shop boss accused of inciting teen boys to have sex with jumbo sausage

(srs story, but that headline... )

 

[Casual Observer]

 

[Siouxsie]

View attachment 97355
Thief snatches mobile phone, turns out it's chocolate

It wasn't Oscar Lomax was it!

Oscar Lomax (Steve Pemberton) is a blind millionaire from Ilkley, West Yorkshire. He lives in a vast mansion with support coming only from Michael Fry (Daniel Kaluuya), who helps Lomax as community service. Lomax calls Michael "Tea leaf" because of his criminal background, "tea leaf" being cockney rhyming slang for "thief." Lomax spends his time collecting plush toys which he calls "commodities" and his "Holy of Holies", keeping them in a locked room. He carries a Club biscuit with him, mistaking it for a mobile phone

 

[Siouxsie]

Western Telegraph - the gift that just keeps on giving.

Chip shop boss accused of inciting teen boys to have sex with jumbo sausage

(srs story, but that headline... )

"It is also alleged that he offered to supply the boys with cocaine, ecstasy and cannabis"

Blimey, the most exotic stuff our chippy does are chop suey rolls and Spam fritters!

 

[DaveCinzano]

Gardaí to crack down on cars with tinted windows and loud exhausts

 

[neonwilderness]

What is the purpose of this mystery yellow box in Slaithwaite?

 

[Voley]

What is the purpose of this mystery yellow box in Slaithwaite?

When I worked for the council I would sometimes have to deal with enquiries like this. Sadly, ''Look, why don't you just fuck off?'' wasn't considered an appropriate response.

I no longer work for the council funnily enough.

 

[Voley]

The Examiner missed a trick with their journalistic investigation of this important issue, though. I would've thought it justified a Freedom of Information request myself.