Local Newspaper Headlines!

[hitmouse]

Lamb found in car with 'drugs worth £10,000' on Scots motorway

Police Dog Billy was 'instrumental' in the find of heroin and cocaine along the M74 on Saturday as cops confirmed three people have been arrested and charged.

www.dailyrecord.co.uk

 

[quiet guy]

Not a local paper but a great headline.

Pensioner urinating on train tracks killed by flying cow launched 100ft into the air by carriage

A pensioner was killed in a freak accident when he was struck by a flying cow launched 100ft into the air by an express train.

www.lbc.co.uk

Now that's going to be a strange one to describe on the death cert, Death by cow

 

[hash tag]

Now that's going to be a strange one to describe on the death cert, Death by cow

A rare beef

 

[hash tag]

Lamb found in car with 'drugs worth £10,000' on Scots motorway

Police Dog Billy was 'instrumental' in the find of heroin and cocaine along the M74 on Saturday as cops confirmed three people have been arrested and charged.

www.dailyrecord.co.uk

Not a scape goat then.

 

[ouirdeaux]

All we like sheep have gone astray.

 

[moochedit]

All we like sheep have gone astray.

Bah!

 

[UrbaneFox]

"Mr Sharma had worked as an electrician at Indian Railways, before retiring 23 years ago, India Today reports."

Let's hope his widow receives a decent pension, for services rendered.

 

[elbows]

CCTV shows spooky moment pub punter's glass smashes spontaneously

It was on the table and just smashes - much to the astonishment of punters

www.coventrytelegraph.net

 

[Maggot]

Lamb found in car with 'drugs worth £10,000' on Scots motorway

Police Dog Billy was 'instrumental' in the find of heroin and cocaine along the M74 on Saturday as cops confirmed three people have been arrested and charged.

www.dailyrecord.co.uk

Sheep On Drugs | Official Website

Sheep On Drugs | Official Website

www.sheepondrugs.co.uk

 

[Indeliblelink]

 

[elbows]

CCTV shows spooky moment pub punter's glass smashes spontaneously

It was on the table and just smashes - much to the astonishment of punters

www.coventrytelegraph.net

The story has evolved. Now haunted by Dave.

Landlord thinks his pub is haunted after pint explodes in front of drinker

The eerie antics have plagued the Coniston Tavern in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, with two unexplained occurrences captured on film.

metro.co.uk

 

[Wilf]

Lamb found in car with 'drugs worth £10,000' on Scots motorway

Police Dog Billy was 'instrumental' in the find of heroin and cocaine along the M74 on Saturday as cops confirmed three people have been arrested and charged.

www.dailyrecord.co.uk

Ten grand, that's quite a lot of drugs! But then, I suppose you might as well be hung for...
Coat.

 

[elbows]

O Rly?

Woman thinks she's found an owl in her frothy morning coffee

Is this an owl or just a frothy bit of coffee? Hoo knows.

metro.co.uk

 

[MickiQ]

Not a local paper but a great headline.

Pensioner urinating on train tracks killed by flying cow launched 100ft into the air by carriage

A pensioner was killed in a freak accident when he was struck by a flying cow launched 100ft into the air by an express train.

www.lbc.co.uk

Perhaps he can't find enough reindeer and is experimenting with other animals.

 

[Artaxerxes]

Calm down.
Aint nothing wrong with Grimsby, a former fishing port in North Lincolnshire.

Well, maybe a few things, nothing serious.

Nothing a neutron bomb couldn’t fix

 

[petee]

What’s the white residue on the banks of Salt River?

What's causing the odd white substance?

www.azfamily.com

go on, guess

 

[Tanya1982]

Semen from condoms flushed down the toilet.

 

[moochedit]

What’s the white residue on the banks of Salt River?

What's causing the odd white substance?

www.azfamily.com

go on, guess

Cocaine

 

[dessiato]

Banana drama: ‘hungry’ South Korean student eats $120,000 artwork

Footage shows Noh Huyn-soo unpeeling and eating piece of fruit in work by Maurizio Cattelan before reattaching peel to wall

www.theguardian.com

 

[two sheds]

Conceptual art

 

[chandlerp]

it's only a $120,000 artwork if that's what someone has paid for it. Otherwise that's just what the artist reckons it's worth which means fuck all.

 

[mx wcfc]

Huge penis mown into ‘perfect lawn’ on Bath’s most exclusive street https://wiltshire999s.co.uk/huge-penis-lawn-bath-exclusive/

 

[JimW]

Huge penis mown into ‘perfect lawn’ on Bath’s most exclusive street https://wiltshire999s.co.uk/huge-penis-lawn-bath-exclusive/

That's a marker for the new Cerne Abbas Way

 

[seeformiles]

Huge penis mown into ‘perfect lawn’ on Bath’s most exclusive street https://wiltshire999s.co.uk/huge-penis-lawn-bath-exclusive/

“It appeared just two days before a large Coronation party is planned for the grounds of The Royal Crescent”

Well done that Gardener

 

[Indeliblelink]

‘Somerset Gimp’ arrested again for terrifying motorist who thought he was a badger​

Telegraph so paywalled but I think we get the idea from the headline.

 

[petee]

cows = touts

After man flees traffic stop, cows lead officers "directly to where the suspect was hiding," North Carolina police say

"Apparently cows do not want suspected criminals loitering in their pasture," police said.

www.cbsnews.com

 

[Orang Utan]

cows = touts

After man flees traffic stop, cows lead officers "directly to where the suspect was hiding," North Carolina police say

"Apparently cows do not want suspected criminals loitering in their pasture," police said.

www.cbsnews.com

They resell concert and sports tickets at inflated prices?

 

[two sheds]

In udder news ...

 

[cupid_stunt]

Cows assisting pigs to exile a human from a farm, sounds familiar.

 

[petee]

Beware: Bison on the loose in Aroostook County​

https://www.newscentermaine.com/article/life/animals/beware-of-bison-on-the-loose-in-aroostook-county-forest-ave-and-route-1a-maine/97-46e7a09d-bfd1-4507-b55a-18c057c5983b

Residents should not approach the bison if they pass through their property

WELL, YEAH