People who live alone - how are you getting on?

[RubyToogood]

I can't say it's going well here. I'm very used to spending a lot of time on my own through various chronic illnesses but really I've had enough now.

Bubbling isn't working for me as I'm bubbling with my mother which has no significant benefits to me and puts pressure on me to go over there, which is half a day each time effectively, usually the only half day I might have been able to see a friend.

The whole going for a walk with a friend thing isn't working either. It's always too difficult for any one of a number of reasons - covid concerns, distance, currently the weather, having to see my mother...

Basically I'm Billy Nomates.

 

[cybershot]

I feel your pain. The first lockdown was tough for me. The bubble thing came in at the right time and probably saved me from a dark place.

Honestly I’d say talk to people. I thought the same and that friends with kids,working from home, caring responsibilities would be too busy for me but once I reached out were a godsend of support and I rebuild some previously lost friendships.

This time round the awful weather won’t be helping so I’m not surprised you feel miserable.

although I did take things to the extreme in the end and decided to move house which certainly kept me occupied for the final 4 months of 2020, and now I’ve got a new home to redecorate and furnish to my own touch to keep me occupied.

expensive and not something I’d recommend if you get stressed easily mind!

if people aren’t your thing find a project to work on, something you’ll enjoy.

 

[gentlegreen]

I'm coping better than I expected - especially the past few months with the cold keeping me indoors along with everything else.

It happens to have happened in the year when I was already planning to retire..
I had no contact with my family in any case.

It's caused me to retire several months later than planned as I found I had to go back to work for 4 months so I had something to retire from ..

I had a bad spell of functional depression back in the spring / summer and put myself on Prozac for a bit - but the anxiety side effect was far too unpleasant - I had been hoping to get luvved-up on a free prescription... going back to work helped with that...
.

 

[gentlegreen]

although I did take things to the extreme in the end and decided to move house which certainly kept me occupied for the final 4 months of 2020, and now I’ve got a new home to redecorate and furnish to my own touch to keep me occupied.

expensive and not something I’d recommend if you get stressed easily mind!

if people aren’t you’re thing find a project to work on, something you’ll enjoy.

Yes - I have two years ahead (unless I really get into it) of serious DIY and throwing my stuff away

 

[bimble]

The only thing that’s kept me sane really I think is my 2 friends who both also live alone, with whom I’ve been in a (illegal) 3 person bubble. It’s their actual faces and voices in real life, once a week, that’s made the difference. Haven’t seen either since Monday now and I’m feeling it a bit already, the unmoored feeling, like being on a little boat with not enough ballast.
It can get really alienating some of the way the pandemic is talked about, so much constant focus on the nuclear family, home schooling, how it’s impacting marriages and all that, we who live alone are legion and not often part of the messaging, apart from as an object of pity for families to bubble with.

 

[gentlegreen]

What seriously bothers me is with the Internet at hand I can't find people to chat to.
Chatrooms seem to attract some really terrible people - not least Covid deniers

So more in answer to the OP, having retired I have lost my token (unfulfilling) contact with people and am hanging everything on the future and moving somewhere new and having to join in - and probably naively I believe I'll have more luck with that in Brittany than south Wales ...

So even before all this, finding a meaningful social life was an issue as I move into my 60s ...

 

[Puddy_Tat]

 

[weltweit]

I rely on the telephone for social contact at the moment.

That and occasional dog walking.

 

[bimble]

What seriously bothers me is with the Internet at hand I can't find people to chat to.
Chatrooms seem to attract some really terrible people - not least Covid deniers

So more in answer to the OP, having retired I have lost my token (unfulfilling) contact with people and am hanging everything on the future and moving somewhere new and having to join in - and probably naively I believe I'll have more luck with that in Brittany than south Wales ...

So even before all this, finding a meaningful social life was an issue as I move into my 60s ...

Are even Gardening chatrooms full of dodgy weirdos?

 

[gentlegreen]

Are even Gardening chatrooms full of dodgy weirdos?

There are such things ?

I signed up to a French Facebook gardening group, but rarely last very long on there because of all the unscientific woo.... sadly true of other French groups - it will be interesting finding friends in France as basically a vegan for a start - though I'm holding out hope that the field will be opened sufficiently due to all the holiday homes in the area ...

 

[RubyToogood]

It can get really alienating some of the way the pandemic is talked about, so much constant focus on the nuclear family, home schooling, how it’s impacting marriages and all that, we who live alone are legion and not often part of the messaging, apart from as an object of pity for families to bubble with.

Hear hear. I've just looked it up and it's very difficult to persuade Google to disaggregate queries about single person households from single parent households, but it seems to be about a third of households as far as I can make out.

 

[bimble]

I think there are, not been in one myself but campanula knows these things.
Eta that’s a gardening forum, not a single parent household!

