If you were dictator of the UK

[moomoo]

I'd also pass a law that states any man that walks around with his hand down the front of his trackies should be castrated.

I’d make it a law that people could only wear tracksuits if they were actually doing sport.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

I’d make it a law that people could only wear tracksuits if they were actually doing sport.

Especially da yoot in their grey ones, most of whom don't know why they are wearing them.

 

[BigMoaner]

i would turn the river thames into a river of custard so the people will always have desert. praise god

 

[moochedit]

I’d make it a law that people could only wear tracksuits if they were actually doing sport.

You monster think of all the tracksuit factory staff that would be laid off

 

[moomoo]

You monster think of all the tracksuit factory staff that would be laid off

They can work in the new suit factories that will be opening up.

 

[SpookyFrank]

I’d make it a law that people could only wear tracksuits if they were actually doing sport.

I'd ban this kind of shit:



...for anyone not currently competing in the Tour de France. It's getting so there are places where you can't turn your head without getting yet another eyeful of middle-aged moose knuckle.

 

[Cloo]

Formal education doesn't start until age 6 with affordable childcare until then

Yeah, probably some kind of universal income - definitely scrapping any punitive benefits system and instead set up a system centered on the shocking belief that people generally want to work, and giving lots of support for people to train in shortage skills, including earn-while-you-lean and/or free or heavily subsidised childcare

Everyone learns vocational skills in school until at least 18

Rejoin EU

Build shitloads of good quality social housing, including and especially in city centres

Also build some sort of government backed affordable housing for retired people because no one seems to be doing anything about the fact that in a few decades we're going to get loads of retired people who won't own homes and whose pension won't cover renting anywhere.

Just tax the wealthy a lot more - people like me could honestly afford to pay more per month with no perceptable hit on our lifestyle, people even richer than me could pay a lot more and really not fucking notice.

Windfall tax on various mega deals.

 

[Saul Goodman]

i would turn the river thames into a river of custard so the people will always have desert. praise god

That'd make for an excellent Olympic sport. The non-Newtonian fluid race... You stop you sink.

 

[krtek a houby]

Emotional support animals and suicide booths for all.

 

[ItWillNeverWork]

Emotional support animals and suicide booths for all.

Somewhat mixed messaging there

 

[Dogsauce]

Ban the manufacturers of Swiss Army type knives from claiming that a ‘lanyard ring’ is a blade/function. Fuck blade inflation.

Introduce a 99p coin (pinched that one of the MRLP admittedly)

Rebuild the Somerset and Dorset railway by hand using the forced labour of former private landlords.

Lock Farage in a shipping container then forget where it is.

Legalise citizens right to self defence against chip-stealing seagulls.

a citizens assembly, to be funded through the confiscation and sale of all assets owned by current serving MPs and Lords.

 

[Saul Goodman]

Legalise citizens right to self defence against chip-stealing seagulls.

Praise the great exalted dictator.

 

[krtek a houby]

Somewhat mixed messaging there

Do not question the dictator

 

[cupid_stunt]

Yeah.

Essex, Sussex, Cheshire, Buckinghamshire, Berkshire and Surrey.

That doesn't work, as Sussex is not a county, you ignorant twat.

 

[cupid_stunt]

PS - and hasn't been since the Local Government Act 1888, resulting in both East Sussex and West Sussex getting their own elected county councils the following year.

Believe me, us in West Sussex don't want anything to do with those weirdos over the border, in the east.

 

[A380]

That doesn't work, as Sussex is not a county, you ignorant twat.

I think you will find it's a Historic County. Just cos it has nobby local authorities is neither here nor there...

 

[planetgeli]

That doesn't work, as Sussex is not a county, you ignorant twat.

Tell that to the cricket county championship.

 

[eatmorecheese]

PS - and hasn't been since the Local Government Act 1888, resulting in both East Sussex and West Sussex getting their own elected county councils the following year.

Believe me, us in West Sussex don't want anything to do with those weirdos over the border, in the east.

I don't give a flying fuck as long as I can abolish Crawley

 

[BigMoaner]

Forced labour for 20 years, helping improve infrastructure, for anyone over the age of 8 who uses the word "yummy".

