Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Opera Buffa]

 

[DaveCinzano]

View attachment 144878

Insular Celtic Daesh duo in herbicidal Sharia rampage shocker

 

[Steel Icarus]

‘Hot Dog in a Bum’? Restaurant apologises for typo on children’s menu

Can't express how much I love the fact that the Lowestoft Journal explains how the menu should have read.

 

[kabbes]

Plane passenger screamed 'we are all going to die' while circling airport

It was a jolly and amusing story until all of a sudden it wasn’t.

First, there were the victims of her behaviour

...and caused another passenger to have a seizure with her behaviour on board the Jet2 flight.

Jagdev, who had drunk up to eight beers and six wines, had been continually kicking the seat the woman's 15-year-old autistic daughter was seated in

And then came the tragic backstory.

Ahmed Khan, defending, said his client had an alcohol problem.

He added that she had turned to alcohol when she lost an unborn child and split from her husband in 2015.

I do wish papers wouldn’t use such trivialised headlines.

 

[MrSki]

 

[neonwilderness]

WATCH the moment fishing family pull sawn-off shotgun out of Black Country canal

 

[DotCommunist]

WATCH the moment fishing family pull sawn-off shotgun out of Black Country canal

we've all seen Peaky Blinders

 

[hash tag]

"Mr Lars declared enough was enough when Zafar tossed a young woman into the air with his nose"

Read more at: https://inews.co.uk/news/world/bay-of-brest-bans-beach-swimming-due-to-frisky-dolphin-called-zafar/

 

[Voley]

Truly incredible scenes in Penzance recently.

"Strange 'figure' appears on Penzance wall and no one can decide what it is"

Strange figure appears on wall and no one can decide what it is

 

[fishfinger]

Truly incredible scenes in Penzance recently.

"Strange 'figure' appears on Penzance wall and no one can decide what it is"

Strange figure appears on wall and no one can decide what it is

I've just restored the image:

 

[Voley]

 

[neonwilderness]

Police make arrest after giraffe used as battering ram in Crowngate burglary

 

[existentialist]

A complete non-story

Snake found in Johnston garden was believed to be world's most venomous

Note well the "was believed to"

 

[cybershot]

Giant rats caught on camera terrorising city playground

Due to the website being a fucking disgrace for ads, here's the 'giant' aka 'perfectly normal sized rats in a park'

 

[cupid_stunt]

Due to the website being a fucking disgrace for ads...

Most local newspaper site are, that's why I use an adblocker, so I don't see any of them.

 

[Indeliblelink]

'Odd' bench faces the wrong way at Hangleton Co-op

link fixed for Badgers now

 

[Badgers]

'Odd' bench faces the wrong way at Hangleton Co-op

Worst link ever

 

[existentialist]

Most local newspaper site are, that's why I use an adblocker, so I don't see any of them.

My local news website bitches like a mutha about me having an adblocker switched on. I ignore it - the bit of the page complaining about the adblocker is still smaller than the screeds of ads and popups that appear if I don't.

 

[cupid_stunt]

My local news website bitches like a mutha about me having an adblocker switched on. I ignore it - the bit of the page complaining about the adblocker is still smaller than the screeds of ads and popups that appear if I don't.

Which local rag website?

 

[existentialist]

Which local rag website?

Western Telegraph

 

[cupid_stunt]

Western Telegraph

I thought it would be a Newsquest site, used to get about 1/3rd of the screen blocked with an anti-adblocker message on their Brighton Argus site, but that disappeared for me some weeks ago, and looking at the Western Telegraph's site, I am not seeing it on there either.

 

[neonwilderness]

Cat caught breaking into bookmakers on Shields Road in Byker

 

[cupid_stunt]

Cat caught breaking into bookmakers on Shields Road in Byker

The first line of the article is better than the headline IMO...

A sneaky cat burglar was caught in the act when it set off the alarm at a bookies.

Officers were prepared to come face-to-face with a “fur-midable” foe when they arrived at the bookmakers.

 

[neonwilderness]

The first line of the article is better than the headline IMO...

The last line is gold too.

“After a stern talking to the cat went on its way empty handed and hopefully it will think twice about breaking in to anywhere else again!”

I'm sure the cat didn't give a fuck

 

[Wilf]

'Odd' bench faces the wrong way at Hangleton Co-op

They put a new one in facing the wrong way, a few customers have said they found it very interesting

The curse of interesting times.

 

[petee]

109-Year-Old Woman Uses Loophole To Make Restaurant Pay Her To Eat There On Her Birthday

Western Montana resident Helen Self just celebrated her 109th birthday, and she knew exactly where she wanted to celebrate with her friends and family.

The Montana Club in Missoula offers a special discount for patrons based on their age; the older you are, the bigger the discount.

For example, a person celebrating their 21st birthday would be entitled to a 21% discount.

bonus: george takei's website

 

[cupid_stunt]

I fucking love that ^^^

 

[Ground Elder]

Capstone Hill Tour of Britain bike turned into penis

It's created quite a bit of a buzz

 

[Yossarian]

109-Year-Old Woman Uses Loophole To Make Restaurant Pay Her To Eat There On Her Birthday

Western Montana resident Helen Self just celebrated her 109th birthday, and she knew exactly where she wanted to celebrate with her friends and family.

The Montana Club in Missoula offers a special discount for patrons based on their age; the older you are, the bigger the discount.

For example, a person celebrating their 21st birthday would be entitled to a 21% discount.

bonus: george takei's website

The centenarian was surrounded by two dozen friends and relatives on Friday. When the check arrived, it indicated that her meal was free, but she also gained 9% back in cash...

Self didn't go overboard with her order. For her celebratory dinner, Self ordered some shrimp. Her bill wound up earning her around $1.30.

That restaurant owner seems to have things figured out pretty well.

 

[existentialist]

That restaurant owner seems to have things figured out pretty well.

I don't suppose all the publicity has hurt him, either.