Local Newspaper Headlines!

[seeformiles]

Railing, having sex, on tombstones

Ipswich: Suffolk Police request railings to stop sex on tombstones​

Ipswich: Suffolk Police request railings to stop sex on tombstones

Suffolk Police says the tombstones are used for sexual activity, drugs and alcohol.

www.bbc.co.uk

I misread that as “Trombones”

 

[hash tag]

I misread that as “Trombones”

Yesterday at traffic lights, I saw someone busking with a trombone.....there were few pedestrians and it makes a change from windscreen washers.

 

[two sheds]

are they playing drums with windscreen washers?

 

[T & P]

Walker spots face of Liam Gallagher staring out from tree

Dan Scott's jaw dropped when he spotted the face earlier this month

www.walesonline.co.uk

 

[hash tag]

Looks a bit wooden to me

 

[kabbes]

Walker spots face of Liam Gallagher staring out from tree

Dan Scott's jaw dropped when he spotted the face earlier this month

www.walesonline.co.uk

Others would have seen Jesus, but maybe Liam will be the one to save me.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Great story here,

Armed robber scared off by little girl throwing loaf of bread at him

An 11-year-old girl scared off an armed robber by throwing a loaf of bread at him.

The masked man barged into a convenience shop in Worthing, West Sussex, on Monday night. Then he pulled out a knife and ordered a member of staff to empty the till.

But his robbery attempt was foiled when a young girl and her father, who were customers, threw bottles of squash and a loaf of bread at him.
After one last unsuccessful attempt to grab cash from the till, the man fled empty handed from the Express Supermarket.

 

[seeformiles]

Walker spots face of Liam Gallagher staring out from tree

Dan Scott's jaw dropped when he spotted the face earlier this month

www.walesonline.co.uk

More like Richard Ashcroft (ETA or even Roy Wood? )

 

[hash tag]

Great story here,

Armed robber scared off by little girl throwing loaf of bread at him

Great story is a little dated.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Great story is a little dated.

That's weird, I have a bookmark for google news about Worthing in the last 24 hours, I've no idea why it served up a report from 2019.

 

[two sheds]

if she was throwing stale bread it would be rock hard

 

[DotCommunist]

Others would have seen Jesus, but maybe Liam will be the one to save me.

its the green man of course, Cernunnos. the forest spirit. Liam fucking Gallagher I ask you.

 

[moochedit]

That's weird, I have a bookmark for google news about Worthing in the last 24 hours, I've no idea why it served up a report from 2019.

yeah i did that with the "cows live in house" story a few weeks back.

Sometimes someone posts an old story on twatface and it gets lots of clicks and moves up the "most read stories" list. Could be something like that.

 

[JimW]

Not a headline but check out this somewhat bizarre letter to our local rag. Starts off reasonably enough with a plea for men to support a local women's initiative against sexual harassment and assault but segues into an ad for a cement mixer he's bought, while seeming to skip between first and third person:

Letter to the editor: men need to step-up | Stroud Times

Letter to the editor: men need to step-up

stroudtimes.com

 

[cupid_stunt]

Not a headline but check out this somewhat bizarre letter to our local rag. Starts off reasonably enough with a plea for men to support a local women's initiative against sexual harassment and assault but segues into an ad for a cement mixer he's bought, while seeming to skip between first and second person:

Letter to the editor: men need to step-up | Stroud Times

Letter to the editor: men need to step-up

stroudtimes.com

It basically becomes an advert, although with the funds going to a good cause.

Reminds of the joke about a tight fisted bloke putting a death announcement in his local paper, which was costed per word, so he just wrote, 'Anne is dead.'

Only to be told the minimums charge was for six words, so he changed it to 'Anne is dead. Car for sale.'

 

[hitmouse]

Nice black and white stripy top, though.

 

[JimW]

Nice black and white stripy top, though.

Definite wrong 'un

 

[MrSki]

Not a headline but check out this somewhat bizarre letter to our local rag. Starts off reasonably enough with a plea for men to support a local women's initiative against sexual harassment and assault but segues into an ad for a cement mixer he's bought, while seeming to skip between first and third person:

Letter to the editor: men need to step-up | Stroud Times

Letter to the editor: men need to step-up

stroudtimes.com

Reminds me of that radio phone in about disabled parking and a certain very nice biscuit.

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

Norfolk police pull over man with bull riding shotgun

“The officers received a call referencing a car driving into town that had a cow in it,” Norfolk Police said.

www.1011now.com

I've seen odd vehicles used to transport livestock, but what got me was the modifications to the car to accommodate the bull. To justify modifying the entire passenger side of the car, that bull had to ride around in it fairly often, probably more as a pet.

 

[two sheds]

Well Norfolk isn't it East Anglia renowned for it.

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

Well Norfolk isn't it East Anglia renowned for it.

I have relatives up there. My first thought was it was a cousin of mine.

 

[two sheds]

in the passenger seat?

 

[petee]

founding father goes rogue.

Alexander Hamilton, admitted to posting the videos to his Instagram story after he was sworn in on Sept. 9, 2022. One of the videos allegedly documents his oath-taking. With his right hand raised, Hamilton looks down at his iPhone to say, “I’m about to lie,” according to court records.

Man Pleads Guilty To Filming Self On Grand Jury: 'I'm About To Lie'

The 28-year-old posted videos from the proceedings on Instagram, prosecutors said.

www.huffpost.com

 

[seeformiles]

Not a headline but check out this somewhat bizarre letter to our local rag. Starts off reasonably enough with a plea for men to support a local women's initiative against sexual harassment and assault but segues into an ad for a cement mixer he's bought, while seeming to skip between first and third person:

Letter to the editor: men need to step-up | Stroud Times

Letter to the editor: men need to step-up

stroudtimes.com

I like his cement mixer

 

[JimW]

I like his cement mixer

He's laying out a path for us all to follow.

 

[bluescreen]

Norfolk police pull over man with bull riding shotgun

“The officers received a call referencing a car driving into town that had a cow in it,” Norfolk Police said.

www.1011now.com

I've seen odd vehicles used to transport livestock, but what got me was the modifications to the car to accommodate the bull. To justify modifying the entire passenger side of the car, that bull had to ride around in it fairly often, probably more as a pet.

So many nice details in that story

 

[isvicthere?]

Car owners "furious" at council for taking measures to prevent them driving and parking on a footpath!

 

[Cerv]

Man wearing that jumper has the cheek to call anything else an eyesore

 

[cupid_stunt]

You Plonker! Del Boy style van with three wheels is seized by police for speeding

The driver of a three-wheeled yellow van had their vehicle seized by police after they were caught speeding.

www.theargus.co.uk

Stopped for speeding in a three-wheeled yellow van!

In a light-hearted post on their account on X, formerly known as Twitter, Sussex Police said “this time next year we’ll be millionaires,” in reference to a famous line from the sitcom.

The post said: “Not when you are stopped doing 43 in a 30 and only have a provisional licence. You plonker Rodney.”

 

[cupid_stunt]

'Mermaid skeleton' washes up on busy beach

Beachgoers were shocked to discover the skeleton of a mermaid on a Sussex beach while soaking up the sun.

www.theargus.co.uk

Worthing: Mermaid skeleton washes up on beach in hot weather ​