 

[likesfish]

Bring back conscription.
but your guaranteed free education. If you don't want to play soldiers, The National Care service will welcome you or the National Infrastructure service see no reason to spend cash on capita etc when the government can directly employ people to build roads hospitals schools homes etc.
conscripts do a year and go off with enough credits for a degree or similar course or they can sign up for professional apprenticeship etc.
The NHS gets its own leadership colleges.
utilities and railways etc get nationalised and then placed in some form of arms-length trust system so they can't be used as cash cows by the government

 

[planetgeli]

There's some real liberal shit in this thread.

1 Ban all religion except the worship of me. This is basic stuff.

2 Ban sand and the enjoyment of sand. Bourgeois pursuit. Penalty death. Children not exempt. I am exempt.

 

[BigMoaner]

Bring back conscription.
but your guaranteed free education. If you don't want to play soldiers, The National Care service will welcome you or the National Infrastructure service see no reason to spend cash on capita etc when the government can directly employ people to build roads hospitals schools homes etc.
conscripts do a year and go off with enough credits for a degree or similar course or they can sign up for professional apprenticeship etc.
The NHS gets its own leadership colleges.
utilities and railways etc get nationalised and then placed in some form of arms-length trust system so they can't be used as cash cows by the government

What about cyclists tho?

 

[cupid_stunt]

What about cyclists tho?

Not worth wasting bullets, just hang them.

 

[BigMoaner]

I'd ban this kind of shit:

View attachment 282845

...for anyone not currently competing in the Tour de France. It's getting so there are places where you can't turn your head without getting yet another eyeful of middle-aged moose knuckle.

are you sure banning will be enough? looking at him, i would find it very hard not to have him lay railways, free of charge.

 

[Yossarian]

2 Ban sand

Done - there was some grumbling from spokespeople for the cement and glass industries; their families have been sent a bill for the bullets.

 

[planetgeli]

Done - there was some grumbling from spokespeople for the cement and glass industries; their families have been sent a bill for the bullets.

This is how it's done people

 

[fucthest8]

This is how it's done people

I had Yossarian hung for wasting bullets.
All hail planetgeli

 

[Steel Icarus]

So many do-gooder ideas,using a position of supreme power to benefit others. They sure don't make dictators like they used to.
I'd impose penalties from bastinado to the brazen bull for crimes such as eating crisps near any other person, owning Celine Dion records, not liking dogs, impoliteness, vulgar tattoos, racism, undercuts, liquorice, videogames that are too hard, etc etc. Legalise polygamy for me only so I can stay married to Mrs SI but also marry Charlotte Church, Dina Asher-Smith, Holly Johnson and Adore Delano. Divert whatever monies are necessary into inventing a cheeseburger that tastes like a cheeseburger but is good for you and wine that is good for the liver. Build the tallest building in the world as my palace with a trapdoor that sends my enemies into a far-below pit of zombie rats, in fact on fire zombie rats. Only brass band music elegible for the charts. Reintroduction of Texan bars at the size I remember. Abolishing the army and police but having a massive death ray I can target anyone with.

 

[planetgeli]

I had Yossarian hung for wasting bullets.
All hail planetgeli

You will be rewarded with...pineapples and shit, I dunno, whatever we've got hanging around not going too manky.

 

[planetgeli]

So many do-gooder ideas,using a position of supreme power to benefit others. They sure don't make dictators like they used to.
I'd impose penalties from bastinado to the brazen bull for crimes such as eating crisps near any other person, owning Celine Dion records, not liking dogs, impoliteness, vulgar tattoos, racism, undercuts, liquorice, videogames that are too hard, etc etc. Legalise polygamy for me only so I can stay married to Mrs SI but also marry Charlotte Church, Dina Asher-Smith, Holly Johnson and Adore Delano. Divert whatever monies are necessary into inventing a cheeseburger that tastes like a cheeseburger but is good for you and wine that is good for the liver. Build the tallest building in the world as my palace with a trapdoor that sends my enemies into a far-below pit of zombie rats, in fact on fire zombie rats. Only brass band music elegible for the charts. Reintroduction of Texan bars at the size I remember. Abolishing the army and police but having a massive death ray I can target anyone with.

I was so with you up until the brass band bit. On everything.

But it's the Gulags for you.