If you were dictator of the UK

[weltweit]

On a wholly practical note I would abolish national insurance contributions and lump that sum back with income tax where it rightly should be anyhow because it is just a tax.

 

[mojo pixy]

Isn't that how it's already played?

Only by people whose headache threshold is already abnormally high.

 

[Supine]

1 child policy
Ban all tourists from Cumbria
Nobody can own more than two properties
Turn Kent into a cannabis farm

 

[steveo87]

Develop faster than light travel (or research a way around it), colonise Mars.

Rename Boris Johnson 'Ian', and have him live at the end of Margate Pier (assuming margate has a pier, if not ill build one).

Relegate Man City, relocate Man United to London.
Rename Arsenal back to Woolwich.


Rename the last six days in April Arse1, Arse2, Arse3 etc.


E2a legalise drugs, with a robust care system behind it, to treat addiction, not penalise it.

 

[platinumsage]

Right but if nobody is playing golf on it then its just a park isn't it.

No it's a park that golfers get angry about because they're not allowed to play golf in it, despite it being an actual golf course.

 

[Edie]

Make public transport free and awesome. Like 120 mile an hour buses between towns..

Give everyone a free 1.5 hour lunch break to eat, lounge or do as they wish.

Ban meal deals. There will be no boost bars and fanta and crisps for lunch under my watch. Instead there will be healthy People's Cafeterias with my glorious portrait on the wall, obvs.

Provide free 3d printing spaces for spare parts so that stuff can be fixed instead of thrown away.

Make the Royals swear an oath of allegiance to me and put them on reality TV shows for public amusement.

Blast James Dyson, Philip Green and Richard Branson into space in a penis shaped rocket. One way trip.

You’ve definitely got the right idea

 

[AmateurAgitator]

Believe me, if I were dicator
You know what I'd do! ?
Come to think of it,
There's a problem there
For aspiring tyrants like me and you...

Ever wonder what it'd really be like
To be your own dicator
Might be it's own kind of prison
Of total fear

Can't make love or go anywhere
Without bodyguards in your hair
Never know which trusted friend
Has plans to blow you away

3, 000 pairs of shoes
No one to talk to
'Nuff guns to kill everyone you own
The masses act so loyal
Yet you can't sleep in the same place twice
I wouldn't want to be a Noriega or Khadafi
Would you?

[Chorus:]
Power is boring
Power is boring
Power is boring

And ya know, I wonder how
The downtown crowd can stand themselves
Look sharp
Play to win
Through intimidation

That person at the next desk
Ain't your friend
He's your competitor
The only way to get promoted first
Is to get him first
Or else

Hi ho whadya know
They all got the same plan for you
Where do these people go
Between their daily meals of work
Too burnt and stressed
To even think of how to spend the money
No one to show it to
But people just like me-Agh!

[Chorus:]

Hot damn, we're the headliners at last
Gonna show this scene a thing or two
Play games and help our friends
Now the phone rings all the time
It's all you fault
"You've been crowned king
Of what you used to warn us about"

Why play that game at all?
The ones who want the power that bad
Are missing something in their lives
Being scared of my friends
In a junta, scene or business world
Is the most miserable existence
I could think of on earth

Jello Biafra - Power Is Boring lyrics | LyricsFreak

www.lyricsfreak.com

 

[JuanTwoThree]

1 child policy
Ban all tourists from Cumbria
Nobody can own more than two properties
Turn Kent into a cannabis farm

Sounds good. Kent would be my other property.

Explain 'Ban all tourists from Cumbria' Is that 'coming from' or 'from going to'?

 

[A380]

1 child policy
Ban all tourists from Cumbria
Nobody can own more than two properties
Turn Kent into a cannabis farm

Couldn’t agree more. Stop those Cumbrian tourists cluttering up the rest of the UK.

 

[A380]

No real change to current machinery of government except to establish a gulag on one of the Western Isles where people who say ‘pacific’ when they mean ‘specific’ would be sent for punishment and re-education.

 

[tony.c]

Cull city and inland seagulls.

