PM Boris Johnson - monster thread for a monster twat

[RileyOBlimey]

Cocaine has to short a half life

why drug testing is crap really

It doesnt disappear in hair. Hair Drug Test | Hair Follicle Drug Test | Lextox

 

[Wilf]

What's the next excuse? 'Oh number 10 Downing Street! I thought you meant number 10 Acacia Gardens where they've not a party since VE Day'

 

[Pickman's model]

What's the next excuse? 'Oh number 10 Downing Street! I thought you meant number 10 Acacia Gardens where they've not a party since VE Day'

the next excuse is that the prime minister has been misplaced and a cat ate his homework, which would have explained all of this to everyone's satisfaction

 

[not a trot]

the next excuse is that the prime minister has been misplaced and a cat ate his homework, which would have explained all of this to everyone's satisfaction

Surprised they haven't yet claimed it was Larry the cats party.

 

[not-bono-ever]

 

[two sheds]

Have we had that Johnson was out driving at the time to test his eyesight yet?

 

[magneze]

How long before we find out he was there?

 

[Supine]

How long before we find out he was there?

He was at pizza express in woking

 

[xenon]

Hundreds of offices. Bullshitting prick. It’s not Canary Wharf.

 

[Badgers]

Cobra meeting called as No10 warns Covid hospitalisations and deaths may rise

Top Tory Michael Gove will chair a meeting of the Government's emergency Cobra committee with the devolved leaders amid fears over the Omicron variant

www-mirror-co-uk.cdn.ampproject.org

Will he bother this time?

 

[magneze]

Cobra meeting called as No10 warns Covid hospitalisations and deaths may rise

Top Tory Michael Gove will chair a meeting of the Government's emergency Cobra committee with the devolved leaders amid fears over the Omicron variant

www-mirror-co-uk.cdn.ampproject.org

Will he bother this time?

Tell him it's a party.

 

[Supine]

Johnson not hosting cobra? Lazy or because he can’t stand the other leaders?

 

[Pickman's model]

Johnson not hosting cobra? Lazy or because he can’t stand the other leaders?

yes

 

[Serene]

Johnson not hosting cobra? Lazy or because he can’t stand the other leaders?

Aye, BOTH

 

[cupid_stunt]

'There were no parties... all guidelines were followed... so I was told... I was probably upstairs at the time... erm, Get Brexit Done... erm, erm, gosh.. can you come back Dominic?'

He doesn't actually live at No. 10.

 

[killer b]

He doesn't actually live at No. 10.

this doesn't actually matter for the execution of a joke.

 

[Wilf]

this doesn't actually matter for the execution of a joke.

 

[elbows]

Not quitting for now.

Downing Street flat: Standards adviser unhappy but not resigning at this stage, BBC told

Lord Geidt is facing calls to reopen an inquiry into how the prime minister paid for a flat revamp.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[Wilf]

The Life and Times of an Ethics Adviser:

'Right Boris, I'm telling you, do one more unethical thing and I'm off... doh... right that's it, I nearly went then. So, just one more thing... gah... you're gonna get it Boris... fuck me, you've done it again... So, I really will be off this time...'

 

[splonkydoo]

So.... guesses as to who leaked the video? Mine is on Lee Cain, he was head of Boriscomms until he was booted out at end of December. Would seemingly have the motivation and access to the tapes, no?

 

[Pickman's model]

So.... guesses as to who leaked the video? Mine is on Lee Cain, he was head of Boriscomms until he was booted out at end of December. Would seemingly have the motivation and access to the tapes, no?

sadly the list of people with means, motive and opportunity means it won't be as simple as miss scarlett in the billiards room with the lead piping

 

[splonkydoo]

sadly the list of people with means, motive and opportunity means it won't be as simple as miss scarlett in the billiards room with the lead piping

OK captain obvious. So it wasn't Cameron in the cellar with the pig-fucking who done it either, then?

 

[Raheem]

Hundreds of offices. Bullshitting prick. It’s not Canary Wharf.

More a sort of outpost of Canary Wharf.

 

[Pickman's model]

OK captain obvious. So it wasn't Cameron in the cellar with the pig-fucking who done it either, then?

what actually happened were that there were numerous leaks of the video made over a short period of time by people who heard that someone else was going to leak it and who tried to get in first. it has thus far proved impossible to determine who leaked first and a stewards' inquiry is being held

 

[steeplejack]

More comical shitness from Labour:



A good part of the reason Johnson is seemingly immovable and untouchable is just how bad the opposition are. This is Annalise Dodds ducking and weaving the question of where Johnson should resign, like she's facing a hostile over from Malcolm Marshall in 1984.

Why would anyone wanting a fundamental change in how things are done / run do anything more than lob a scornful laugh Labour's way? They're barely even worth that.

 

[magneze]

 

[Wilf]

More comical shitness from Labour:



A good part of the reason Johnson is seemingly immovable and untouchable is just how bad the opposition are. This is Annalise Dodds ducking and weaving the question of where Johnson shoild resign, like she's facing a hostile over from Malcolm Marshall in 1984.

Why would anyone wanting a fundamental change in how things are done / run do anything more than lob a scornful laugh Labour's way? They're barely even worth that,

Presumably there will have been some panicked email from starmer setting out the logic for whatever nonsense was going on in her head there. To that point that she'd rather look a complete dick than score an open goal. Astonishing. I can think of no down side at all with saying 'johnson is a proven liar, making a fool of the British people, yet again failing us over Covid, what should people who have lost relatives think about etc'.

 

[SpookyFrank]

More comical shitness from Labour:



A good part of the reason Johnson is seemingly immovable and untouchable is just how bad the opposition are. This is Annalise Dodds ducking and weaving the question of where Johnson should resign, like she's facing a hostile over from Malcolm Marshall in 1984.

Why would anyone wanting a fundamental change in how things are done / run do anything more than lob a scornful laugh Labour's way? They're barely even worth that

Christ

 

[Plumdaff]

More comical shitness from Labour:



A good part of the reason Johnson is seemingly immovable and untouchable is just how bad the opposition are. This is Annalise Dodds ducking and weaving the question of where Johnson should resign, like she's facing a hostile over from Malcolm Marshall in 1984.

Why would anyone wanting a fundamental change in how things are done / run do anything more than lob a scornful laugh Labour's way? They're barely even worth that.

The only explanation for her being that shit is that Labour had their own parties last Christmas. Good thing is that they were so boring, no one has any recollection of them.

 

[equationgirl]

The only explanation for her being that shit is that Labour had their own parties last Christmas. Good thing is that they were so boring, no one has any recollection of them.

And probably only three people turned up, leaving ample room for social distancing.