 

[cybershot]

The only thing that’s kept me sane really I think is my 2 friends who both also live alone, with whom I’ve been in a (illegal) 3 person bubble. It’s their actual faces and voices in real life, once a week, that’s made the difference. Haven’t seen either since Monday now and I’m feeling it a bit already, the unmoored feeling, like being on a little boat with not enough ballast.
It can get really alienating some of the way the pandemic is talked about, so much constant focus on the nuclear family, home schooling, how it’s impacting marriages and all that, we who live alone are legion and not often part of the messaging, apart from as an object of pity for families to bubble with.

We were definitely forgot about for a large portion of the first lockdown then there was the sudden attention given to loneliness once social bubbles were allowed.

2nd and 3rd lockdowns seem to forgotten about again.

 

[RubyToogood]

I feel your pain. The first lockdown was tough for me. The bubble thing came in at the right time and probably saved me from a dark place.

Honestly I’d say talk to people. I thought the same and that friends with kids,working from home, caring responsibilities would be too busy for me but once I reached out were a godsend of support and I rebuild some previously lost friendships.

This time round the awful weather won’t be helping so I’m not surprised you feel miserable.

although I did take things to the extreme in the end and decided to move house which certainly kept me occupied for the final 4 months of 2020, and now I’ve got a new home to redecorate and furnish to my own touch to keep me occupied.

expensive and not something I’d recommend if you get stressed easily mind!

if people aren’t your thing find a project to work on, something you’ll enjoy.

I'm cutting out a blouse as we speak... projects I do all the time. I've become reticent to poke people as I've found a lot of people either fail to answer or turn me down or say yes and then change their minds. For the sake of my sanity I'm assuming this is because of all the aforementioned reasons. There is a lot of complicated stuff to negotiate atm.

 

[bimble]

This is about sex, not an important issue for all single people obvs just some, but I thought despite the self absorbedness of it, it was good, for throwing light on just one of the ways alone-livers have been left out of the government’s messaging and thinking here.

'We are desperate for human contact': people breaking lockdown for sex

For nearly 12 months, single people have been unable to form new relationships. With their chances to start a family or find love slipping away, many are now ignoring the rules

www.theguardian.com

 

[cybershot]

meetup.com is useful for finding like minded groups in your area so may be worth a look up.

a few of the ones round here still do online socials. Quizzes and what not and will probably start up the socially distanced walks and whatnot once allowed again.

e.g near me:



if you’re mega desperate for conversation with the opposite sex then there is of course the dating apps, but I think you need to be in the right mindset for those as they can be utterly demoralising at the best of times.

 

[Sue]

This is about sex, not an important issue for all single people obvs just some, but I thought despite the self absorbedness of it, it was good, for throwing light on just one of the ways alone-livers have been left out of the government’s messaging and thinking here.

'We are desperate for human contact': people breaking lockdown for sex

For nearly 12 months, single people have been unable to form new relationships. With their chances to start a family or find love slipping away, many are now ignoring the rules

www.theguardian.com

I read that and was kind of .

 

[Puddy_Tat]

Hear hear. I've just looked it up and it's very difficult to persuade Google to disaggregate queries about single person households from single parent households, but it seems to be about a third of households as far as I can make out.

Families and households in the UK - Office for National Statistics

Trends in living arrangements including families (with and without dependent children), people living alone and people in shared accommodation, broken down by size and type of household.

www.ons.gov.uk

has more.

says 15% of adult population were single person households in 2018, and doing the sums (8 million people and 27.6 million households) seems to be just under 30% of households

not sure how they count single person 'households' living within shared houses / flats.

 

[bimble]

I read that and was kind of .

Like, stop whinging you mean? I get that, but at the same time it is a real thing, enforced abstinence for a year, unless you cohabit, or are willing to do crime.

 

[Sue]

So I've a friend locally I see every couple of weeks for a walk. I do Zoom calls etc but I feel like hiding in general to be honest. I've a load of emails and messages from friends going back months that I haven't even read, never mind replied to and (for whatever reason), I just can't face looking at them.

At the start of the first lockdown, my work made a big thing out of checking in with people, issues with people living on their own and all that. I have chats with my team and check in on how they are every day (two live on their own but are in bubbles with nearby family). Has my boss ever even asked how I am since the whole thing started? No, no he's not. I suspect he's secretly pleased I'm working even crazier hours than normal.

 

[gentlegreen]

It's been 18 years since my second, disastrous (brief) romantic endeavour and depending where I mark the end of it, 33 years since the first one.
There has certainly been a lot of time to contemplate where I might hope to go in the future in that regard - and at the very least this has been "chastening" to a massive degree - unless they get shit hot at spotting viruses and regularly vaccinating, I will be nervous just going to the supermarket ... and when I force myself to walk through the park, I end up wondering if it's worth the risk ...

