Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Wilf]

Better suited to a cricketer's jockstrap': Dismay in Woking over name of controversial sports centre

New sports centre name 'better suited to a cricketer's jockstrap'

'A feeling of dismay in Mayford'
Panic on the streets of london
panic on the streets of birmingham
i wonder to myself
could life ever be sane again?
the leeds side-streets that you slip down
i wonder to myself
hopes may rise on the grasmere
but honey pie, you're not safe here
so you run down
to the safety of the town
but there's panic on the streets of carlisle
dublin, dundee, humberside
i wonder to myself
Burn down the disco
hang the blessed dj
because the music that they constantly play
it says nothing to me about my life

 

[Ground Elder]

 

[MrSki]

 

[DaveCinzano]

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I imagine it was caerphilly planned

 

[Orang Utan]

Brian May's Goose Fury sounds like a band I want to hear

 

[hash tag]

I'm sorry, I musn't laugh. People should take guns more seriously...

Egypt bridegroom shot in genitals during celebrations

Celebrating bridegroom shot in genitals

 

[hash tag]

What a dick. Horror photos show fitness fanatic's manhood stuck in a weight

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[Wilf]

When I'm driving, my fervent hope is that people throw chips into the car.

 

[Badgers]

 

[Voley]

View attachment 120249

Disappointing that they didn't tell us how much the 0.01 grammes of coke was worth. When my mate got popped in Penzance 'The Cornishman' reported that he was ''in possession of cannabis with a street value of three pounds fifty.'

 

[MrSki]

Disappointing that they didn't tell us how much the 0.01 grammes of coke was worth. When my mate got popped in Penzance 'The Cornishman' reported that he was ''in possession of cannabis with a street value of three pounds fifty.'

Yeah would be more embarrassing to be caught in possession of fifty pence worth of snorbitz.

 

[UrbaneFox]

The offence? Greasy Bodily Harm?

 

[T & P]

I reckon a good scraping with a razor blade could produce 0.01 gr of cocaine from the banknotes in anyone’s wallet. Talk about being framed.

 

[kabbes]

What a dick. Horror photos show fitness fanatic's manhood stuck in a weight

Under the line comment: he went from a dumbbell to a numb bell

 

[krtek a houby]

It's not local but made me laugh all the same

Suspect's farts end police interview

 

[Enviro]

Bristol man caught in sex toy prank thought Royal Mail mistook parcel for bomb

“I’m not going to beat around the bush,” the 28-year-old tradesman said. “I was talking to my girlfriend and she said she wanted to spice things up. I was shocked to find a letter on the package my partner ordered in the mail.”...

...“I don’t know why they chose to investigate – it could have been because she ordered it to ‘Mike Rotch’. Maybe they thought it was a bomb.”

 

[farmerbarleymow]

 

[Siouxsie]

They could've at least shown us a nice shot of the beer garden.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

 

[pesh]

Greggs says 'sorry' after Advent calendar launch replaces baby Jesus with sausage roll

 

[cupid_stunt]

Greggs says 'sorry' after Advent calendar launch replaces baby Jesus with sausage roll

Fucking brilliant, that cracked me up!

Look at the photo.

 

[Siouxsie]

It's not a foot long one is it!

 

[alan_]

I think it should be baby jesus sitiing in his pram eating a sausage roll/greggs dummy

 

[Steel Icarus]

I think it should be baby jesus sitiing in his pram eating a sausage roll/greggs dummy

What's a Greggs Dummy?

 

[chandlerp]

It's a shop that sells baked goods, no need to be rude.

 

[hash tag]

Aldi recalls nuts - due to presence of nuts

Read more at: Aldi recalls nuts - due to presence of nuts

 

[cupid_stunt]

Aldi recalls nuts - due to presence of nuts

Read more at: Aldi recalls nuts - due to presence of nuts

This reminds me of the The Logical Hairs' silly song about a salesman for 'Flanagan's Nut Free Nuts' - nuts designed for people with allergies!