 

[Riklet]

Long term borrow all land owned by those with more than 5 million in assets for a rewilding project, with the aim of reducing environmental impact from agriculture and increasing wildlife diversity. Well paid high quality jobs will be created in the process. They will be offered tax breaks on their other businesses etc. It's that, or deportation, sorry Kulaks.

Increase number of bank holidays to 15, including several which will be both a Friday and a Monday (in my honour). Make sure more stuff in closed on a bank holiday aside from essential and leisure services (ice-cream).

Implement a progressive housing system where the aim is for flats (and then houses) to become partially collectively owned by the building/neighbours/street over time. Ie, a proportion of rent or purchase goes into a fund, which is then used to help those who want to rent/purchase in that building. The aim would be to minimise construction of new housing or building "social housing" and maximise the potential of what already exists, without immediately restricting private letting etc. It would be modelled on the system in Denmark, but would be more progressive. All empty residential property would be included in the scheme.

 

[Edie]

I’d also massively de centralise power. The High and Crown Courts would be based in Bradford. Parliament would be moved to Stoke. And the BBC would continue to be based completely in Salford and Truro. National collections like Kew, and the major museums and galleries would be distributed to towns.

Scotland, Wales and N Ireland would have completely devolved powers.

 

[SpookyFrank]

I’d also massively de centralise power. The High and Crown Courts would be based in Bradford. Parliament would be moved to Stoke. And the BBC would continue to be based completely in Salford and Truro. National collections like Kew, and the major museums and galleries would be distributed to towns.

Scotland, Wales and N Ireland would have completely devolved powers.

Move the Giant's Causeway to Huddersfield. Move Stonehenge to Peterborough. Move Land's End inland so more people can visit it.

Move the M4 to the isle of Bute. Turn Swindon upside down and move the pennines 35 degrees clockwise. Outsource Wales to Poland.

 

[campanula]

abolish private property in favour of local parish councils - housing needs met for all
free lifelong learning
dismantle national curriculum
local creative hubs for art, music, making things
farming reform - no monocultures, return to older systems such as Norfolk 4 course
de=globalise (?) the horticulture industry - only locally raised plants.
wage equalisation with higher wages for socially necessary jobs (such as care, education)
community childcare
return to at least 30% mixed woodland cover with wildlife corridors and hedgerows
nationalised energy, transport with emphasis on renewables
abolish fast fashions, emphasis on local clothing manufacturing

 

[Supine]

Sounds good. Kent would be my other property.

Explain 'Ban all tourists from Cumbria' Is that 'coming from' or 'from going to'?

The Lake District will become my own personal playground. No visitors allowed

 

[JuanTwoThree]

one of the Western Isles where people who say ‘pacific’

You could choose one between Asia and The Americas. That would be a specific place in the Pacific

 

[purenarcotic]

The downside is the compulsory Jazz though.

I like jazz

 

[A380]

Move the Giant's Causeway to Huddersfield. Move Stonehenge to Peterborough. Move Land's End inland so more people can visit it.

Move the M4 to the isle of Bute. Turn Swindon upside down and move the pennines 35 degrees clockwise. Outsource Wales to Poland.

Sensible policies for a better Britain.

 

[A380]

I like jazz

To the gulag with you.

 

[moomoo]

I like jazz

I’m not a fan. I’d rather take my chances with coriander.

 

[Saul Goodman]

I like jazz

Not on my watch.

 

[The39thStep]

I always thought that Enver Hoxha's ban on beards had its merits tbh

 

[Saul Goodman]

I always thought that Enver Hoxha's ban on beards had its merits tbh

Definitely! Beards have no place in a civilised society.

 

[xenon]

All golf courses turned to allotments. For a start. Slowly wind down intensive animal farming and replace with mixed arable crops and small scale animal farming alongside that. Invest and develop in aquaculture. Grants for community orchards and growing projects. Government advertising campaign to eat UK grown and reared food, and slowly try and change the expectation that all foods are available all year. Project of massive reforestation of areas that were previously farmed, the youth can do a year of tree planting for that as an option for their national service if they want, and then reintroduction of beavers, wolves, etc.

