If you were dictator of the UK

[BigMoaner]

People that don't reply to phone messages (text/Whatsapp/etc.) reasonably promptly (within a day or 2) without good reason get a public flogging. Maybe 5 lashes for each day they didn't reply?

As for old people that have a mobile phone but only turn it on every so often to check for, or send, a message then quickly turn it back off to 'save the battery' or something, flogging is too good for them ffs.

Would you slaughter Instagram users? I'm undecided.

 

[Ax^]

And a big house.

 

[tonysingh]

I'd also pass a law that states any man that walks around with his hand down the front of his trackies should be castrated.

 

[brogdale]

Say you suddenly became dictator of the UK for the next ten years. What would your first steps be in changing the country?

I’d give a Universal Income a go I think. Abolish other State assistance

Close tax loops, especially for multinationals. Although you might have to accept you’d drive significant investment away from Britain.

Invest in forward-thinking national infrastructure like improving railways, cycle lanes, renewable energy.

Positive discrimination to improve meritocracy in all/most areas of public life including law, medicine, government inc civil service.

Massive focus of preventative medicine and public health. Re open Sure Start. I may devolve this power to LynnDoyleCooper as he has some good ideas.

I’d also massively de-regulate education, making schools a lot more autonomous and teacher run and getting rid of the National Curriculum. The cost would be a lot more variability in quality mind you. Also widen education with a lot more vocational subjects like car mechanics, cooking/baking, sewing/embroidery/craft, electronics, plumbing, building etc from secondary onwards alongside core academic subjects.

I might get rid of all private vehicles from cities unless you have a disabled badge. We’d all get wet, but we’d soon toughen up and our health would massively improve.

Reinstate National Citizenship Service from 16-20. You can choose your area eg health, parks, services, care work etc. But you will work for the benefit of society for the National Wage for the first 2-4 years after leaving education.

What would your priorities be?

Aren't we all missing the point here? Surely, for any dictator worthy of the title, the priority would be to eradicate the potential for any opposition, challengers or return of representative democracy.
So priorities would presumably be developing elements of fanatically loyal armed forces to protect me and my heirs, a state security infrastructure to terrorise and subdue opposition forces, leaders, intellectuals and unions, and develop a cultural hegemony aimed at engendering consent for my dictatorship.

That sort of stuff.

 

[Flavour]

No more RP on the BBC. All presenters to have very strong regional accents, or immigrant accents

 

[Smokeandsteam]

No more RP on the BBC. All presenters to have very strong regional accents, or immigrant accents

no professional northerners or cockney wide boy cunts either

 

[BigMoaner]

Aren't we all missing the point here? Surely, for any dictator worthy of the title, the priority would be to eradicate the potential for any opposition, challengers or return of representative democracy.
So priorities would presumably be developing elements of fanatically loyal armed forces to protect me and my heirs, a state security infrastructure to terrorise and subdue opposition forces, leaders, intellectuals and unions, and develop a cultural hegemony aimed at engendering consent for my dictatorship.

That sort of stuff.

You missed secret police service. Other than that, excellent.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Aren't we all missing the point here? Surely, for any dictator worthy of the title, the priority would be to eradicate the potential for any opposition, challengers or return of representative democracy.
So priorities would presumably be developing elements of fanatically loyal armed forces to protect me and my heirs, a state security infrastructure to terrorise and subdue opposition forces, leaders, intellectuals and unions, and develop a cultural hegemony aimed at engendering consent for my dictatorship.

That sort of stuff.

I would eliminate the armed forces altogether by simply placing a sign reading, 'this way for free polo shirts that are one size too small' at the edge of a very high cliff.

 

[SpookyFrank]

You missed secret police service. Other that, excellent.

Yeah because it's a fucking secret

 

[brogdale]

I would eliminate the armed forces altogether by simply placing a sign reading, 'this way for free polo shirts that are one size too small' at the edge of a very high cliff.

Who you gonna call when the revolting masses storm your Presidential palace complex?

 

[SpookyFrank]

Who you gonna call when the revolting masses storm your Presidential palace complex?

The palace is a decoy, packed floor to ceiling with high explosives and billiard balls.

 

[Edie]

Aren't we all missing the point here? Surely, for any dictator worthy of the title, the priority would be to eradicate the potential for any opposition, challengers or return of representative democracy.
So priorities would presumably be developing elements of fanatically loyal armed forces to protect me and my heirs, a state security infrastructure to terrorise and subdue opposition forces, leaders, intellectuals and unions, and develop a cultural hegemony aimed at engendering consent for my dictatorship.

That sort of stuff.

Yeah it was more a kind of thought experiment. I think we’re pretty lucky with Parliamentary democracy. It’s not ideal obviously, and the pig fuckers need to go. It’s just hard not to think that somehow if you were in charge things would be a whole lot better…

Im still unclear if I am embracing or rejecting globalisation. As a dictator I mean.

 

[Saul Goodman]

There would only be 3 permitted hairstyles for men. Mullet, Quiff, and Kim Jong.

 

[Flavour]

Move the Supreme Court and whatever other High Courts to Birmingham

 

[Edie]

Move the Supreme Court and whatever other High Courts to Birmingham

Tough, I’ve already moved them to Bradford.

 

[brogdale]

Yeah it was more a kind of thought experiment. I think we’re pretty lucky with Parliamentary democracy. It’s not ideal obviously, and the pig fuckers need to go. It’s just hard not to think that somehow if you were in charge things would be a whole lot better…

Im still unclear if I am embracing or rejecting globalisation. As a dictator I mean.

My post was a thought experiment; I'm not really an aspirant tyrannical, fascist dictator!

 

[LDC]

Nobody under 21 would be allowed to drive, and all cars would have a 50mph speed limit. They'd be secure race tracks away from everyone else with no speed limits and where anyone over 18 could hire fast cars and race while not wearing seatbelts, after a few beers, whatever you want.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Motorcyclists will have a special lane all to themselves. At the bottom of the fucking sea.

 

[Saul Goodman]

Nobody under 21 would be allowed to drive, and all cars would have a 50mph speed limit.

Nobody would be allowed to drive on a public road until they'd spent a full month at Nürburgring in a car with no less than 500bhp.
No car with less than 300bhp would be allowed on a public road.
All bicycles would be crushed, melted down and made into speed limit signs, which would be removed and melted down to make something useful.

 

[tonysingh]

There would only be 3 permitted hairstyles for men. Mullet, Quiff, and Kim Jong.

You've forgotten the slap heads.

 

[Sue]

My post was a thought experiment; I'm not really an aspirant tyrannical, fascist dictator!

 

[Saul Goodman]

You've forgotten the slap heads.

#notahairstyle

 

[brogdale]

I nearly put one of those on the post myself!

 

[Flavour]

Make wearing a bike helmet compulsory

 

[Smokeandsteam]

Make wearing a bike helmet compulsory

Even in the bath.

 

[BigMoaner]

Not sure what to do with cyclists.

 

[Saul Goodman]

Not sure what to do with cyclists.

Gulags... It's for the best.

 

[Sue]

Not sure what to do with cyclists.

Pavement cyclists should be shot on sight. Same goes for green man non-respecters.

 

[BigMoaner]

Killing Fields for Audi drivers.

 

[BigMoaner]

Pavement cyclists should be shot on sight. Same goes for green man non-respecters.

Guard at every light. Empty cartridges everywhere.

I'm worried I'm getting too In to this.