Local Newspaper Headlines!

[MrSki]

 

[DaveCinzano]

Merton's new bin collection has finally begun

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Beautiful framing from the photographer - particularly like the ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’-style set-up: “Three angry gammons, two enraged sisters, and a creepy guy who kept himself to himself”

 

[neonwilderness]

Motorist crashed into a wall while looking at ducks

 

[two sheds]

Motorist crashed into a wall while looking at ducks

"admitted driving without due care and attention"

looking at ducks shows due care and attention

 

[petee]

looking at ducks shows due care and attention

not gulls tho'

 

[two sheds]

was ducks not gulls

 

[two sheds]

i had a duck live at the back of me one time used to lead her ducklets down to the stream through the long grass, just saw a head and loads of little ducklet wiggles following behind her

don't get that with gulls.

 

[Ground Elder]

Ducks are bastards. Forever causing crashes and traffic hold ups. Last Easter Sunday we were speeding down the M5, when mother duck and her brood came into view on the hard shoulder, poised to waddle straight into the traffic. We didn't look back

 

[JimW]

"Don't slow down, this is duck country."

 

[two sheds]

Ducks are bastards. Forever causing crashes and traffic hold ups. Last Easter Sunday we were speeding down the M5, when mother duck and her brood came into view on the hard shoulder, poised to waddle straight into the traffic. We didn't look back

Yep, some mothers have absolutely no road sense. Can't watch to the end

 

[Ground Elder]

Don't worry - it's got a happy ending

 

[two sheds]

Aww ta - still really needed a "Contains distressing scenes" warning though.

 

[petee]

Did the commissioner accused of sphincter bleaching just compare the mayor to Hitler?

 

[neonwilderness]

Ryanair hell: 'All they offered me was a £3.50 voucher'

Not quite worthy of a thread of it's own

 

[cupid_stunt]

Ryanair hell: 'All they offered me was a £3.50 voucher'

Not quite worthy of a thread of it's own

A holidaymaker has slammed Ryanair after she was delayed for over 14 hours - and offered just £3.50 for food.

Livid Sheridan Bywater claims the offer was so meagre, she didn't even bother spending it.

I love the classic pissed-off photo.

 

[dessiato]

Old English Bulldog bites off man's penis and testicles in Scottish flat

 

[a_chap]

Virginia city says trick-or-treaters older than 12 could face jail time

 

[a_chap]

After they've found and glued back together the millions of pieces, I assume.

 

[DaveCinzano]

“Hang on a minute... Wait... Yes, I've definitely left my keys back there...”

 

[hash tag]

Please don't drive if you have been drinking, go find something else to do instead. On second thoughts He was found naked under a car. He was trying to have sex with it, Kansas police say

 

[cupid_stunt]

ON THIS DAY - we just couldn't stop laughing...

 

[cybershot]

ON THIS DAY - we just couldn't stop laughing...

View attachment 149674

Written by Beavis & Butt-head?

 

[mx wcfc]

ON THIS DAY - we just couldn't stop laughing...

View attachment 149674

I hate this fecking board, I can't post anything like "haha - feck the swindon sheep shaggers." cos I'll get told off for being prejudiced against the wiltshire scum.

 

[petee]

NZ crowns tipsy pigeon bird of the year

 

[Ground Elder]

 

[existentialist]

I hate this fecking board, I can't post anything like "haha - feck the swindon sheep shaggers." cos I'll get told off for being prejudiced against the wiltshire scum.

It's PC gorn maaaaad, I tell you!

 

[Poi E]

You'd like Indian journalism I think JuanTwoThree. They go for the sensational but also dress it up in very archaic Raj-era language. There's a Times Of India one I can't remember word-for-word but was along the lines of 'The miscreants absconded with the loot, repaired to their mountain hideaway and then vanished into thin air!'

That'd be a report on colonialism.

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

My state has a new tourism board slogan:

Nebraska has an image problem. For four consecutive years, it’s come in dead last on a list of states that tourists are interested in visiting, according to the travel marketing research firm MMGY Global. Even though travel writers routinely praise Omaha’s music and art scenes and the state’s spectacular wildlife, people on the coasts tend to think of Nebraska as a really long cornfield they have to drive through to reach the Rockies.

So tourism officials are trying out a new approach. On Wednesday, the Nebraska Tourism Commission revealed its new slogan: “Honestly, it’s not for everyone.”

Yes, it’s real.

- The Washington Post

TBH, one of the reasons I stay here is that its boring. There's something to be said for a lack of drama.

 

[a_chap]

It's just luck innit.

The first time I went to the USA was because I'd just won the latest "Consultant of the year" award (that's ok, no need to congratulate me) which came with a one grand travel voucher -- this was in the days when a grand actually meant something. The wife and I were staying in a hotel (posh hotel for a weekend + meals was my "Consultant of the month" prize -- makes me realise just how far I've fallen) and there was a group of Americans at an adjacent table in the restaurant. So I asked them where in the US they'd recommend someone to visit. Luckily for us they lived in California so we booked a fucking fantastic two week break.

They could have all come from Nebraska...

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

They could have all come from Nebraska...

Oh, the horror!