If you were dictator of the UK

[cupid_stunt]

Yes this. Also cull all spiders and wasps.

and farmerbarleymow would be forced to sing christmas carols at my inaugeration ceremony

Planned for the hottest day of the year, I trust?

 

[BigMoaner]

The farmlands around vast cities will be turned into the Killing Fields of those who talk on their mobile phones on trains.

 

[moochedit]

The farmlands around vast cities will be turned into the Killing Fields of those who talk on their mobile phones on trains.

Do people still do that? Would have thought they would all be typing messages on whatsapp, etc these days.

 

[tonysingh]

Yes this. Also cull all spiders and wasps.

and farmerbarleymow would be forced to sing christmas carols at my inaugeration ceremony

Evil bastard.

 

[Artaxerxes]

Do people still do that? Would have thought they would all be typing messages on whatsapp, etc these days.

They talk and video call on WhatsApp now

Cunts

 

[Raheem]

Make being in or out of the EU a matter of personal preference.

 

[Yossarian]

Massive campaign of building social housing.
Large and backdated public sector pay rises.
Public transport nationalised and free.
Private healthcare and all fees for education banned, with the former site of Eton turned into the Museum of Inequality.
All Crown lands sold off with the proceeds used to pay reparations for slavery and other imperial-era crimes.
Wetherspoons nationalised as part of a program to provide the elderly with subsidised food and beer.
Nigel Farage sentenced to paint huge "REFUGEES WELCOME HERE" message on the cliffs of Dover - by the time he's finished the last 'E,' it'll be time to do the 'R' again.
Diego Garcia returned to original inhabitants after US military is evicted.
Campanula appointed as Commissar for Agriculture, Pickman's Model in charge of resettling former members of the royal family.

 

[BigMoaner]

Massive campaign of building social housing.
Large and backdated public sector pay rises.
Public transport nationalised and free.
Private healthcare and all fees for education banned, with the former site of Eton turned into the Museum of Inequality.
All Crown lands sold off with the proceeds used to pay reparations for slavery and other imperial-era crimes.
Wetherspoons nationalised as part of a program to provide the elderly with subsidised food and beer.
Nigel Farage sentenced to paint huge "REFUGEES WELCOME HERE" message on the cliffs of Dover - by the time he's finished the last 'E,' it'll be time to do the 'R' again.
Diego Garcia returned to original inhabitants after US military is evicted.
Campanula appointed as Commissar for Agriculture, Pickman's Model in charge of resettling former members of the royal family.

yes please

 

[Badgers]

All #ToryScum and their voters killed
Total wealth redistribution
Universal Income
All off shore banking illegal
Land ownership cancelled
All building to be state owned and developed
Council tax trebled on second homes
Stamp duty increased to 50% on second homes



Also...

Pineapple banned from pizza

 

[weltweit]

Also...

Pineapple banned from pizza

There will be a rebellion

Pineapple is made for pizza !!

 

[Badgers]

A train ticket is never to cost more than the petrol for driving the same journey.

Free public transport funded by massive taxes on private vehicle ownership

 

[Badgers]

Disband the house of Lords and the commons. End the Royal family.

 

[BigMoaner]

I'd bomb the internet probably after a while.

 

[brogdale]

End the Royal family.

Come on Badgers...you can give us a much more gory, detailed explanation of exactly how that goal will be achieved.

 

[LeytonCatLady]

1) Rent cap.

2) Universal Basic Income for all.

3) Abolish tax breaks for the wealthy.

4) Abolish PSPOs and on the spot fines and stop giving councils so much power which is often misused. There's already existing laws to deal with the minority of people who are genuinely antisocial without criminalising homeless people, buskers or kids hanging out based on what some busybody thinks "might" happen, or just plain snobbery; and creating unnecessary work for law enforcement (by which I mean proper police with proper powers of arrest, not jumped up council jobsworths in a reflective tabard) who already have more than enough actual crime on their plates.

5) Equalise age of majority across the board, as I personally think if at 16 you're deemed responsible enough to have a baby, you should be trusted to drink/vote etc. If people are treated like sensible adults, they're more likely to behave accordingly.

6) Make it so employers can only sack you if you've actually done something wrong that they can back up. None of this "Your face just didn't fit" bollocks.

7) All murderers and rapists should get life and stop imprisoning people for non-violent crime.

8) Oh yeah, and I'd make it illegal to video-call someone unannounced. It should be considered as vile an invasion of privacy as just walking into someone's house uninvited!

