Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Boo Radley75]

Hapless shoplifter.

Raider who targeted restaurants, a café and shop in York is locked up

A raider has been jailed after stealing from businesses in York - within days of his crimes.

www.yorkpress.co.uk

I'm guessing the shoplifter had never seen the film "Snatch" before.

 

[hash tag]

Who stole all the pies
BBC News - Stolen van that contained 2,500 pies found

Michelin-starred chef Tommy Banks' stolen pie van found

The van owned by chef Tommy Banks contained "nearly a tonne" of pies when it was stolen.

www.bbc.com

 

[Orang Utan]

Who stole all the pies
BBC News - Stolen van that contained 2,500 pies found

Michelin-starred chef Tommy Banks' stolen pie van found

The van owned by chef Tommy Banks contained "nearly a tonne" of pies when it was stolen.

www.bbc.com

Has anyone checked on the whereabouts of Gregg Wallace?

 

[pseudonarcissus]

an otter story

Ulverston: Otters raiding peoples' ponds for fish return​

just brace yourself for next week's headline "Ulverston: Chihuahua eating otters on the lose!"

(you'll have to read to the end, but the Chihuahuas are grasses and deserve it.)

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[cupid_stunt]

Bomb squad called after doctors find WWII shell stuck up man's backside

The man said he 'slipped and fell' on the WWII artillery shell while clearing out his collection of war memorabilia.

metro.co.uk

A bomb squad was called out to a hospital after an A&E patient needed help getting a World War Two artillery shell out of his rectum.

The unnamed man told Gloucestershire Royal Hospital he ‘slipped and fell’ on the 57mm piece of weaponry on Wednesday.

The shell had been apparently lying on the floor while the patient was clearing out his collection of military memorabilia.

Yeah, pull the other one, it's got bells on.

 

[T & P]

Bomb squad called after doctors find WWII shell stuck up man's backside

The man said he 'slipped and fell' on the WWII artillery shell while clearing out his collection of war memorabilia.

metro.co.uk

Yeah, pull the other one, it's got bells on.

I thought the standard explanation for shells up the bum was the patient was trying to push his piles back in…

 

[JimW]

He'll get a rocket up the arse when he gets home.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Bomb squad called after doctors find WWII shell stuck up man's backside

The man said he 'slipped and fell' on the WWII artillery shell while clearing out his collection of war memorabilia.

metro.co.uk

Yeah, pull the other one, it's got bells on.

Hope it wasn't a messy controlled explosion.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Pensioner pleases neighbours with his massive flashing cock

Spoiler: Well!

 

[hash tag]

Pensioner pleases neighbours with his massive flashing cock

Spoiler: Well!

View attachment 454333

Thats just showing off

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Uncontrollable giant feral hogs closing on Inverness

Giant feral hogs closing in on Inverness as farmers issue warning

Wild boars are believed to be within a mile of Inverness as the city braces for an invasion

www.heraldscotland.com

 

[quiet guy]

Just in time for all the Hog roasts

 

[Puddy_Tat]

or hogswatch night

 

[T & P]

Pensioner pleases neighbours with his massive flashing cock

Spoiler: Well!

View attachment 454333

Good to see Metro’s subeditors retaining a sense of fun

 

[T & P]

Uncontrollable giant feral hogs closing on Inverness

Giant feral hogs closing in on Inverness as farmers issue warning

Wild boars are believed to be within a mile of Inverness as the city braces for an invasion

www.heraldscotland.com

If the Syrian rebels thought they were about to enter the record books for the quickest takeover of a city in history, they’re about to be bitterly disappointed.

 

[moochedit]

Good to see Metro’s subeditors retaining a sense of fun

Bit too much wine at the office christmas party i think

 

[hash tag]

Brilliant Winner of World Dumpling Championship in Norwich revealed

All types of dumpling welcome, including "Norfolk Swimmers to Nepalese Momos."

 

[hash tag]

From the same paper

Doughnut stall moves BACK to original city market spot after plea

Doodle Donuts has moved back to its original stall in Norwich Market after a plea from the stallholder.

www.edp24.co.uk

 

[seeformiles]

From the same paper

Doughnut stall moves BACK to original city market spot after plea

Doodle Donuts has moved back to its original stall in Norwich Market after a plea from the stallholder.

www.edp24.co.uk

Thank God for that

 

[emanymton]

Police smash down door of home covered in Christmas decorations in morning raid

Officers smashed down front doors as they executed search warrants in Little Hulton before dawn this morning

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk

Police smash down door of family home covered in Christmas decorations in early morning strike

About bloody time. More of this please.

 

[quiet guy]

WTF
Do they really think this is a good thing in the current financial climate? If the gammons want this then they can cough up.

Elizabeth II: St James's Park memorial could cost up to £46m

The project will aim to create "an emotionally powerful place", with celebratory spaces as well as areas to encourage reflection, and a standalone monument.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[cupid_stunt]

US city tells residents to stop sticking googly eyes on its statues

The Oregon city of Bend has spent $1,500 (£1,188) on removing googly eyes from seven of the eight sculptures impacted.

news.sky.com

 

[hash tag]

Will Southend fake it or do it for real?

Green oasis set to replace 'ridiculous' fake tree plan for Southend High Street

A GREEN oasis could be created on Southend High Street after councillors dismissed a “ridiculous” idea to install artificial trees outside shops

www.echo-news.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

Will Southend fake it or do it for real?

Green oasis set to replace 'ridiculous' fake tree plan for Southend High Street

A GREEN oasis could be created on Southend High Street after councillors dismissed a “ridiculous” idea to install artificial trees outside shops

www.echo-news.co.uk

However, Stuart Allen, Green Party councillor for Leigh Ward, said: “I don’t know how not to be rude. I think this is ridiculous. I thought it was an actual joke. Artificial trees are not going to provide shade for people or air generation. It’s crazy.”

Daniel Cowan, leader of the council also dismissed the plan as fantasy and said it would actually cost the council far more. He said: “Here we have a completely uncosted Conservative idea. The cheapest tree made out of plastic of a reasonable size is about £2,500. We’re talking £375,000 that’s for plastic trees.

“If you are talking about fibreglass that’s £8,000 a tree. You’ve not costed this. You’ve pulled this out the air. It’s a complete and utter nonsense.

More like - You’ve pulled this out of your arse!

 

[hash tag]

Britain's most hated woman? First she charges £200 per person to attend her Christmas dinner, then she pisses of her neighbours. What a carry on

'Britain's most hated woman' angers neighbours with £2,000 Christmas display

Former glamour model Carla Bellucci, known as 'Britain's most hated woman', has angered people in her sleepy Hertfordshire village once again after spending £2,000 on Christmas decorations

www.mirror.co.uk

 

[two sheds]

Carla said all she wants to do is "make people happy" ... and does this by pissing people off