Local Newspaper Headlines!

[trabuquera]

VIDEO: Prowler spends 3 hours licking doorbell at California home
VIDEO: Prowler spends 3 hours licking doorbell at CA home

 

[cupid_stunt]

It's bizarre enough to go whinging to the local rag about being banned from a pub, but even more bizarre they should consider it newsworthy enough to not only cover it, but do a follow-up piece too.

Worthing man barred from The Three Fishes pub wants to know why

Barred Wetherspoons customer responds to online critics: 'don't judge a book by its cover'

 

[Badgers]

 

[cupid_stunt]

 

[Orang Utan]

Dog walker saw couple smeared in bird blood 'having sex' in Leeds woods

 

[fishfinger]

Dog walker saw couple smeared in bird blood 'having sex' in Leeds woods

That's the next season of True Detective sorted.

 

[Yossarian]

It's bizarre enough to go whinging to the local rag about being banned from a pub, but even more bizarre they should consider it newsworthy enough to not only cover it, but do a follow-up piece too.

Worthing man barred from The Three Fishes pub wants to know why

Barred Wetherspoons customer responds to online critics: 'don't judge a book by its cover'

"What're you banned from the 'Spoons for, Kev?"

"Dunno."

"I think we have this week's front page..."

 

[Voley]

Man caught speeding at 123mph on M62 because he 'wanted a kebab.'

Man caught driving at 123mph told cops he was rushing because he wanted a kebab

 

[kabbes]

Man caught speeding at 123mph on M62 because he 'wanted a kebab.'

Man caught driving at 123mph told cops he was rushing because he wanted a kebab

On p123 of this thread.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Man caught speeding at 123mph on M62 because he 'wanted a kebab.'

Man caught driving at 123mph told cops he was rushing because he wanted a kebab

kebabking needs to account for his whereabouts to eliminate him as a suspect.

 

[cybershot]

Hull woman's freak accident as cocktail stick pierces her foot

If only there was something you could slip onto your feet, while wearing your dressing gown!

Check your carpets for cocktail sticks folks.

Top job on pixelating the house number too, I really think they ran this one purely for the fact they knew it would go viral.

 

[kebabking]

kebabking needs to account for his whereabouts to eliminate him as a suspect.

I'm somewhat insulted that you'd suggest I'd be hanging about at an abismal 123mph if I wanted a kebab.

Harrumph.

 

[existentialist]

Hull woman's freak accident as cocktail stick pierces her foot

If only there was something you could slip onto your feet, while wearing your dressing gown!

Check your carpets for cocktail sticks folks.

Top job on pixelating the house number too, I really think they ran this one purely for the fact they knew it would go viral.

I should have been phoning the local rag's news desk every time I carelessly and slipperless broke a toe on the leg of the bed, boo.

 

[farmerbarleymow]

I'm somewhat insulted that you'd suggest I'd be hanging about at an abismal 123mph if I wanted a kebab.

Harrumph.

I thought stolen tanks had no chance of getting to that sort of speed.

 

[Kaka Tim]

Dog walker saw couple smeared in bird blood 'having sex' in Leeds woods

"It sounded like someone shouting in a different language, but then I saw a lady in her late 30s laid on a white plastic sheet."
She said she thought the woman 'was dead' at first, but when she went closer to try and find her dog, she saw a man.
The man then used his finger to take blood from a dead bird and 'put it on the woman's face' before they had sex, she claimed.
She added: "I dragged the dog away and my friend and I walked away. Then, about 10 minutes later, I walked back that way and my friend said she saw at least five other woman clothed around them (the couple) and we realised they were chanting.

i guess this is what happens when you have the woodcraft folk meetup at the local dogging spot.

 

[dessiato]

I should have been phoning the local rag's news desk every time I carelessly and slipperless broke a toe on the leg of the bed, boo.

I could keep them really busy.

 

[neonwilderness]

Man removed dressing gown to reveal underwear during fight outside Sainsbury's in Carlisle

 

[cybershot]

Vandals target more Poole beach huts after Christmas spree (but only a Pot Noodle is stolen)

 

[a_chap]

 

[dessiato]

There's worse things

 

[Poi E]

Boy swears and eats cheese. It's a slow news day.

 

[cybershot]

Boy swears and eats cheese. It's a slow news day.

It was, almost 4 years ago!

 

[cupid_stunt]

It was, almost 4 years ago!

Not so much news, as history.

 

[Poi E]

It was, almost 4 years ago!

Cheese would taste rank. Stupid boy.

 

[Voley]

Worrying developments round my way in Porthleven:

Man says he was attacked through window by 6ft big cat

Particularly concerning is the lack of reaction from the emergency services:

"I phoned the police and they weren't interested and threatened to take action against me if I called again.''

 

[cupid_stunt]

Worrying developments round my way in Porthleven:

Man says he was attacked through window by 6ft big cat

Particularly concerning is the lack of reaction from the emergency services:

"I phoned the police and they weren't interested and threatened to take action against me if I called again.''

The Exmoor beast has moved south.

 

[neonwilderness]

'I was absolutely staggered': Grandad's 'alcoholic pot noodle' horror

They just gave me loads of corporate speak and said it passed trading standards . . . so did the lifeboats on the Titanic!

 

[Libertad]

Worrying developments round my way in Porthleven:

Man says he was attacked through window by 6ft big cat

Particularly concerning is the lack of reaction from the emergency services:

"I phoned the police and they weren't interested and threatened to take action against me if I called again.''

The Exmoor beast has moved south.

Fuck the Exmoor beast that's quite obviously one of our moor cats and we want it back.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Does this one win the thread?

PubSpy offered ‘a wank’ on visit to Mad Hatter Inn

Would you like a wank? Mad Mary in the Mad Hatter Inn was clearly determined the pub would live up to its name.

I politely declined her offer of a “Thomas Tank” in favour of a pint of Open Gate Citra IPA and wondered what someone might say to me next in this bizarre Kemp Town watering hole.

 

[neonwilderness]

'I am Batman': What Hartlepool man told police after he tackled shop robber armed with an axe