It's the whole "get a girlfriend" thing isn't it? Like a commodity. These men are used to being able to "get" whatever they want. Buy whatever they want..
But they have turned women into non people. Things to have.
And sadly they are probably very friendless too. Except for other men who think the same way.
It's nearly as if they see women as things to collect. A tick box in life.
Part of a list of things to do / have to make you "successful".
No I don't think so for the most part. People are lonely, and have been conditioned throughout early years to expect work, home, love, family etc.. girlfriends are not necessarily seen as a commodity, these young men want love like the rest of us.
if you go on any dating site, for the most part women can get a date ten times easier than men because they are women, and often in the bio that's all they say. There's confusing signals for young men. Should they be a bad boy, what do women want, if they show vunerabilty they're not included. Life can be alien for those on the asd spectrum, in ways that there are often not even words to explain it. Its not intuitive.
I've seen woman have those tick boxes too. Can you provide for me and my children, can you adapt to my life and my baggage. Even before questioning if there's a connection.
Many of these young men are on the autistic spectrum disorder, they struggle to pick up cues, to engage, to have confidence. If they don't have the insight into their condition, the intelligence to work through it, the support.. it can end in incel type groups and this violence. ASD makes building relationships really difficult. And the often black and white thinking adds to this " all women are like this" etc.
Without this being addressed through other balanced voices, how to help? It's not an easy thing to be that 28 year old virgin and find good people to talk about it with. Plus people don't know how to help, it's often easier to believe that someone is celibate by choice.
People will look for people who will listen, they'll feel like they're in a safe space and radicalization gets a foot hold.
I've got 3 sons, obviously I'm biased but tbf they are lovely in every way. 2 settled down and the third one tied in knots because in spite of the loveliness he is still single and still a virgin. He knows all about incel stuff, he recognizes it'd be easy to go down that rabbit hole, hé describes to me the practices he uses to ensure his experiences as a young man on the asd spectrum don't warp him.
Its both incredibly sad and inspiring to be with him in this journey. Tbh I've said it before about boy 2, he is my moral compass. But he doesn't drink, he needs a lot of time by himself, he struggles with that small talk, life is incredibly confusing for him a lot of the time, and at his age many woman here have a family that they expect to be included in their relationships too which yes, is as it should be but for someone like my son is overwhelming.
On the plus side he's incredibly fit with movie star looks, drives, works ( as a support worker) has the best conversation, kind, empathic, patient and would be devoted and loyal. He also dresses well and smells good. But building connections of any sort he struggles deeply with due to asd and a trauma history.
So I think that this phenomenon is way more complex than is being discussed.
www.counterterrorism.police.uk
www.mirror.co.uk
www.plymouthherald.co.uk
