Local Newspaper Headlines!

[AnnO'Neemus]

Or a Willendorf Venus?

View attachment 306798

Years ago, before Google was a thing, an ex-bf called me his Venus of Willendorf, and I was quite flattered to be compared to a goddess, thinking, of course, of more typical depictions of the goddess, in statues and paintings.

And then I saw an image of the Venus of Willendorf.

 

[krtek a houby]

Well, this is disturbing, if the two did what the papers have been suggesting

Gardaí rule out foul play after body of pensioner left at Carlow post office

 

[cupid_stunt]

Well, this is disturbing, if the two did what the papers have been suggesting

Gardaí rule out foul play after body of pensioner left at Carlow post office

The Gardaí have only ruled out foul play in the actual death, but the investigation continues into ' if his body was mistreated or mishandled in a criminal manner, and if an effort was made to fraudulently collect his pension.'

 

[two sheds]

Mr Doyle’s death notice states he died “suddenly” and that he was “predeceased by his parents Patrick and Anne, sister Angeline and brother Lar”.

that's a bit concerning, too

 

[hitmouse]

A classic headline:

Woman fuming over price of Tesco leg of lamb becomes talk of Ramsbottom

Clive, a Tesco leg of lamb and a viral post that has sparked a feverish debate - and plenty of quips...

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk

 

[cupid_stunt]

A classic headline:

Woman fuming over price of Tesco leg of lamb becomes talk of Ramsbottom

Clive, a Tesco leg of lamb and a viral post that has sparked a feverish debate - and plenty of quips...

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk

It being in Ramsbottom is funny in itself, but...

Bill Higham joked: "I don't know why Clive is being lambasted".
Ben Price added: "I know how you feel. Bought some venison the other day, that was dead dear too."

"Clive are ewe ok," quipped another.
Graeme Shepherd said: "I bet Clive is feeling a bit sheepish right now...
Adam Bracegirdle wrote: "Ramsbottom was famous for the urn, the steam train, and now Clive".

 

[hitmouse]

It being in Ramsbottom is funny in itself, but...

I was just about to post that bit!

 

[Orang Utan]

That puts them in the frame for murder too, then.

Nice fellas:

 

[krtek a houby]

Nice fellas:
View attachment 307269

Because of their looks?

 

[hitmouse]

Decapitated Colin the Caterpillar ruins Christmas dessert in Derbyshire

A lack of coleslaw also makes the list

www.derbytelegraph.co.uk

 

[ouirdeaux]

I can't click that link.

Whatever the story is, it cannot possibly live up to its promise. I couldn't handle the disillusionment.

 

[hash tag]

Seems like even the BEEB is muscling in on the catchy headlines

Dorset knob-throwing festival axed over size issues

The festival which sees savoury biscuits hurled down a field in Dorset had been set to go ahead in May.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[hash tag]

Dead man ‘propped up by two other men in attempt to collect pension at post office’

A dead man was brought to a post office this morning in an attempt to collect his pension in one of the most bizarre incidents that gardaí have ever seen.

www.independent.ie

A quick update

 

[seeformiles]

A classic headline:

Woman fuming over price of Tesco leg of lamb becomes talk of Ramsbottom

Clive, a Tesco leg of lamb and a viral post that has sparked a feverish debate - and plenty of quips...

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk

Crikey what year does this person think it is? Lamb has always been expensive and post-Brexit even more so. Perhaps she should switch to mince

 

[dessiato]

Crikey what year does this person think it is? Lamb has always been expensive and post-Brexit even more so. Perhaps she should switch to mince

I read that as "mice."

 

[seeformiles]

I read that as "mice."

She’d likely complain about the price of mice as well

 

[seeformiles]

Because of their looks?

Tbf he does look like a right fucking eejit too.

 

[seeformiles]

Dorset knob-throwing festival axed over size issues

The festival which sees savoury biscuits hurled down a field in Dorset had been set to go ahead in May.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[hash tag]

Seems like even the BEEB is muscling in on the catchy headlines

Dorset knob-throwing festival axed over size issues

The festival which sees savoury biscuits hurled down a field in Dorset had been set to go ahead in May.

www.bbc.co.uk

Dorset knob-throwing festival axed over size issues

The festival which sees savoury biscuits hurled down a field in Dorset had been set to go ahead in May.

www.bbc.co.uk

Old news

 

[seeformiles]

Old news

Doh!

 

[Dystopiary]

Huw Merriman MP steps in poo in Kent layby on Brexit lorry trip

"As he stepped off the minibus he found what he thought to be terra firma but was actually human excrement.

Oh well, at least he can claim to have first-hand knowledge of the problems associated with the lack of proper parks for hauliers."

 

[bluescreen]

Huw Merriman MP steps in poo in Kent layby on Brexit lorry trip

"As he stepped off the minibus he found what he thought to be terra firma but was actually human excrement.

Oh well, at least he can claim to have first-hand knowledge of the problems associated with the lack of proper parks for hauliers."

One for the thank you to Brexiters thread.

 

[Dystopiary]

One for the thank you to Brexiters thread.

 

[seeformiles]

Watch: London postal workers ‘get high on hash brownies’

Royal Mail has launched a probe after staff at a London sorting office allegedly got high by accidentally eating cannabis-laced brownies from an unclaimed parcel.

www.standard.co.uk

 

[two sheds]

Not sure how you accidentally eat something though.

 

[dessiato]

They should be sacked for opening the parcel and stealing the brownies.

 

[two sheds]

Your parcel was it eh then? eh? eh?

eta: can't say I'd fancy eating some random biscuits that someone I didn't know had sent through the post though.

 

[quiet guy]

Royal Mail management have become aware of this and are investigating the inappropriate behaviour and actions of those filmed.

 

[two sheds]

Eating biscuits in work time

 

[Dogsauce]

Eating biscuits in work time

If the rest of us had decent unions we’d be allowed to do this too.