If you were dictator of the UK

[Sue]

Guard at every light. Empty cartridges everywhere.

I'm worried I'm getting too In to this.

That just shows you'd be good at the whole dictator thing.

 

[Flavour]

Offer asylum and transport to the refugees in Calais

 

[not a trot]

Make it compulsory for all Tories to change their surnames to cunt.

 

[Smokeandsteam]

Make it compulsory for all Tories to change their surnames to cunt.

Make it compulsory for all Liberal Democrat’s to change their surnames to Bell-End

 

[Supine]

Make it compulsory for all Liberal Democrat’s to change their surnames to Bell-End

Change all lefties forenames to Jeremy

 

[BigMoaner]

Surprised no one has unleashed a wave of terror on That London yet.

 

[Saul Goodman]

Surprised no one has unleashed a wave of terror on That London yet.

It's gone. I had it towed out to sea and scuttled.

 

[Artaxerxes]

It's gone. I had it towed out to sea and scuttled.

Putting the dogging back in doggerland

 

[A380]

Aren't we all missing the point here? Surely, for any dictator worthy of the title, the priority would be to eradicate the potential for any opposition, challengers or return of representative democracy.
So priorities would presumably be developing elements of fanatically loyal armed forces to protect me and my heirs, a state security infrastructure to terrorise and subdue opposition forces, leaders, intellectuals and unions, and develop a cultural hegemony aimed at engendering consent for my dictatorship.

That sort of stuff.

Anyone who wears glasses, has books in their house or stayed at school past 16 gets sent to camps around Abergavenny.

 

[Saul Goodman]

Anyone who wears glasses, has books in their house or stayed at school past 16 gets sent to camps around Abergavenny.

I started wearing glasses about 2 months ago. I wasn't going to but my desire to avoid Abergavenny was overcome by my desire to see

 

[A380]

I started wearing glasses about 2 months ago. I wasn't going to but my desire to avoid Abergavenny was overcome by my desire to see

Sad story but rules is rules. To the camps with you for the greater glory of the proletariat and the motherland.

 

[krtek a houby]

Surprised no one has unleashed a wave of terror on That London yet.

London and other Irish cities in the UK will be spared.

 

[Edie]

My post was a thought experiment; I'm not really an aspirant tyrannical, fascist dictator!

Are you sure

 

[Smokeandsteam]

Scrotes who get on the bus and refuse to pay - making the rest of us wait for 15 minutes as the driver turns the engine off and calls the cops - will be tied up in prominent public places and passers by instructed to boot them in the bollocks.

 

[brogdale]

Anyone who wears glasses, has books in their house or stayed at school past 16 gets sent to camps around Abergavenny.

That already exists; have you not been to GreenMan?

 

[SpookyFrank]

Surprised no one has unleashed a wave of terror on That London yet.

London is its own punishment.

 

[MickiQ]

Anyone who wears glasses, has books in their house or stayed at school past 16 gets sent to camps around Abergavenny.

Other than the send to Abergavenny bit (even they were not that brutal) wasn't this the approach tried by the Khmer Rouge?

 

[brogdale]

Other than the send to Abergavenny bit (even they were not that brutal) wasn't this the approach tried by the Khmer Rouge?

It's year zero in here, pal.

 

[A380]

Other than the send to Abergavenny bit (even they were not that brutal) wasn't this the approach tried by the Khmer Rouge?

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

 

[LDC]

...invest the money in coastal defences for the East of England.

Why would we want to defend the East of England?

 

[JimW]

I’d make everyone submit their ideas of what they would do if they were dictator, and any I didn’t like I’d have the person deported and installed as dictator of some other country such as France, or South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands.

This is essentially how liberal historiography characterises the Hundred Flowers episode in the early years of the PRC. It was followed in short order by the Anti-Rightist campaign.

 

[Flavour]

Why would we want to defend the East of England?

Sea level rise of just 5 meters, which is not at all unlikely to happen, would leave much of Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk and the East Riding of Yorkshire underwater. Even if you don't particularly like people from the East of England, you can be sure refugees from these areas would be clogging up the tent cities in the rest of the country. Nobody wants that.

 

[ElizabethofYork]

Divert funding into a time machine project, get some nukes, aim them at the oppressors 800 years ago and hope for the best.

Ghengis Khan?

 

[SpookyFrank]

Sea level rise of just 5 meters, which is not at all unlikely to happen, would leave much of Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk and the East Riding of Yorkshire underwater. Even if you don't particularly like people from the East of England, you can be sure refugees from these areas would be clogging up the tent cities in the rest of the country. Nobody wants that.

That area represents a big chunk of the UK's decent crop growing land as well. With sea level rises and assorted other calamities affecting food security around the world, with protectionism likely to increase as a result, it's an area we can ill afford to sacrifice to Poseidon.

The old town of Lincoln would be quite nice as an island though. The low-lying bits of the town are nothing to write home about anyway.

 

[SpookyFrank]

I’d make everyone submit their ideas of what they would do if they were dictator, and any I didn’t like I’d have the person deported and installed as dictator of some other country such as France, or South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands.

This is, more or less, exactly what happened with Edward VIII.

 

[planetgeli]

That area represents a big chunk of the UK's decent crop growing land as well. With sea level rises and assorted other calamities affecting food security around the world, with protectionism likely to increase as a result, it's an area we can ill afford to sacrifice to Poseidon.

The old town of Lincoln would be quite nice as an island though. The low-lying bits of the town are nothing to write home about anyway.

Liked for recognising that East Anglia provides much of our food, one of the most intensively farmed areas of the UK. Lincoln can go fuck itself though. Isn't the prison on top of the hill there?

 

[A380]

Why would we want to defend the East of England?

Because it's the most important bit. Oliver Cromwell's home and heartland to the New Model Army. If it wasn't for us the rest of you would still be bowing down before an absolute monarch. Besides, where else you going to get your sugar beet from?

Eastern Counties to be declared the home of the third British revolution and the other People's Departments to pay tribute to us. Except for South Essex, they can go fuck themselves.

Also the great injustice of U75 not having an "Eastern" sub forum to be addressed and that section to be top of the home page, even ahead of the Bandwidth thread.

 

[elbows]

I'd give a speech so long that Castro would lose his place in the Guinness book of records, and then I would publicly hang myself as a lesson to those who have funny ideas about becoming dictators.

 

[LDC]

I'd enact a ten year plan to make the UK carbon neutral, self sufficient in food and power generation, reforest a fuck tonne of the country, start a national service scheme, free education and basic services, seize second homes and re-purpose loads of offices etc. as housing. Some kind of war like climate and social crisis economy. It'd be painful in the short term, but much better longer term.

 

[elbows]

Perhaps before hanging myself I would find time to ensure that Public Health England mounted a hostile takeover of the Daily Telegraph.