If you were dictator of the UK

[mojo pixy]

Bring back Tiswas

Or .. Why don't you .. why don't you .. Why don't you .. why don't you .. Why don't you .. turn off the TV, nationalise all essential services, foster equity by levelling wages across society, extend the voting franchise to everyone who can read a ballot paper, dismantle capitalism and do something less boring instead?

(Theme tune needs a little work...)

 

[cupid_stunt]

Reintroduce fox hunting, just for one more kill...

Spoiler: ...

Laurence Fox

 

[SpookyFrank]

What are we gonna do about farming? I’ve only watched three episodes of Clarksons Farm so far so don’t feel quite qualified to say. Something about local, small, good animal free range conditions, and organic right?

Will we all starve tho? Will we ban imported food for the sake of the environment?

We'd all starve if we ate meat at the rate we do now, and kept all the animals genuinely free range. There'd be no land left to grow crops to feed the animals, never mind the humans.

It follows that if you eat meat, even if you only eat happy animals from nice scenic farms with impeccable welfare standards, you are still complicit in factory farming.

 

[weltweit]

Ban private schools.

[But I am not sure yet what to do with them. ]

 

[weltweit]

A train ticket is never to cost more than the petrol for driving the same journey.

 

[SpookyFrank]

If I was dictator I'd impose a new tax on buy to let landlords. I'd tax them from around about the C7 vertebra upwards.

 

[AmateurAgitator]

Turn Buckingham Palace into a great block of social housing.

Build a fuck ton more social housing.

All Golf Courses to choose between being closed and left to rewild or thrown open to the public for 2 days a week. You can golf if you really fucking want but no more can you hog a vast tract of land for a tiny number of people to hit a small little ball arond. Kids should be able to play on the damn things, dogs walk on them.

You could build homes on the golf courses, but yeah I'm sure there is all sorts of things you could do with them.

 

[danny la rouge]

Ten Point Plan

1. Ban coriander.
2. Make jazz compulsory.
3. Free pizzas for all.
4. Massive investment into research and development of vegan cheese that actually tastes nice.
5. A free espresso bar on every street, more on long ones.
6. Ban the use of the word “nom”.
7. Abolish my excess weight.
8. Find a cure for hangovers.
9. Abolish unfitted bottom sheets.
10. Self-cleaning homes for all.

 

[weltweit]

A train ticket is never to cost more than the petrol for driving the same journey.

And, if there are 2 3 or 4 of you travelling together, your combined ticket price should not exceed the cost of petrol for driving that same journey.

 

[platinumsage]

People seem to have a thing about golf courses, so I'd create a lot more of them, demolishing ugly blocks of flats to do so. I'd ban golf though, so people can go for walks across the golf courses without being shouted at or hit by golf balls.

 

[Kevbad the Bad]

Step 1. get rid of the rule that limits my dictatorship to ten years. Now I'm dictator for life.

Step 2. ban professional football.

Step 3. there's no step 3 yet. After all I've got a lifetime to decide what to do next.

That lifetime might be quite short once the footie supporters get their hands on you.

 

[purenarcotic]

Ten Point Plan

1. Ban coriander.
2. Make jazz compulsory.
3. Free pizzas for all.
4. Massive investment into research and development of vegan cheese that actually tastes nice.
5. A free espresso bar on every street, more on long ones.
6. Ban the use of the word “nom”.
7. Abolish my excess weight.
8. Find a cure for hangovers.
9. Abolish unfitted bottom sheets.
10. Self-cleaning homes for all.

You’ve got my vote on the coriander ban. And the free pizza. Sign me up.

 

[Saul Goodman]

People seem to have a thing about golf courses, so I'd create a lot more of them, demolishing ugly blocks of flats to do so. I'd ban golf though, so people can go for walks across the golf courses without being shouted at or hit by golf balls.

I'd build more golf courses and convert them into motocross tracks.

