Local Newspaper Headlines!

[Yossarian]

Well done that sheep.

Chaos as sheep goes on rampage and head butts police officer in Lancaster

 

[Humberto]

Right in the gonads.

 

[a_chap]

Did someone say headbutts?

 

[brogdale]

 

[Yossarian]

Stunned mum finds sausage meat FACE in 91p packet of Aldi bangers

“In a packet of 20 we only got 12 sausages and then this massive face came out,” she said.

Fran could feel an unusual lump in the blue-and-white pack: “I thought, ‘What the hell is that?’ When I turned it over I saw it was a face. Luckily, my mate was there as well.”

 

[cupid_stunt]

Stunned mum finds sausage meat FACE in 91p packet of Aldi bangers

And, linked from that page - 'This definitely bit back' - Aldi customer finds rusty staple in gourmet chicken

And in April, a man was shocked to find a metal staple in his Aldi chicken.

Great photo!

 

[Yossarian]

And, linked from that page - 'This definitely bit back' - Aldi customer finds rusty staple in gourmet chicken



View attachment 171995

Great photo!

He looks like the smarter twin brother of Ricky from Trailer Park Boys.

 

[hash tag]

View attachment 171978

Boyfriend was chicken

 

[kabbes]

91p for 20 sausages. I weep for the pigs they are made from and I shudder to think what else is in the sausages. Less than 5p does not pay for quality pork from a well treated pig.

 

[Poi E]

Pork is the cheap meat par excellence. Chemically treated to fuck so it lasts for ages, loads of yield from an animal that will eat most things. The start of fast food.

 

[extra dry]

Pigs are just as tasty as chickens.

Birds have been the evolutionary kick starter, eggs for proteins packed portable cookable meal and chicken/bird meat.

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

'Octopus-swerving' driver had taken drugs

 

[cupid_stunt]

'Octopus-swerving' driver had taken drugs

What would a octopus be doing on A381 Salcombe Road near Burleigh Lane, in the middle of the countryside?

I suspect the drug involved was shrooms or acid.

The drugs in Shapley's system included morphine, codeine, cannabis, and a by-product of heroin.

I picked the wrong drug(s).

 

[Bahnhof Strasse]

I picked the wrong drug(s).

Don't be too down on yerself, AFAIK acid doesn't show up in police drugs tests...

 

[Poi E]

Well done that sheep.

Chaos as sheep goes on rampage and head butts police officer in Lancaster

Section 155 of the Highways Act has the offence of having a pig untethered and loose on a public highway. This clearly needs to be updated to cover more modern matters.

 

[neonwilderness]

Watch as man at Cheese Rolling is hit in the face by the cheese

 

[petee]

headline of the year?

Stuck trucks botch Notch despite VTrans bans, fines and signs

https://vtdigger.org/2019/05/30/stuck-trucks-botch-notch-despite-vtrans-bans-fines-and-signs/

 

[WWWeed]

I forgot to post this when I first came across this but I've just been reminded of this gem:

Dealer found with crack between his buttocks

I'm really pissed off as the jobsworths have since renamed the story but found this as proof:

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[Sprocket.]

Watch as man at Cheese Rolling is hit in the face by the cheese

How mature!

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[MrSki]

 

[HoratioCuthbert]

There’s one on call vet that guesses at our anatomy in an emergency or else you’ve just got to call the nearest farmer and hope for the best.

 

[hash tag]

You herd it here first London commuters hit by delays due to goats on tracks

 

[Badgers]