Local Newspaper Headlines!

[cupid_stunt]

City of Edinburgh Council announced plans to fight the problem of speeding by introducing life-sized cardboard imitations of traffic police officers at roadsides.

Edinburgh Evening News took the piss...

 

[petee]

Woman allegedly rips out victim's colostomy bag, hits him with iron over exorcism money

"Bertha Ocejo, 56, showed up at the victim's home on Avenue 304 around 5 p.m. Thursday. She asked the man for $5,000 to go to Mexico and have an exorcism but became angry when the victim wouldn't hand over the money."

 

[T & P]

Security confused to find man reading a book in the middle of a rave

Security confused to find man reading a book in the middle of a rave | Metro News

 

[neonwilderness]

Shocked couple find badger in wheelie bin

Checking the bins again Badgers?

 

[petee]

Grocery store worker admits to eating $9K worth of deli meat

"The store's loss prevention manager received a tip that an employee had been eating three to five slices of ham nearly every day over eight years. Authorities say she also sometimes ate salami."

 

[Wilf]

Grocery store worker admits to eating $9K worth of deli meat

"The store's loss prevention manager received a tip that an employee had been eating three to five slices of ham nearly every day over eight years. Authorities say she also sometimes ate salami."

Which might be about $3 per working day (?). FFS, why couldn't they just sack her rather than get the cops.

 

[Epona]

Grocery store worker admits to eating $9K worth of deli meat

"The store's loss prevention manager received a tip that an employee had been eating three to five slices of ham nearly every day over eight years. Authorities say she also sometimes ate salami."

OMG, Salami is clearly out of order

 

[Yossarian]

So her colleague watched her eat five slices of ham every day for eight years before deciding to rat her out?

 

[dessiato]

The tourists paying €25 to be grape harvesters for a day in Spain

 

[rekil]

The ghost of the 7ft ringmaster

Oh yes.

 

[kabbes]

So her colleague watched her eat five slices of ham every day for eight years before deciding to rat her out?

Revenge is a dish best served cold meats

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

- The Washington Post

Novelist who wrote about ‘How to Murder Your Husband’ charged with murdering her husband

 

[neonwilderness]

FUMING: War veteran, 90s, told he can't put apples in garden waste bin | Swindon Advertiser

He added: “I wonder what Monty Don does with his falling apples?”

FUMING

 

[Poi E]

In South Africa local papers have strong journos that regularly attack the local and central governments. But then I'm starting to think civil society there is healthier than here.

 

[Ground Elder]

From a few years ago, but worth a post

 

[cupid_stunt]

Poo-throwing pensioner tells reporter: ‘I want to shoot your editor in the head’

A pensioner who threw dog poo at her neighbours as part of a violent campaign of harrassment said she wanted to shoot a weekly editor in the head after being told her exploits would be covered in the newspaper.

Barbera Minns, left, launched the verbal attack at West Briton journalist Chris Matthews when he attempted to reach her for a comment following her conviction for a string of offences.

Minns, 72, subjected her neighbours in Falmouth to a prolonged period of violent harassment which included threatening them with knives, attempting to poison their pets and throwing dog poo at them.

 

[neonwilderness]

Twitter anger after Toby Foster says Worcester sauce is ‘perfect alternative’ to Henderson’s Relish

 

[cybershot]

Watch the terrifying moment a speeding van flies over a busy roundabout - Portsmouth

 

[cupid_stunt]

Watch the terrifying moment a speeding van flies over a busy roundabout - Portsmouth

“It is quite a bad roundabout, he just didn’t see what was coming because he was going so fast,” added Mr Daynes.

Bad roundabout? It's a very naughty roundabout.

With a fucking great big sign & yellow road markings warning about it being there.

 

[Voley]

TripAdvisor reviews of plastic tunnel in Bude suspended after it becomes town's top attraction:



Sample review: "It was the same sense of awe as I have felt visiting the Sistine Chapel, ruins in Pompei and the amphitheatre at Verona. Highly recommended."

Reviews suspended on tunnel after it becomes town's top attraction

 

[Badgers]

TripAdvisor reviews of plastic tunnel in Bude suspended after it becomes town's top attraction:

View attachment 146860

Sample review: "It was the same sense of awe as I have felt visiting the Sistine Chapel, ruins in Pompei and the amphitheatre at Verona. Highly recommended."

Reviews suspended on tunnel after it becomes town's top attraction

A classic
Has it's own thread

Bude Tunnel

 

[Yossarian]

TripAdvisor reviews of plastic tunnel in Bude suspended after it becomes town's top attraction:

View attachment 146860

Sample review: "It was the same sense of awe as I have felt visiting the Sistine Chapel, ruins in Pompei and the amphitheatre at Verona. Highly recommended."

Reviews suspended on tunnel after it becomes town's top attraction

Whilst visiting an inferior tunnel in the picturesque cultural hub of Croydon I was reminded of these words:

'Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.'

Bude Tunnel is a clear reminder that whatever the future of Britain holds we will still be able to rally behind the greatest monument the world has ever seen. It's a true symbol of The British Isles, and a beacon of sophistication to shine across the world. Brexit means Brexit.

 

[Voley]

Who Legend Pete Townsend not to play gig in Redruth:

The Who legend Pete Townshend to play at Cornish venue

 

[Voley]

Sex Pistols also not to play Redruth:

Why the mysterious Sex Pistols gig in Cornwall gets more mysterious

 

[Voley]

Boy George and The B-52's also not to play Redruth:

Boy George may be singing with classic new wave band The B-52s in a Cornish pub

Theme developing here I think. I predict U2 won't be playing Redruth any time soon too. You heard it here first etc.

 

[cupid_stunt]

And, in other news, I am not going to play in Cornwall.

 

[Voley]

The Sex Pistols one is worth reading tbf. The guy that runs the Rose Cottage pub has form for advertising gigs that never stand a hope in hell of happening (ie The B52's with Boy George singing. ) so the journo rang him up to check it out. When he's told it's a journalist he accuses him of being 'a little man' and later left a comment at the bottom of the article saying that he was jealous of him because he's got hair.

I shrank under my baldness instantly jealous of this man's hair and presence

 

[a_chap]

Penis-shaped weather warning issued for Devon and Cornwall

 

[neonwilderness]

Woman recalls how visit from late mother as a stag convinced her to fight Norfolk substation plans

 

[JimW]

She was so very deer to me.