 

[weltweit]

I would expel all members of the house of lords and replace them with people picked at random who would serve a single 4 year term.

 

[DotCommunist]

People seem to have a thing about golf courses, so I'd create a lot more of them, demolishing ugly blocks of flats to do so. I'd ban golf though, so people can go for walks across the golf courses without being shouted at or hit by golf balls.

Right but if nobody is playing golf on it then its just a park isn't it.

 

[moomoo]

You’ve got my vote on the coriander ban. And the free pizza. Sign me up.

The downside is the compulsory Jazz though.

 

[Artaxerxes]

Ten Point Plan

1. Ban coriander.
2. Make jazz compulsory.
3. Free pizzas for all.
4. Massive investment into research and development of vegan cheese that actually tastes nice.
5. A free espresso bar on every street, more on long ones.
6. Ban the use of the word “nom”.
7. Abolish my excess weight.
8. Find a cure for hangovers.
9. Abolish unfitted bottom sheets.
10. Self-cleaning homes for all.

I will fight you in the hills.

 

[danny la rouge]

I will fight you in the hills.

After your deportation? I think not.

If you like coriander so much, you can go and live there.

 

[SpookyFrank]

8. Find a cure for hangovers.

Drink less.

 

[danny la rouge]

Drink less.

That’s a prevention. I propose a cure.

 

[SpookyFrank]

That’s a prevention. I propose a cure.

Morphine.

 

[danny la rouge]

Morphine.

Now you’re onto something. You can be my health minister.

 

[pug]

I'd build more golf courses and convert them into motocross tracks.wa

I'd like motocross, mountain biking, paragliding and paintball all in one place along with golf, clay pigeon shooting and that stupid walking with sticks thing.

 

[danny la rouge]

I'd like motocross, mountain biking, paragliding and paintball all in one place along with golf, clay pigeon shooting and that stupid walking with sticks thing.

And that place should be France.

 

[Riklet]

Make public transport free and awesome. Like 120 mile an hour buses between towns..

Give everyone a free 1.5 hour lunch break to eat, lounge or do as they wish.

Ban meal deals. There will be no boost bars and fanta and crisps for lunch under my watch. Instead there will be healthy People's Cafeterias with my glorious portrait on the wall, obvs.

Provide free 3d printing spaces for spare parts so that stuff can be fixed instead of thrown away.

Make the Royals swear an oath of allegiance to me and put them on reality TV shows for public amusement.

Blast James Dyson, Philip Green and Richard Branson into space in a penis shaped rocket. One way trip.

 

[Saul Goodman]

I'd like motocross, mountain biking, paragliding and paintball all in one place along with golf, clay pigeon shooting and that stupid walking with sticks thing.

Sorry, you don't get a choice, it's a dictatorship.

 

[Sue]

Ten Point Plan

1. Ban coriander.
2. Make jazz compulsory.
3. Free pizzas for all.
4. Massive investment into research and development of vegan cheese that actually tastes nice.
5. A free espresso bar on every street, more on long ones.
6. Ban the use of the word “nom”.
7. Abolish my excess weight.
8. Find a cure for hangovers.
9. Abolish unfitted bottom sheets.
10. Self-cleaning homes for all.

Apart from points 1 and 2, I am with you.

 

[mojo pixy]

I shall play all my compulsory jazz musick through an overdrive/distortion pedal, and whack the bass right up. Then i shall imagine I'm listening to technical death metal instead. And I shall cite the Augmented Human Rights act 2024 which acknowledges the inherent spiritual value of heavy metal musick, and places a statutory duty on local authorities to provide metal as an alternative to jazz, provided the relevant risk assessments have been completed.

 

[weltweit]

Punitive taxes for owners of Range Rover Sports - £40,000 pa paid to a redistribution fund to benefit people earning less than the national average income.

 

[Saul Goodman]

I shall play all my compulsory jazz musick through an overdrive/distortion pedal

Isn't that how it's already played?