See, that thing of being scared a bloke might turn on you if rejected was a thing I never got the memo about. Ditto, when I read things about how women change where they go, what they do because of fear of men is not something I ever felt, and I have wondered why. Obviously, there is the fact I have had the good fortune never to have been sexually assaulted, nor have I even been harassed much. There’s also, perhaps, that all my mates were male when I was a kid and I was very late to any kind of interest in sex (I relented and started when I was 21, more out of curiosity than anything else). I didn’t think of men as all that different to me and I generally assumed they weren’t sexually interested in me. I never thought much of it if a bloke talked to me; and if he came on to me I never thought anything of saying I wasn’t interested or I didn’t want to talk to them right now. Just did not occur to me to feel threatened and to not just tell them it wasn’t going anywhere.
This is not, of course, because ‘all women should be sensible like me and stop being neurotic’- I'm a bit weird like thatl it was my naivete, plus the fact very few men have ever come on to me (as far as I realised); and I guess I was fortunate that none of the guys I turned down ever was abusive or violent to me in response.
Can't love your post enough.
I grew up similarly to you, as an only girl in a house full of boys. Had both male and female friends all through school and it was never an issue. I was about 16 or 17 the first time I had a male friend want to keep our friendship secret because his girlfriend would be jealous, and I remember thinking how sad that was (for everyone involved) in 2003 that some people still think that way. We were in a band together and she knew about our male bandmates, so why was I different? (I managed to win her over after convincing him that lying to her would only confirm her fear that he was hiding something, and we all became good friends in the end). Of course, sometimes it's old-fashioned sexism (the "men and women can't be friends" myth), other times it could be just general insecurity and/or not trusting the person, whether that's due to their actual behaviour, or a bad experience with someone else.
I've mentioned the frustration of having bigger-than-average breasts and having random blokes talk down to you because of it, and some people, who mean well, misinterpret that as me being scared. No, I don't find it scary, I just find it fucking patronising! I mean, he wouldn't talk about his male acquaintance's dick all night because that would be weird. It makes me angry when some blokes do that, not because I'm intimidated or I think they'll try anything, but because they're treating me as unintelligent or a sex object because of my sexual organs in a way they wouldn't with a bloke. All I want is equal treatment, that's all, and I refuse to believe that the culprits can reach adulthood and not understand that "Nice tits!" IS NOT A COMPLIMENT!!!
And don't get me started on "Oooh, ladies, don't go out at night alone if you can avoid it." Why shouldn't I? I'm an adult and a free citizen, and I can go where I want when I want. I do take precautions, like keeping my phone on me and sticking to well lit main roads, which I think is sensible for anyone; however, if someone doesn't do those things, that doesn't make it their fault if something happens. My sleeping patterns have been shot to shit recently, due to a combination of a bereavement and unbearably hot weather. Sometimes I'll wake up all hot and bothered at three in the morning (assuming I got to sleep at all) and need a walk round the block to tire myself out. Why shouldn't I do that if I feel like it?
In fact, while women are statistically at higher risk of sexual assault, I've often read that men are statistically more likely to be mugged, beaten up, stabbed, or the victim of acid attacks. Yet we don't tell men not to go out at night, do we? I believe everyone should do what they feel is safest, and that's going to vary from person to person. Ultimately, we can't truly claim the sexes are equal while society is still using the threat of sexual assault as an excuse to restrict women's movements or freedoms. This is what I believe we should be pushing back against.
which is why I told the barman what happened.. to get a second opinion cos the gaslighting was starting to work. But I know now I was simply defending myself from a gross and uncalled for attack and I hope his fucking ears rung the next day making bands unbearable 