Just jumping off from your post. I've mentioned this before. But communal cantines. Using locally grown food. A place to learn about growing, raising and preparing food. Cheaper than restaurants, with a limited range of fairly basic but tasty healthy fare.

It comes to mind as it seems daft that thousands of single and really CBA with cooking and shopping, people like me, cooking in their small kitchens, wasting food, all those separate electric ovens being used. I'd quite like to rock up to a place like this of an evening. Not every night but you know.

not very dictatorial... Erm

So also arm and train the populas.
Death penalty for domestic burglars.
Nationalise core industries, energy, water, transport, some farming.
Massive expansion of hydro power.
Airships... Something about airships and freight
Outlaw the acquisition of dwellings for capital gain.
Actually what mojo pixy said re land and property.

I quite like Edie's national service ideas too. But make sure it's extended to disabled people too, where practical. And maybe up the age limit a bit. I honestly would have quite liked to have done something, learned a new skill, been given something useful to do in my post uni unemployment days.


I feel the need to say something stupid as it all feels a bit worthy... Giant gas powered military hoevercraft as my personal transport. Black helicopters, drones, look alike decoys, ruthlessly loyal and effective band of revolutionary guard, a castle or 2. I want all that stuff, probably.

 

[souljacker]

No it's a park that golfers get angry about because they're not allowed to play golf in it, despite it being an actual golf course.

I quite like this idea. I also think we should have regular days when we tell all the golfers they can play again. Then when they all turn up, we tell them they can't based on really spurious reasons like "Sorry, no blue shoe laces allowed on Tuesdays" or "no short haired golfers allowed on a wednesday between 3pm and 9pm.".

 

[campanula]

There are still quite a few municiple golf courses. Daughter and Grand-daughter found a set of golf clubs in Lion wood and spent many enjoyable lockdown days playing golf on a local course. Normally, it costs £3 to hire a set of clubs and play as long as you like. It's not for me but they had fun.

 

[Aladdin]

3 day working week.
3 day leisure for all
1 day community work of any kind so long as it helps others or environment. Examples...building neighbourhood homes...helping elderly....etc.

Everyone gets a home and an allotment for veg etc.
Everyone taught how to grow their own veg and fruit and also all about hydroponics.

Every home is made energy efficient with solar panels, insulation, double glazing and electic heating systems.

Every coastal area to harness the waves for energy. And millions of windmills all along the coast for energy production.

Education moves online for all.... and also changes to allow much smaller groups on site once a week for individual and small group learning..

Every home has excellent broadband and free education packages for all online.

Society will become completely inclusive and also NO part of the country will have a monopoly on house prices.

All homes valued at one price per category. So 2 bed apartment never more than x.
3 bed house never more than y.
Anyone owning 4+ bed house must have >3 persons living there.

Encourage people to move back into villages and towns and countryside and out of cities.

Incentivise buying local produce by ensuring that investment goes into local producers and finding new ways to grow foods of all types.

All food prices standardised. All local food prices subsidised.

Encourage more to work from home most of the time. (It will only be for 3 days a week so...not too difficult)

Discover self cleaning EVERYTHING. Including clothing so nobody buys more than x amount of clothing per year.

Long life foods (through natural processes)

Transport when needed arrives at your door automatically. And the destination is set electronically. No driver.
Cost is a monthly minimum contribution for 50 trips per month.

Everyone gets a bike.
Bike lanes both sides of all roads.
Walking lanes inside bike lanes.
Buses wont exist. Because pandemics will require people to travel in their own bubbles.
Cars separate lanes.


No borders.
No boundaries.
All the planet runs the same everywhere.

No crime. Because everyone has enough.
No flashy cars or extravagances allowed.
Everyone wears all one colour...whichever they like.
All clothing is made from cloth that keeps you warm in cold weather and cool in hot weather...is also waterproof and self cleaning..

 

[ElizabethofYork]

What would your priorities be?

I would insist on wearing a diamond tiara, and having a large selection of sparkly dresses.

 

[MickiQ]

Lots of great ideas here people, keep them coming when my plan to seize power comes to fruition and I become World Emperor, I will refer back to this thread for my manifesto.