 

[Sue]

Like, stop whinging you mean? I get that, but at the same time it is a real thing, enforced abstinence for a year, unless you cohabit, or are willing to do crime.

Yeah. What can't be cured, must be endured and all that. It is what it is.

 

[bimble]

Yeah. What can't be cured, must be endured and all that. It is what it is.

It definitely is, what it is.

 

[blairsh]

Medium.

All i see is people in work (not people i would choose to see) and then home. I stay in all weekend, bar an amble to the shops.

Been lots going on the last year, and as such my mental state has swung about all overt shop.

Solidarity fist bump to all the other livingalonists

 

[bimble]

It's been 18 years since my second, disastrous (brief) romantic endeavour and depending where I mark the end of it, 33 years since the first one.
There has certainly been a lot of time to contemplate where I might hope to go in the future in that regard - and at the very least this has been "chastening" to a massive degree - unless they get shit hot at spotting viruses and regularly vaccinating, I will be nervous just going to the supermarket ... and when I force myself to walk through the park, I end up wondering if it's worth the risk ...

That’s really sad to read, the bit about you thinking you’ll live the rest of your life in fear of catching something from shops and parks. Do you think it might just lessen, in time, when this crisis is over? Hope so.

 

[cybershot]

So I've a friend locally I see every couple of weeks for a walk. I do Zoom calls etc but I feel like hiding in general to be honest. I've a load of emails and messages from friends going back months that I haven't even read, never mind replied to and (for whatever reason), I just can't face looking at them.

At the start of the first lockdown, my work made a big thing out of checking in with people, issues with people living on their own and all that. I have chats with my team and check in on how they are every day (two live on their own but are in bubbles with nearby family). Has my boss ever even asked how I am since the whole thing started? No, no he's not. I suspect he's secretly pleased I'm working even crazier hours than normal.

work is starting to grate me I’ll be honest. I’ve been procrastinating dreadfully over the past couple of weeks and ultimately getting away with doing the bare minimum. Thankfully work aren’t too pushy but at some point it’s going to blow up in my face. First lockdown they were very understanding of my plight and checking in. This time not so much and I think the plights of the first one have either been forgotten about or they are knowingly cutting me some slack. It’s probably the former and I probably need to bring it up again this week. Urgh. Before it does all blow up in my face for various things just not getting done because instead I just stare at the screen.

 

[RubyToogood]

This is about sex, not an important issue for all single people obvs just some, but I thought despite the self absorbedness of it, it was good, for throwing light on just one of the ways alone-livers have been left out of the government’s messaging and thinking here.

'We are desperate for human contact': people breaking lockdown for sex

For nearly 12 months, single people have been unable to form new relationships. With their chances to start a family or find love slipping away, many are now ignoring the rules

www.theguardian.com

That's actually very funny! It does also hit a nail on the head though. I gave up on dating as too crap at some point before the pandemic but it's reanimated some of those feelings of being left out of society as a single person. Your only passport to company is to be in a couple. And if this had been going to be the year where I'd met someone, it certainly won't be now.

I increased my hours at work to help fill the time. At least I get to talk to my annoying colleagues. We did have a virtual coffee morning but I think it's died a death as its inventor has left the organisation and my attempts to whip people up have failed. It made a big difference to me.

 

[Sue]

work is starting to grate me I’ll be honest. I’ve been procrastinating dreadfully over the past couple of weeks and ultimately getting away with doing the bare minimum. Thankfully work aren’t too pushy but at some point it’s going to blow up in my face. First lockdown they were very understanding of my plight and checking in. This time not so much and I think the plights of the first one have either been forgotten about or they are knowingly cutting me some slack. It’s probably the former and I probably need to bring it up again this week. Urgh. Before it does all blow up in my face for various things just not getting down because instead I just stare at the screen.

My workload's just getting worse and worse and no-one really seems to care. I keep saying I have too much work (and that's objectively very clear) but nothing ever happens about it. And absolutely no allowance is being made that I can see for the impact of lockdown.

 

[bimble]

One of my friends is heroically doing the dating ap thing, which basically means meeting for freezing cold walks with a series of variously disappointing people. Hard work in the best of times innit I definitely can’t be arsed for now.

 

[gentlegreen]

That’s really sad to read, the bit about you thinking you’ll live the rest of your life in fear of catching something from shops and parks. Do you think it might just lessen, in time, when this crisis is over? Hope so.

OK, perhaps things are a bit "live" still ...
You may know that I worked in a university and got whacked by a virus at least once a year, but usually took it in my stride - much as I do with bacteria - ... even after 2019 when I struggled to lift my head for weeks on end and briefly tested as diabetic ....
This particular virus has changed the way I look back at that and I will not only be getting my flu / covid jab every year, I'm hoping to work up the courage to get the MMR I didn't get as a child ...