 

[MickiQ]

Pineapple banned from pizza

Sorry Badgers some policies are just too extreme to contemplate

 

[Saul Goodman]

I'd ban all Brexit threads.

 

[Dandred]

Shoot all Brexit voters on sight.

 

[not-bono-ever]

About 2000 public executions timetabled. I expect to commute most of them after a mao inspired cultural revolution style struggle session of indeterminate duration. I am not a monster after all

 

[not-bono-ever]

Ten Point Plan

1. Ban coriander.
2. Make jazz compulsory.
3. Free pizzas for all.
4. Massive investment into research and development of vegan cheese that actually tastes nice.
5. A free espresso bar on every street, more on long ones.
6. Ban the use of the word “nom”.
7. Abolish my excess weight.
8. Find a cure for hangovers.
9. Abolish unfitted bottom sheets.
10. Self-cleaning homes for all.

This sounds like communism:-(

 

[mojo pixy]

Separate London from the rest of the UK and make it rejoin the EU, then dig it out of the ground and mount it on a stand in the North Sea, just off the coast of Denmark. Let the hole be known as Brexit Pond, but there are to be no lifebelts at the water's edge. Once you fall in, you cannot get out (this is very important as a lesson to future generations).

We join Iceland, Eire, the Azores, Canaries and Bermuda and re-brand as Atlantis. We fix the mid-atlantic trash island by gluing massive pieces of it together into movable plastic islands. Using these as a base, we exploit our oceangoing know-how to sail the seas, clearing up trash and using it all to build a tower to space.

To fund this heroic lifestyle, every year we find the richest 100 people and take everything from them, make them start again with the clothes they stand up in, and make it a reality show.

Chaise Longue is still the national anthem, but only till we finish the tower to space. Then it becomes the theme tune from Blake's Seven.

 

[Saul Goodman]

Separate London from the rest of the UK and make it rejoin the EU, then dig it out of the ground and mount .

Or just cut it away, tow it out to sea and sink it. Put it out of everyone's misery.

 

[mojo pixy]

Or just cut it away, tow it out to sea and sink it. Put it out of everyone's misery.

((((((marine life))))))

 

[ItWillNeverWork]

Shoot all Brexit voters on sight.

 

[Mation]

I would implement my hugely unpopular - due to being misunderstood, or understood but nevertheless hugely unpopular - policy of paying people for work according to some age/stage-related unit, regardless of what people do.

Age: 19; Job: shop assistant; salary: £19k.
Age: 19; Job: medical student; salary: £19k.
Age: 19; Job: municipal gardener; salary: £19k.

Age: 26; Job: shop assistant; salary: £26k.
Age: 26; Job: medic; salary: £26k.
Age: 26; Job: municipal gardener; salary: £26k.

Etc. Up to a cap of, e.g. 50-60 years/units.

This system on grounds that it's stupid to couple work/training/expertise with money, and better to allow people to do what they'd prefer to, rather than what pays most.

This could all be done without money altogether, but would probably incur even more whining from people who think they should be allowed to show their worth through spending.

 

[ItWillNeverWork]

I would implement my hugely unpopular - due to being misunderstood, or understood but nevertheless hugely unpopular - policy of paying people for work according to some age/stage-related unit, regardless of what people do.

Age: 19; Job: shop assistant; salary: £19k.
Age: 19; Job: medical student; salary: £19k.
Age: 19; Job: municipal gardener; salary: £19k.

Age: 26; Job: shop assistant; salary: £26k.
Age: 26; Job: medic; salary: £26k.
Age: 26; Job: municipal gardener; salary: £26k.

Etc. Up to a cap of, e.g. 50-60 years/units.

This system on grounds that it's stupid to couple work/training/expertise with money, and better to allow people to do what they'd prefer to, rather than what pays most.

This could all be done without money altogether, but would probably incur even more whining from people who think they should be allowed to show their worth through spending.

What if there was a shortage in applications for a particular job? How would you entice people in?

 

[beesonthewhatnow]

There’d be one hell of a purge, put it that way.

 

[Aladdin]

First thing I'd do would be to hand the 6 counties back to Ireland.

 

[danny la rouge]

First thing I'd do would be to hand the 6 counties back to Ireland.

OK.

11. Hand 6 counties back to Ireland. But don’t say which 6.

 

[Mation]

What if there was a shortage in applications for a particular job? How would you entice people in?

You wouldn't. If there's a job, it either needs doing or it doesn't. If it does someone will want or feel they need to do it. If not, not.