Local Newspaper Headlines!

[cupid_stunt]

JUICY ARRESTS: Police detain five for 4,000 kilo orange theft

LOCAL POLICE officers in Sevilla had a fruitful day

 

[dessiato]

One from today

WATCH: Pallet van man faces TALL fine for dangerous load

 

[pseudonarcissus]

Stranger danger in the Westmoreland Gazette

An 11 year old boy approached by a "woman was described as being in her 30s, a size 16, with black wavy hair and had black leather gloves."

Did the potential victim assess the lady's dress size? I guess it's funny what you notice about someone.

 

[Indeliblelink]

'Emotional support peacock' barred from United Airlines plane

 

[Wilf]

Early contender for thread POTY:

Woman asks for waffle maker, is reportedly told to f*** off

Weston Super Mare, so much to answer for.

 

[cupid_stunt]

Has this been posted before? I bet it has, oh, well...

 

[a_chap]

 

[Nine Bob Note]

New Ware wine bar 'would lead to more graveyard sex', residents warn

A resident also told how women 'roll in their wee' after drinking at existing bars

 

[cupid_stunt]

Yeah!

 

[farmerbarleymow]

Not a local paper, but anyway.

 

[petee]

Woman ordered to trim her bush which grew so big it left neighbours in the dark | Metro News

Susan Rogers was issued with the notice after her bush grew to 40ft high and 100ft long.

christ.

 

[rekil]

Teenager who threw Jelly Baby at Shrewsbury Town keeper Dean Henderson escapes football ban

“The only thing he had was a Jelly Baby and he thought throwing that would wind him up. He said he had no intention of hurting the goalkeeper.”

The incident at Bury had involved the teenager running onto the pitch and celebrating with players after Rovers had scored.

“On that occasion he said he had drunk 10 pints of lager before the match,” said Mr Hollanby.

 

[dessiato]

Snappy reaction to crocodile sale by police in Spain

 

[krtek a houby]

'Emotional support peacock' barred from United Airlines plane

Not local but horrible

Student says she flushed 'emotional support hamster' after airline denied passage

 

[Siouxsie]

New Ware wine bar 'would lead to more graveyard sex', residents warn

A resident also told how women 'roll in their wee' after drinking at existing bars

Such debauchery!
Anywhere in Cheshire by any chance

 

[Badgers]

Landlady's fury after Welsh rugby fan poos on pub table

 

[DaveCinzano]

Not-local caveats apply:

Dog caught riding neighbour's one-eyed pony in the middle of the night

 

[DaveCinzano]

Woman kept dog poo in freezer for seven months to beat Kingdom

 

[cupid_stunt]

Not-local caveats apply:

Dog caught riding neighbour's one-eyed pony in the middle of the night

The video on that link is fucking funny.

 

[Casual Observer]

 

[T & P]

Bunch of balloons in Billericay halts trains in their tracks

Bunch of balloons halts trains in tracks

 

[Steel Icarus]

 

[Steel Icarus]

Seriously though. It fell OUT? I thought it might be more secure than that.

 

[Wilf]

Seriously though. It fell OUT? I thought it might be more secure than that.

It can be screwed in.

 

[DaveCinzano]

The perennial riddle of the sphinctors.

 

[Siouxsie]

DO NOT Google 'anal prolapse' images


It's not my fault you didn't listen......I DID warn you!

 

[Combustible]

Rectum? Damn nearly killed him

 

[Wilf]

The perennial riddle of the sphinctors.

Maybe one of Napoleon's soldiers caused the damage?

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

A 19-year-old man who wanted to test out a flak jacket Saturday suffered a non-life-threatening gunshot wound when his friend missed his target in a cabin in northwest Lancaster County, Sheriff Terry Wagner said.

Deputies were alerted to the shooting by staff at a Lincoln hospital that afternoon.

They believe the shooting took place in a cabin north of Malcolm near Northwest 112th Street and West Mill Road, the sheriff said.

During their investigation, they found the 19-year-old victim and his two friends had shot the Vietnam War-era flak jacket several times, Wagner said.

The jacket — a precursor to the modern bullet-proof vest — successfully stopped the rounds, so they decided to try it on a person, the sheriff said.

The 19-year-old victim, who is from Gretna, put a pillow under the back of the vest to absorb the shock, but the shooter, also 19, missed the vest, the sheriff said.

They're lucky it stopped the rounds. Flak jackets aren't really designed to stop full rounds.

Here's the important bit hidden at the end:

The victim was struck in the buttocks, Wagner said.

Investigators believe those involved had been drinking alcohol before the shooting. It remains under investigation to determine whether there were any criminal violations, Wagner said.

Alcohol involved? You don't say.

Sheriff: Teen shot in buttocks while friends were testing out flak jacket near Lincoln

If I find video, I'll post it. You have to bet there's video of this somewhere. No one does something that fucking stupid unless they're committing it to video.

 

[Chz]

"Alcohol may have been a factor" is my favourite line in any report.