Local Newspaper Headlines!

[seeformiles]

Owner of 'world's heaviest potato' upset to discover it's not actually a potato

No, you're not dreaming.

metro.co.uk

On Tuesday’s This Morning, Colin tuned in from New Zealand to speak to Phillip Schofield and Josie Gibson, sharing his disappointment over the new discovery about his precious Dug – who was placed by his side, decked out with sunglasses.
‘It was a bit of a deflation to find out he wasn’t a potato,’ Colin admitted, despite appearing in good spirits.
‘But as you walk along through life, these s**ty sandwiches, someone chucks them in your lunchbox,’ he added, forcing Phillip to issue a swift apology to viewers for the swear word.

Oh no. I bet he regrets making that wee cart for it now

 

[Orang Utan]

It looks more like a record breaking tumour than a tuber

 

[seeformiles]

Leeds Woman to discover whether she is related to Kerry Katona in new Channel 4 show

A Leeds woman is set to discover whether she has famous DNA and is related to Kerry Katona as part of a new TV show.

www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk

 

[gentlegreen]

Oh no. I bet he regrets making that wee cart for it now

View attachment 314647

"Colin Craig-Brown, 62, is the son of a horticultural scientist. He and his wife, Donna, 60, ran a small farm. The couple had not previously grown potatoes, meaning Doug would have had to have been self-seeded."

It could’ve been the world’s largest potato, if only it were a potato

A couple in New Zealand found a giant growth in their garden, named it Doug and applied to the Guinness Book of World Records. Then the results of a DNA analysis came in.

indianexpress.com

How could anyone related to an agronomist confuse a potato plant with a cucurbit ??

 

[Yossarian]

Chickens have apparently seized power in Essex.

 

[petee]

Chickens have apparently seized power in Essex.

View attachment 315678

All Power To The Flocks!

 

[danny la rouge]

 

[cupid_stunt]

Turns out this story is a few months old, but it's a good 'un:

Pothole deep enough to fit a person standing up raises safety concerns in south Fermanagh

A pothole so deep a person with the height of around 6ft can stand in it completely has been causing a stir in south Fermanagh.

www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk

View attachment 316153

 

[danny la rouge]

 

[hitmouse]

Not really local news, but a fantastic headline:

Vine guest insists Royal Family should be 'put in a box with goblins'

THE Royal Family should be removed "entirely" and put "into a box" to give way to a republic, Jeremy Vine guest Marina Purkiss said.

www.express.co.uk

Not sure what the poor goblins did to deserve it, though?

 

[dessiato]

I’ve just seen this, “torn penis.”

Man left needing hospital treatment after partner 'yanked penis' during row

Following an argument Luke Lal injured his partner's penis by repeatedly pulling it and later sent him a series of abusive messages on a gay dating App

www.birminghammail.co.uk

 

[hash tag]

Ouch.

 

[pseudonarcissus]

I hope for a report on seagull deterrents in the next edition

 

[seeformiles]

Crumbs! Lorry sheds biscuit load over Derbyshire road

The road in Derbyshire is closed as police try to "digest" the issue.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

No clothes required: Naked dining comes to Worthing

A new form of dining out is on its way to Worthing - but it’s one where the dress code is definitely informal.

www.sussexexpress.co.uk

That's a nope from me.

 

[JimW]

No clothes required: Naked dining comes to Worthing

A new form of dining out is on its way to Worthing - but it’s one where the dress code is definitely informal.

www.sussexexpress.co.uk

That's a nope from me.

Never order the meat and two veg.

 

[dessiato]

No clothes required: Naked dining comes to Worthing

A new form of dining out is on its way to Worthing - but it’s one where the dress code is definitely informal.

www.sussexexpress.co.uk

That's a nope from me.

No problem, why not? I’d want the seats cleaning before I sat down though. Or a towel, which is replaced between diners.

 

[cupid_stunt]

No problem, why not?

Well, in your case, you would probably have an accident with hot soup, and end up scalding your bits.

 

[dessiato]

Well, in your case, you would probably have an accident with hot soup, and end up scalding your bits.

And not for the first time I fear.

 

[seeformiles]

No clothes required: Naked dining comes to Worthing

A new form of dining out is on its way to Worthing - but it’s one where the dress code is definitely informal.

www.sussexexpress.co.uk

That's a nope from me.

“……some people just find a space and just unsheath there,”

 

[Indeliblelink]

Isle of Wight: Council's electric vehicle chargers hacked to show porn site

Isle of Wight Council says staff are covering up the "inappropriate" website showing on the screen.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[seeformiles]

Leeds flats overrun by huge squealing rats the size of 'small dogs'

The dad-of-two finds over 20 rats in a bin at one time and can hear 'squealing' from three floors high

www.leeds-live.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

Leeds flats overrun by huge squealing rats the size of 'small dogs'

The dad-of-two finds over 20 rats in a bin at one time and can hear 'squealing' from three floors high

www.leeds-live.co.uk

It's 2022, nothing surprises me any longer.

 

[petee]

Dublin Airport got 12,272 noise complaints last year from just one person

One person was responsible for nine in 10 of all complaints about noise from aircraft using Dublin Airport last year.

www.independent.ie

It is almost double the 6,227 complaints the same individual filed in 2020.

 

[Maltin]

Mum blasts Toby Carvery as foot-long hot dog resembles 'E.T.'s finger'

The large hot dog was served in a measly bun

t.co

Mum blasts Toby Carvery as bizarre foot-long hot dog resembles 'E.T.'s finger’

Worse still, it was served alongside an 'appalling' side salad that consisted merely of a few stalks of raw carrot and cucumber - but no lettuce.

 

[pseudonarcissus]

Psychic night at Lincoln pub cancelled due to 'unforeseen circumstances'

A night of predicting the future might have to wait

thelincolnite.co.uk

 

[seeformiles]

I bet it smelled good though:

Sausage factory fire captured on video

Pictures show thick plumes of smoke and flames rising from the building in Harlow, Essex.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[hash tag]

Did it go up with a bang er?

 

[petee]

"For example, a December 1997 case shows Santa Claus being convicted of felony burglary and kidnapping, with a charge of assault on a peace officer dismissed by the court. The court records indicate a sentence of 999 years in prison was imposed.

As part of that same test case, the court imposed a no-contact order prohibiting Santa from having any contact with Mickey Mouse. Santa’s bail – listed as “one million bucks” in a possible punning reference to Santa’s reindeer — is stated to have been “posted by Rudolph" "

'Easter Bunny' listed as prosecutor in hundreds of Iowa court cases • Iowa Capital Dispatch

The Easter Bunny is representing the prosecution in several hundred Polk County criminal cases, according to the court's official website.

iowacapitaldispatch.com

 

[seeformiles]

Illinois family finds preserved McDonald's food from over half a century ago in home's wall

An order of 63-year-old fries came along with the house just south of the Wisconsin state line.

www.nbcnews.com